Happy-therapy

It is really amazing what the time in The Smal Town did to me! Not that I really can remember much of it, my self-protection system has deletet that file, but having moved avay from there has had a tremendeous effect. I am almost constantly happy since I moved away. Even now in winter and the last weeks when it has been freezing cold have I been in a very good mood and not even been freezing very much. Yesterday i was out walking with a friend who was freezing and complaining a bit. I was very happy and just went on about the bright, white, glistening snow and the beautiful view from the bridge. When I tried to convince my friend that it was not cold, but fresh and crispy, she finally told me to shut the f**k up. :-)

I think The Small Town could be the remedy for every negative and pessimistic person. Force them to live there for a year or two and only then let them move back to where they want to live.

Closing the chapter The Small Town

I have promised that before I moved from The Small Town I would actually list some of the GOOD things about The Small Town. Now that did not really happen, because today I officially, definitely and irreversibly moved from The Small Town!!! I am closing that chapter of my life and it feels GOOD!!!

Anyway, as a way of closing the chapter The Small Town I will list some of the good things:

Good things in/about The Small Town:
• The art museum. Small, but very nice. Beautifully situated by the lake. Interesting and ambitious exhibitions. Nice café and shop.
• The golf club. Ok it’s the only one I have been a member of, but it seems nice
• The cat asylum. Lovely place where you are welcome just to cuddle a cat when you need to. Nice people taken care of stray/abused/”left-over” cats. Made a charming calendar and write ads for the cats that makes your hart melt
• That you can by my favourite ice-cream; Klings

Hallelujah!!

On the (long and boring) way back from work today I suddenly came to the wonderful insight that this weekend is the last I spend in The Small Town!!!! Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!
Can hardly beleive it is true!!

The First of Last Days

Because things have been a bit crazy lately I hardly noticed something that is quite amazing when you think about it. Yesterday I worked the last day in The Small Town!!
The office is moving to The Somewhat Bigger Town this weekend and from Monday that is where I will be working. Ok I will still live in The Small Town for a while, so that is maybe one reason why it did not feel that overwhelming, but it is only a matter of a month or so, then I will be in Stockholm and I will be having a life again!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel!
And it is not the train coming...

A Crazy Day

There have been some crazy days. A lot has happened, most of it actually quite good. I will tell more about it. But yesterday I got a proof of that you are never allowed be completely happy. After a very good day I felt exuberant and to celebrate things I asked some colleagues over for dinner and wine. Before that I went down to town to buy some sparkling and food stuff.

In The Small Town there are a few rather awkward crossings, but after living here for a while you know them pretty well and know what rules here are. Just before where I wanted to park there is a four-way-stop, very unusual in Sweden. I stopped and as it was rather late there were no cars so I drove again. When in the middle of the crossing a car is coming from the right and does not stop at all but just crashes in to the front of my car. As none of us were driving very fast the crash was not that bad, but of course you get a bit upset. I got angry because I knew I had done no wrong and it was entirely his fault. The other driver also got upset at first as he thought he was right while coming from the right. But when I told him to go back and have a look at the sign he changed his mind realising it was his fault. We solved the situation amicable and none was really that angry any longer, although not very happy either of course. His car was actually worse damaged and then of course he will bear all the costs. But most important of course, there were no personal injuries.

Today I called the other driver to discuss how to proceed with the matter. It was actually a rather nice conversation. I was a bit worried that he might have changed his mind about who caused the accident, but that was no issue. He just said he was very angry with himself as he was the sole cause of the accident. He also said that after all, he was happy that if something like this must happen, he was glad it was with someone as nice as me! And that he was impressed that I didn’t get angry with him, as he would have freaked out completely if it happened to him. I told him that it was most likely because I had had a good day up till then and that helped…

Skiing

Today I actually took advantage of living in the middle of nowhere. Both today and yesterday were fabulously beautiful winter days, with white glistening snow, blue sky and sunshine. Therefor I went for a spontanous skiing trip on my own. Just a short drive and three hours skiing in the afternoon. Not bad!! Good for the first skiing of the season.
While skiing though, I remembered that the last time I was skiing was not last winter, but this summer. Indoors. In Dubai. Weird!

