Welcome to The Small Town

Just had a fabulous week in Italy, but I will tell more about that later, and was not too happy about having to go back to The Small Town. I even jumped off the train in panic just two minutes before it should leave Sthlm on my way back, to stay on an extra hour and take a later train.
When I got off the train in TST I was at first happy and relieved to see that my car was still there and with no ticket, although it had been standing ten days on a seven days parking lot. When I came to the driver's side that changed however. Then I saw that some bastard had sprayed silver paint on the door. Damn bastards!! I got so pissed off!



This is what poor Smulan looked like when I came back from my holiday.

I can understand if kids growing up here get bored and frustraded and need to get it out somehow, but not on me or my belongings!! Of cause I know these things happens in other places too, but it would have been at least one argument in favour of small tonws if these kind of things did not happen here.

By the way; while in Rome I learned that even the city of Rome is planning to remove all parking fees!! Think about that you greedy Small Town politicians!!!

Better Neighbours

One thing that improved since I moved to the new apartment is the neighbours. I did no dare to hope it would, even though it was really bad where I used to live and I thought it could not get much worse, but who knows… One of my colleagues live in the same house and same entrance where I live now and she said it was ok, but I was not really sure if I dared to trust here. But it is indeed much better. I got away from my pig-neighbour downstairs and his loud disgusting friends and I got away from the party crowd upstairs as well as the snotty, screaming and rude kids next door. Here I feel I can actually use my balcony!

Another good thing in the new house is that I have more immigrant neighbours here. I must say I do prefer to have immigrant neighbours, to have the Swedish riff raff small town people neighbours that are ubiquitous here. Today I met a very nice Muslim woman in the laundry room, who let me use one hour of her laundry time. Her Swedish was not perfect but she seemed happy to use it and she did very well. Above anything I prefer to live together with immigrants to living together with the Swedes who don’t like to live next to immigrants. I actually beleive that one of the main problems with The Small Town is that here are too few immigrants!

The Small Town people here are rude and socially unfit. They don’t say hello when you meet them, they just look the other way and pretend it is raining. And some say that is Big City behaviour!! Bullshit!! Just to take one example: Yesterday my parents visited me. On the way out of the apartment they walked ahead of me as I forgot something and had to go back. From the stair I heard they met someone at the door and that this person seemed polite and friendly and held the door for them. Immediately I knew it could not be one of the original small town people from this area and I actually guessed it was my upstairs colleague. And indeed. It was her!

Loosing My Temper?

I don’t think it is a secret that I have quite a hot temper and can get angry rather easily. But lately I have started to wonder whether I am starting loosing it, I mean staying cool and calm. For example today. It was a shitty day from the start. I had decided to stay in The Small Town this weekend but started to regret it already Thursday evening and it did not get any better. Saturday morning it was raining and very cold when I woke up. Anyway; I decided to try to do the best of the day and decided to go to IKEA to buy some stuff and organise my apartment. On my way to the next IKEA it started snowing. Ok, getting better… Of course the store was completely crowded and the stuff I was looking for was either not in store or did not look like I expected, so I was nearly walking out of the store empty handed, after two hours pushing around among families and couples with full carts. To avoid that I picked up some small things, among them a lamp that I had wanted to buy last time I was there, but then they did not have it, it basically is a big glass bowl, it is quite nice.
Walking out of the store I was pushing a cart and on that was the big IKEA paper bag with the lamp and some candles. Just outside the door, entering the rainy, windy, shitty weather; a strong wind came and swept the paper bag off the cart. With a crash it landed on the asphalt and the lamp was all in pieces, just out side the f…ing doors. This is a situation that normally would have made me very angry and upset, especially as I was both tired and hungry. But now I just picked the pieces up and threw them in the dust bin next to the door and walked to the car, with my vanilla scented candles (can not understand how come I bought them, I don’t like either perfumed candles or artificial vanilla scent!!). I could not really be bothered. I was really surprised at my own calmness!

Last Sunday I had another situation like this one, actually much worse, where I quite unexpectedly did not freak out. Everyone I told about it say they would have, even my mother!
It was when I came back from Stockholm late last Sunday evening. I was quite tired and only wanted to go to bed. Stepping into the kitchen I noticed I was stepping in water. It turned out the kitchen pipes seemed to have back fired and flushed sewer water over the whole kitchen. Thankfully it did not smell too bad, but there were small pieces of food all over and everything that had come in contact with the water was all greasy. I can tell you I was NOT happy, but I did not freak out. I just started to clean it all up. However I can assure you, that when I two hours later, thought I was finished and just wanted to put something in the top drawer, but then discovered that it, and all the other drawers also were full of water, then I was really close to freak out or at least on the verge of tears. Not that crying or freaking out would have helped in such a situation, but that never stopped me before. Now I just started the cleaning all over again. I did not even swear very much.

I don’t know how to interpret this, maybe I am getting wiser and more controlled. Or maybe I am just tired and getting used to shitty things happening.

Small Things Can Make All the Difference

It is funny how small things sometimes can make all the difference. The last couple of days the sun has been shining and it has been warm and you can feel summer is arriving, and all of a sudden life feels quite ok. Even in the small town! It is almost beautiful and the bicycle ride to the office is enjoyable.

Although I still feel it would have been even better to enjoy it in a city. The weekend in Copenhagen was really a hit! In every way! And also an example of that small things can make all the difference…

Growing up? Or becoming a nerd?

Yesterday I bought my own golf set. That was indeed with mixed emotions. I really think it is good fun learning to play golf and to be able to do that I need the equipment to practise and the set seemed very reasonably priced. What made me feel stupid and hesitant was the golf cart they made me buy with it. Ok I realise that the whole set, with bag and all and maybe an extra sweater, a bottle of water or what ever one might need to bring for 18 holes, will get very heavy to carry around, but still I would have preferred to have a bag to carry as I think the carts look corny and nerdy and only something for old men and ladies. I am still fighting conflicting feelings about golfing. At the same time that I feel it is a bit nerdy, I really think I will like it. That is hard!
But maybe golfing at least will make me earn some adult points….(if nothing else..)

For ever young?

I guess I am really not behaving my age. Not that this is anything new, but sometimes it gets more apparent. This weekend is one example. I had a great time in Copenhagen, partying really hard, hardly sleeping at all and spending far too much money. I guess that was not very mature and I for sure did not collect very many adult points, but it was great and I laughed a lot…and would love to go there again, soon.:-)

Today I got another proof. I decided to buy some curtains for my bedroom. Curtains are really not one of my priorities and I haven’t had any for quite some time. Honestly I can not even remember when I last bought curtains, if I ever have. But the window in my new bedroom is just opposite the next house and I don’t want to have the venetian blinds down all the time, and as there were already the fittings to hang curtains, I decided it was a good idea.

Then I realised that I have no idea how to arrange curtains and what one needs. I went to a shop here where I knew I would find someone who could help me. This someone turned out to be a guy in his early 20.s. I felt almost pathetic and so chaotic. The guy must have laughed at me and I wonder what he thought about me.

Although I bought them ready made and all the right equipment I had severe problem to get them up. Once finished I was almost disappointed. I got it all right though, and the curtains are quite alright, but I think I might just not like curtains…

My Normal Life

I think I have figured out what is my normal life; moving!!

I am moving again and while doing that it struck me that since 1999 I haven't lived longer than one year in one single place!! Often moved more than once a year. (And even before 1999 I had movet quite a few times). It is completely sick! I don't know what's wrong with me!! No wonder I am sick and tired of moving!!

And this statistics doesn't include the shorter periods (like a couple of months) that I have been working abroad, nor the periods that I basically did not live anywhere but stayed at friend's places. Maybe it is time to get my act (and my things) togehter?!

Summer Holiday Stress

Now I am approaching a problem that always comes up on me at this time of the year, and always because I don't have any long term planning of my life. That seems to be something I am just not able to do! The time has come to make the decisions on when to have summer holiday. My boss asked us to report before April 30. How the hell should I be able to know now when I want to have summer holiday?!? I have no idea what I will be doing this summer. How could I?!?! It is still months... I don't know what I do three weeks from now!!

What this will lead to in the end is that I hardly get any summer holiday at all as I get to choose from the days that are still available when all the others have made their choice. Not that it matters too much as I find it ok to work in the summer and then leave the country when it gets cold, dark and really shitty. But on the other hand, that was when I was living in places where I had friends outside work, with whom I could hang out on those light, warm summer nights in the city. Here might be a completely different thing...:-(

So; if there is anyone who still haven't made any plans for summer holiday and has suggestions that could include me, feel free to let me know! Or maybe even better; anyone up for a longer trip, far away in autumn or winter?? Then I can skip summer..;-)

Small Town Aliens

Since I stated taking golf lessons I have actually spoken to several REAL Small Town-people. I mean, people who actually come from here. Not that I would say I have made new friends her, but at least chatted to. This has made me even more aware of how distanced we are from the town. When people ask me where I live, of course I can answer, but I realise the town has districts and areas with names that none of us know about. When we talk about the place we describe it or have some explanations that make sense to us, but probably not to the locals. It is weird!!

Good day at work!