Stuck

I am stuck in The Small Town this weekend, totally against my will, because I am duty officer this weekend. It really feels like being electronically tagged. After some insistence I managed to get some clear information on how far away from the office I am allowed to go. I found out that in case something would happen that can not be solved over the phone and mobile internet I have to be in the office in less than 90 minutes. I realised that is enough to be able to join my sister and her family to the closest skiing area tomorrow. Great!! I could get out and get some fresh air, sun, skiing and social stimuli. It suddenly all felt quite ok again. Therefore I got quite disappointed when my sister called tonight and told me they had some problems with their car and didn’t feel really comfortable to go for a longer drive before they had the chance to check it up. So skiing is off. And I am stuck in The Small Town again. :-(

Seeing the Light

I am finally seeing it again. The light that slowly started to glimmer at the end of the tunnel during autumn, but then rapidly faded in December and during the beginning of this year has been alarmingly absent. The light; meaning moving away from The Small Town.
Yesterday I received the information that I will receive the key and be able to move into my new apartment in Stockholm in exactly one month!! And yesterday, as well as today my boss confirmed that I will be transferred to Stockholm some time during March, although the exact date is yet not fixed. So, slowly I am returning to life.

The job might still not be what I want to do, and I am afraid t won’t get better in Sthlm, but I will be there!! I will be able to have a normal life outside work!! That’s a good start!!

Disturbing Silence

Yesterday night I had real difficulties to fall asleep, which is rather unusual. I could not really figure out why, because there was nothig really disturbing me. Then I realised exaclty that was the problem. It was too silent! It was completely silent, not one single sound.

Now you might say it is good that it is silent when you should sleep, but this is really too silent. When people say the enjoy silence they often refer to being somewhere in the wild, far away from civilization, but that is not entirely silent. There you might have birds, wind and water running, but this place is completely silent. That is really scary. It makes you wonder if you are already dead.

This is nothing new, it has always been that way, but after one week of the wonderful sound of the waves of the ocean, the wind and crickets zirping outside your bedroom I found this silence very hard to stand. I even prefer the distand buzz of city traffic. Can't wait to move away from here!!

Work Worries

After the two first weeks at the new job I am feeling more and more worried. This far I have had absolutely nothing to do and I have no idea what to to. Fortunately I will only work two more days before my holiday, if not I would have gone mad. Ok, if not I would probably make more of an effort to find something to do, but now I wait till after my holiday. What worries me more however, is that everything I learn about the new job gives me the feeling "this is not what I want to do!!" The new job does not interest me at all and I can not see what I could bring to it and how my knowing and experience could be valuable. That makes me really worried. The only reason for me ever to be here was that I had an interesting job, if not it will be absolutely unbearable. I need to get away from here!! Please!! I hope something good will happen soon!!

Small Town Pictures. Nice Ones

Earlier I promised to post some nice pictures from The Small Town as well, but then something happened that made me change my mind... but here they are. Some pictures from a sunny winter day. Idyllic, isn't it!?

Anti-Climax and a Dilemma

I am still in chock or at least somewhat confused. Today was the day when all of us working in the office on a time limited contract would get to know if we would have a job in january or not. I felt very sure I would not and was prepared for that. Ok, I admit I was not happy about the possibility to be the only one not getting anything and see all the colleagues get new jobs, but still I was prepared for it.

I did not really realise how prepared I was for it until everything changed. I was offered a job. Albeit a job I applied for, but not my first hand choice and I only applied for it as I assumed it would be in Stockholm. Now the job I was offered is in The Next Somewhat Bigger Town!! That basically made my whole world tumble down!!

I might be stupid, maybe mad and for sure a bit crazy, but still I realise I can not turn down an offer of a permanent job in times of financial crises and recession. And I know I should be happy as many of my colleagues did not get a job at all. And this position might develope into something rather interesting and this position is also exists in the Stockholm office and my new boss knows I would prefer to work there and there might be a chance to be transfered in the future and and and.... Yes!! I know I should be happy and grateful, but still I had to go into the restroom and cry several times during the day and I felt like throwing up at times. I was so disappointed!! The only thing that has kept me going for the last couple of months was the prospect of getting out of here. What ever happened I would not be here anymore. Now I am stuck!

Not only stuck! I have to make decisions on where to live. Should I move to The Next Somewhat Bigger Town altough I don't want to live there either and have no plans to stay there very long?? Should I stay here and commute and hope to be transfered to Sthlm as soon as possibel?! But still, it is 45 km to TNSBT, one way, with poor public transport and this job also has on-duty service. I don't know!! And I really don't feel like moving one single time more than neccessary.

I really was so prepared for not getting a job and getting ready to leave and move away from here. I had even started to plan my dinners and my eating so I would not have to buy more food but finish as much as possible of what I already have! And now, here I am!!

Back again

Back in The Small Town again. It is amazing, but it only took two weeks away from here for me to almost forget my home address! Yesterday when I took a taxi back from the station and the driver asked me whereto had to think for quite some time! On the other hand I was at that time so tired I could hardly remember my name. The course I have attended was really good. Now I know much more about disaster management, who knows, maybe I now even know much enough to get my own life in order! :-)
The best thing about the course maybe still was the participants. A very nice group of people from a whole range of countries and different fields and backgrounds. Very nice! I do hope at least some of us will manage to stay in touch. At least maybe on Facebook!

Being in An Enven Smaller Place, where there is nothing at all to do except working on the course and being with the participants meant I got quite some sleep in the beginning of the course, went to bed early and slept well. But as the course proceeded and we all got to know each other better there were more things going on in the evenings. Before the grand finale, the closing dinner, I was already sleep deprived and slightly hung over, the day after I was nearly dead. The course finished on Friday and then I went to Stockholm to spend the weekend there with friends, but yesterday I was so tired I just could take no more and voluntarly left to go back to The Small Town earlier than I had to, just to get some proper sleep. Unbeliveably!!

In An Even Smaller Place

Belive it or not, but I will be spending the rest of this week and the next in a place even smaller than The Small Town, significantly smaller, but I am looking forward to it!!
I am taking part in a training and really look forward to totally focus on one thing for such a long time and in the evenings there will be nothing else to do than to work a little, exercise and then sleep and relax. Lovely! Ok, you might ask; what is the difference to life in The Small Town? The difference is that that is supposed to be a life, this is only for ten days and that is it!!

It is also very nice to be out of the office at the moment as there is not a very pleasant atmosphere there right now. I only whished I had had the time to send a couple of applications before I came here, then I could have tried to think of something else for a change.

An All Time Low

Tonight I had another incredible bad experience with the local “hospitality-business”. I had suggested to my colleagues who live here in The Small Town that we should meet at one of the restaurant/bars here for an after work beer. I arrived first together with a colleague. We took seats in front of the fireplace (the whole place was basically empty) wanted to eat and ordered at the bar. The waitress then asked us if it was only the two of us or if there would be more. We said there would probably be more people coming, but that we did not know whether they would eat or not. Then she told us we could not sit where we had taken seats if we wanted to eat, but had to move over to the “restaurant part”. We asked why, as we have been eating there before, but the only answer we got was that it was a new rule and we could not. To get the picture the place is divided into two parts, one more lounge-style pub part with sofas and a fire place and on the other side a more formal restaurant part. This part is rather dull if you are not really having a formal dinner with a lot of people. Tonight the whole place, both parts, was more or less empty. It was the two of us, two Russians and one other person.

The menu is rather expensive (especially if you consider the quality you can expect) and the only thing you really can order is hamburger from the “pub-menu”. We have always been sitting in the pub part even if we have ordered food, which of course is nicer if you are a group if people were some are eating but some only drinking. But now all of a sudden that was not possible any longer. We asked politely if we really could not sit there as it still was just the two of us and said we would really prefer to sit there. But no! With no further explanation. And remember, the place is basically empty. Anyway we sat down in front of the fireplace and drank our beer while waiting for the food. Somehow I think we thought it would still be ok to eat there once the food as ready and then we would also know if more people would like to eat.