Some days I like my job more than other days. Today was such a day. In a different way. Got to spend most of the day outside in the sunny beautiful spring weather. Did some GPS-navigation and got to drive 4W Land Cruiser (and eat rations for lunch..). Was fun! I think I was the only one who managed to get the vehicle over the ditch without scratching the underside!!
On the other hand this day means I will have to spend some hours working tonight, but it was worth it!

A Good Try?!

Ha ha, today The Small Town was mentioned in the tv-news. In a positive matter. Today The Small Town had the second highest temperature in the country!!

Well, it might not be much, but don't say I don't try to find something positive about the place...

Oh, there is another good thing with living in a small town. I can cycle to the golf course from the office in less than 20 minutes!! Although the golf course of cause is a bit outside the town and even on exaclty the opposite side from my office!!

On the other side, it did not really help that the weather was nice today! After work I had an errand on town, after that I would have liked to do something, but there is absoulutely nothing to do. All the shops close at six, and after that there is absolutely NOTHING open, not even a café, and there are no people around. Still haven't figures out what people do here...

New Hobby?

Sometimes things happen fast. As today!

For quite some time I have been thinking about starting to play golf, but never got it going. Today I just called the local golf club as I beleive it is cheaper to start playing in The Small Town than in The City. I had checked their homepage first but it was not updated. When calling them the man said their course had just started.
- oh, that's a pity!
- how soon would you like to start?
- eh.., well..., as soon as possible I guess...
- what about today? Today is the first exercise(theory) on the course.
- eh..., well..., I guess today is as soon as possible, so... why not!!

I beleive that was a sign! So, today I had my first golf lesson!!
Cool!!

I've Found a Friend!!

I have found a friend!! In The Small Town!! And it is not a colleague!! And it is not in any way related to the previous posting!

Ok, it might not be as sensational as it sounds, as it is actually someone I know from before, but it is nevertheless very funny! I met with someone I worked with in Bangkok and who life brought here as well. Destiny certainly moves in mysterious ways!

The funny thing is that obviously we have been working out at the same gym the whole autumn and winter without recognising each other! Well, she thought I looked familiar and thought I might be me, but she just could not figure out what I would do in The Small Town. Not until a week ago, when I met with a friend I know from Bangkok and with whom I keep frequent contact, and she brought me to another of our colleagues from Bangkok who in turn knew that this first person also lives in The Small Town. With this piece of information we easily recognised each other when we met in the gym today! So funny!

Small Town Misery

I knew I should not have written that I had a nice weekend staying in The Small Town. It all hit back today.

Because of different reasons I will have to move the first of May. That is not so bad, as I never liked my apartment anyway, but still I have to find another one. Today I looked at two apartments. The first one was just depressing. It was small and dark and the house was rather run down and very close to the railway. The second one looked much better. It was bigger and lighter and completely newly renovated. But there was a reason for that. The landlord told me they had had some problems with the tenants in the house, but that they had now gotten rid of “most” of them and was ready to start anew with better tenants and therefore renovated the house all over. She also told me they would go over all the doors and fix them as well. All the doors had obvious marks from someone trying to break in! What worried me was the “most” of the bad tenants. How many are left? And how long will it take for all the junkie friends to understand their mates are not living in the house anymore?? No, that was not too inspiring!

On my way from the house I noticed a “Open” sign hanging from the other side of the house. So I understood that there had to be some kind of business in the basement. I had a little closer look to see what it was, maybe a hairdresser or something like that, but it looked very anonymous?! When I saw the sign on the window I read “Sex och Spex”. So, it seems to be a sex shop in the basement!! Great!!

Nice Weekend

I actually had a really nice weekend in The Small Town!! I am surprised!

But then again, thinking of it; I really did not spend that much time in The Small Town. Friday I went out for after work in The Next Somewhat Bigger Town, and stayed over night there. It was a very weird, but funny evening by the way...
On Saturday I went with the same and another friend to another somewath bigger town, nearby. But as that town is east of The Small Town we just passed here to leave my car here. The purpose of this trip was to visit a big golf store. I believe it was a step in the process of getting me to start playing golf...
Ok, Saturday evening I spent at home, but being quite tired from the evening before I just watched a film and then went to bed. Today I went back to The Next Somewhat Bigger Town to go to the cinema. A nice weekend.

April's Fool

Hmmm, did not get to fool anyone today, nor was I fooled or even heard a joke... Disappionting! I like to play some jokes on people. It simply was a too serious a day, meetings with people I don't know too well and then just not the right moment. Unfortunately, as this is a tradition I like...

Car worries

Coming back from Stockholm this evening and picking up my car that had been parked by the train station over the weekend, I discovered something worrying. I noticed that the speed meter on my car just did not work any more. It is worrying from two points of view. First; of course I will have to have it fixed. And I don’t like having to have things fixed on my car. I am convinced all such things will ruin my economy. Secondly this is nothing that I can postpone. I mean the car still works perfectly fine, but I know my self to well to let me drive without a working meter. Not that I always pay that much attention to it or the speed limits, but driving without it would probably render me drivers-licence-less in no time at all…

Life Sucks

Today there was another report on the wellbeing of the Swedish people presented on the morning news, or rather the not-well-being. This time a study confirmed that a big portion of the young adults (between 20-30 years)are not feeling well, they are depressed and suffer from anxeity etc etc. Not long ago there was another study about people with physical disabilities that showed how badly they felt and that their phsychological healt was also not that great. And just before that it was the elderly (10-15 percent of the above 65 are depressed), the young (15-20), before that pregnant women... I wonder if anyone is happy and feeling fine!! Maybe men between 40 and 65. Maybe it is their fault everyone else is feeling bad!? It's them that are in charge aren't they?!

Or is it just that we all have too high expectations on life? Or shall we just all agree on that life sucks?! Or is it just that we are actually doing so well we have the time to feel bad!? Or is it just bad journalism?!

Back to Normal Life?!

Back to Normal Life again!? And back to the small problems and annoyances of the developed world.
Came back to The Small Town only yesterday night, as I went straight from the airport to my parents’ place. I drove back with a close, childhood friend who is living in The Next Somewhat Bigger Town and she came up with me for a cup of tea and to watch some photos before she went home. After that I cleaned out my fridge and went out to buy some new food. It was quite late when I came back and I was pretty tired. So guess how happy I was to discover that obviously I hadn’t closed the door to the freezer properly before I left…. Great welcome home!!

The whole freezer was completely clogged with ice. There was no way around it but I had to start defrosting the freezer before I went to bed. As most of the time is just about waiting for the ice to melt (with some help from hot water) I started down loading some pictures from Afghanistan on my Travel blog. Somehow that got me captured and I continued doing that till 03.30. Very clever!! Just as I had almost overcome the jet lag…

Travel Worries

It might sound strange, but I actually worry more about going back to The Small Town than I ever did about going to Afghanistan. It became very obvious when we should leave Mazar. I felt I would much rather have stayed there than go back to The Small Town, especially as I was told that it was snowing. It is so horrible; I just can not understand how I can live there. I really do not want to go back!

My plan to delay the return by a stop over in Dubai does not really work out. That is so sad; I would really have needed a couple of relaxing days on my own on the beach or by the pool. The flights that I wanted to change my booking to were all booked out and changing the booking would cost 200 euros and not 100 as I thought, that might be a little too much for only two extra days, especially as hotels were quite expensive those days, as it is Easter, I suppose. 

N.B. I am not saying that the life in general would be better in Afghanistan than in The Small Town, by no means!! I am only saying that I can cope better with the life I would live here (or in any other place!) than with the life I live in The Small Town. And what I guess I am also saying is that I really have to do something about my “normal life”. At least getting a place where it feels like coming home to.

On the way!!

One day later than planned, and months later than due; I am actually on my way to Afghanistan now! The first stretch of the journey is behind me, I am in Copenhagen.

My proud ability to pack and travel lightly was completely wasted. I think I was quite good to only have 14 kg luggage for this kind of trip. Until someone came up with the idea that I should bring two flak jackets, they are 13 kgs each! So thats all for my effort. A nice smile saved me from paying overweight!! Good start!

If I have time to write from Afghanistan, which is not sure, you will find it on my Travel blog!

Busy skiiers!?

This weekend (Thursday to Sunday) I went skiing with a big group of colleagues. As we are over 20 persons out of office for two normal woking days some/most felt obliged to keep an eye on the mobile phone and the e-mail but we all somehow established that we are a bit pathetic. In my cottage where eight people are staying we togheter have 6 laptops with mobile internet connection and 15 mobile phones. On a skiing holiday!!! Pathetic or just a sign of the times...

Extremely Bad Timing

This time I really got more than i asked for, barely recovered from the sore throat and fever from last week, I now caught a cold. It is just so bad timing.
I had planned to go skiing with some colleagues this Thursday-Sunday. When the previously postponed trip to Afghanistan was planned with departure this Monday I started questioning whether that still was sensible or not. But since I can not plan everything in my life after that trip I decided to go anyway and have been working hard to get things ready on time. So therefore this cold came with very bad timing! Now I really don't know if I can go. On the other hand I think that is exactly what I would need right now; a couple of days off in nice company, with fresh air and some (light) physical exercise and a few days when I don't have to think of Afghanistan...