In a corner there was a big screen TV showing ice-hockey (no special game, not even the local heroes) but the TV was on mute. Until all of a sudden the waitress turns up the volume very high, so high, talking was no longer easy. My colleague and I were sitting with our backs towards the screen and the Russians did not look too interested either, the other guest seemed to watch absently. Anyway, before I asked the waitress to turn the volume down, I asked if she had turned up on request and she said she did. I still felt it was a little too much, but never mind. If the guy wanted to follow the game; ok. After a while two other colleagues turn up and the service does not get any better and the attitude from the waitress is not very nice nor service minded. But we try to mind ourselves. After a while she comes and tells of our food is ready and expect us to move over to the restaurant. Again we ask if we can not remain where we are and eat our food there. But no!! It is not possible. When we ask why not, we only get a very irritated answer that they have decided that food is to be served on one side and not the other!! Still remember the place is basically empty. We are the only eating guests. We still remain in our chairs. Somehow the whole atmosphere is gone as well as the appetite. If it was not for the fact that we had already paid for the food I think we would have left. After some time again the waitress just stands at our table with our plates, looking as if she would throw them at us. Ok, better move and eat the food.

I don’t really remember all the little details anymore, but there were all those little things all the time. The colleague who arrived last had not ordered yet but he got the picture and said that he would have liked to eat, but that the way they treat their customers made him lose appetite and only asked for a glass of wine. In the restaurant they also had a big screen TV showing the hockey very loudly. We asked the waitress, still politely, if she could turn the volume down in this part and she said yes. But nothing happened. After a while we asked again, but still nothing happened. After yet a while I see that the only man watching the game had left, then I said that I don’t really think there is anyone interested anymore and asked her if she could switch off. Then she gives us a very weird answer that she can not, she has to have some sound on. When we remarked that there was no sound on when we arrived she said that then she had played music and that it was part of her work to have some sound on at all times. Ok, that is fine, please put on some music then, was our answer, which is much better than ice hockey. The she turns the TV off, but we get no music. So the rest of our dinner we sit all on our own in this very un-charming restaurant in silence. I tell you, it feels very empty.

Ok, the burger was good, but the atmosphere was completely gone as well as all potential fun. As soon as we finished the food we decided to pay and leave for some other place and tell the others who were coming that we left and why! I was planning to tell the waitress that this was not meant personally against her, but that she could forward our opinion to her boss that we find their new policy very unfriendly etc. But I never got that far. When we approach the bar to pay before leaving the manager himself comes out and starts yelling at us. Blaming us for harassing his staff, being impolite and rude and I don’t know what now. He even told us we did not have to come back there anymore. On that we easily could agree!! He even blamed everyone from our office, saying they have had problems with “us” before, complaining and treating them in a patronising “von oben” way and “only because you are an important customer you can not treat us badly”. We were all completely flabbergasted. This was so unheard of! The fact that most “normal” businesses try to treat there important customers good, seemed completely unheard of to him. In the end we could not do anything more than laugh and agree on that we would never ever set our feet there again. Before leaving, while still at the bar, I could not help calling someone that I knew would come and tell them we were leaving and would meet them somewhere else. I could of course have waited and made that call outside, but I just wanted them to hear that. Later another pub had 15 guests that this place wasted.

I really think no one can understand how bad this was, unless you were there. I would never have believed it if I weren’t.

The Small Town did it again!!

Now when I am getting more and more ready to leave The Small Town I had actually planned to write something positive about the place and list some of the good things that I have discovered, there are actually a few. But then, today I got a new parking ticket and that changed everything!

It was exactly the same situation as last time and at the same parking lot. But this time they did even a little better job, they caught me only six minutes after my parking fee had expired. Cut their record by a whole minute!! Well done!!

I did not freak out exactly as much as last time. Only shouted: “Where are you; you fucking retard??” and gave a finger in all directions. (Very mature I admit!) I am sure there is some retarded person who is sitting in a car or in some of the windows around the parking, with a clock and binoculars and dart out to give a ticket as soon as possible.

I just don’t understand how the hell this shitty little asshole of a town believes they can afford to have this kind of parking policy! If it is something this town has plenty of it is space. How the hell can they think they can charge that way for it?! At the same time they complain that the shops in the city centre can not survive and close down one after the other. Surprised?! Not really! Never thought of offering people who want to shop in the city free parking?! Most other “normal” towns, of the same size that I know of, do. There is not really like this place has a parking problem they have to control this way, there were plenty of free spaces. The parking lots in the centre have a parking fee 24/7!!! You don’t find that even in Stockholm city!! Bloody Small Town! I hate it!!

This means I need to get yet a little closer to my move away from here to feel generous enough to write something positive about the place.

A Weekend in The Small Town!!!

It is amazing how relaxing it can be not to go anywhere on the weekend. One prerequisite is of course that you stay away from blending with The Small Town, but staying in the apartment with only short visits to the golf course was a great combination. I have slept a lot, sorted things out, did some work, watched movies, made some telephone calls and feel very relaxed. But it is really necessary that I don’t have any interaction with the town. I can see some of my colleagues, but not go out. Yesterday they had a party and would after that go to a night club; that I refused. You might call me arrogant or blame me for not giving the place a chance. But I am absolutely sure that I am better off not even setting my foot on one of those places. I know I will not like, worse I will only hate the place more. But staying at home is fine!!

Playing golf is also fine! That is one of the good things about the place. The golf course is nearby and most of the time there is not so many people playing, and today was a beautiful autumn day. Unfortunately of course there is nothing open in the small town on Sundays, so when I hit my last ball straight into the water at the 13.th hole I had to go home… Funnily that made me realise that obviously I am know at the club (although I know no one). Walking back I passed the three men playing ahead of me. One of them asked if I wanted them to let me pass. I explained that I was on my way back and was not playing anymore. Then he apologised for not having asked before if I wanted to pass, as I was playing alone. Then he said: “but if I remember correctly you don’t mind to wait and prefer to play alone”. I was flabbergasted, how the hell did he know that?!?! I can not remember ever having seen the man. But obviously they knew me. I guess I am the only member of the club that is neither related nor married to one of the members.

Back to normality?

I realise that if I move back to Stockholm I might not have anything to write about on the blog. After all the life in The Small Town is rather exotic. I was discussing the matter with some of my colleagues today, who are all happy about the prospect of finally get out of here, and we all agreed about The Small Town almost being as exotic as other places we have lived in, as Sudan, Kongo, CAR, Philppines, France; Italy etc etc, only more depressing and tragic. Stockholm is far more "normal".

Wednesday 10 AM in The Small Town

Today I had another experience that showed me who detached from The Small Town we, my colleagues and I, really are.



I woke up with a headache and had to go to the pharmacy and get some migraine medication before I could go to work today. Going down to the centre on a Wednesday morning at ten was an interesting experience. The place was full of people!!!! There was some kind of market on the main square and the pedestrian zone and loads of people. Of course still none between the ages of 20 to 60, but still people!! And at the pharmacy too!! There was a queue of people!! Still mostly old people. So this is what people do here!!! They hang around town at ten on weekday mornings!! I asked my colleagues if they knew anything about a market, no one did.

Small Town Crime

Yesterday there was another “school-shooting” where ten people were killed before the perpetrator shot himself. This time it was in the small Finnish town of Kauhajoki. And as always when anything terrible happen there are interviews in the media and there are people saying they find it unbelievable that anything like that could happen “in this small town” and that they never thought anything like that could happen in “such a small town”. I guess it is natural not to expect things like that to happen to you, anyone you know or anywhere close to you. But if there is something we ought to know by now; it is that these things do happen, and to me it seems they happen more often in small places than in big cities. Ok, I haven’t checked this statistically, but of all the places I can think of where things like this have happened recently, none of them is a major city or capital. I am sure that on a per capita basis this kind of mad-man-crime is more prevalent in smaller towns and communities. So maybe it is really about time we stop romanticise the small town life.