Laundry Room Fascism III

So, now I am back to one of my favourite topics to hate; the laundry room fascism. In the house where I live it is absolutely impossible for me to get my laundry done. I had booked the room two weeks ago, but then I was called to a meeting in Stockholm which meant I did not get back home in time. Therefore I took my dirty laundry and took it with me to my parents’ place and washed it there. Then I forgot to immediately make a new reservation and now I am completely screwed. The next time I can do my laundry seem to be in April!! Not that it is fully booked until then, but the next two weeks every evening is booked and my days are fully booked with meetings so I can not even choose to take time off from work to wash. Then after that I will most likely be away for two weeks, then it is Easter and then basically it is April!

Good that I am not good at getting rid of my clothes and now you see why I might need 11 pairs of jeans…

My Best Talent

I have suspected that for quite some time, but now I think I am sure. My best talent is probably to do nothing!!

The whole day today I have been at home and I have done absolutely nothing!! Ok, I have been working a bit, checking my e-mails, replying to them, read and commented on some documents and made some phone calls, but apart from that; nothing!! I haven't watched TV, I haven't read any books and really did not do much at all.

Ok, this morning I also spent some time on the phone waiting to get through at the doctors to make an appointment. And then I had to do something that I really didn't want to do today. My landlord had made an appointment with a presumptive tenant to have a look at the appartment and as I assumed I would not be here a Wednesday att 11 I thought that was an excellent idea. But now, having spent two days at home being sick and bored the appartment looked like a dump. So I really had to do an emergency clean up (do the dishes, vacuum clean, hang up some clotes, make the bed and take out the garbage)and as I really did not want to be here when they came I had to go out for a while. (If I would have been here it could very well have been an awkward situation. If the tenant to be asked me if I liked the appartment and if I had felt comfortable here I would have felt stupid to lie, but I don't think the landlord would have been happy if I had been honest!) But still I am amazed how easily a day can pass without noting happening! I am also amazed how we actually have time to work and do all those other things!!

My Best Man

Now, being at home and being sick, I have found a new friend. Well actually I think you could say we are a bit more than friends. We actually sleep together.
He is great! He keeps me warm when I am freezing and don't complain about being kicked out of bed when I get too hot. Well actually; at the moment I think he is better than any of the men I have slept with...

He might look Swiss, but is actually from Hamburg.




My hot water bottle!! ;-)

Wish came true

It is true; you should really be careful with what you wish because it may come true.

Some mornings when I really felt tired and really did not want to go to work I sometimes have wished that I would be a little ill. Just a little, not that I would be really ill of course, but just enough to stay in bed and have a day at home. But now I got what I wished for and it is not nice!

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat, but it was not enough to make me stay at home, especially as the day was completely booked with meetings. But in the afternoon I felt really bad and went home earlier. Today I stayed at home. I have a fever and headache and a very soar throat. It is not that bad that I have to sleep the whole day, but still bad enough to really do anything. At the same time I feel I have loads to do at work and can not really relax and just enjoy watching bad tv and reading books. Instead I try to work a bit, keep checking my e-mails and get frustrated when I can not really take care of them properly because I am not in the office and I feel frustrated because my head feels dizzy and I get tired. But not tired enough to sleep. So here I am, bored and frustated. And I can hardly eat or drink as it feels like swallowing fire. Poor poor me!! :-)

Cleaning out the Closet... or not

My disability to clean out my closet and to get rid of old clothes is well known by now. Though I have noticed that cleaning out your closet and cleaning up among your friends have quite a few similarities….

As you go through live you meet a lot of different people and make a lot of different friends, but after while you can see that you have your own kind of “dressing style”. And exactly the same way as you would not wear all your different kinds of clothes at the same time, maybe you would not like to bring all your different friends together at the same time and place, but still there are probably some features that your friends/clothes have in common and others that would never make it into your closet or address book.

And exactly the same way that you can grow out of clothes you can grow out of some friends. Sometimes you get rid of the clothes and sometimes you keep them, although you never wear them any more. Maybe you just want to keep that beautiful dress or jacket only because you remember how much fun you had wearing it. The same way you keep some of your friends, although you never see each other anymore or maybe don’t even talk very often. It just feels good to know that they are there and to think of the good times you had together. Some maybe you actually should clean out. Others just disappear and you don’t even notice and don’t even remember, until something comes up, like an old photo or something and then you start thinking about what ever happened to her/him/that sweater/ those shoes, or maybe even thinking “who is that?” or “I can not remember ever having worn a polka dot dress!”.

Some friends are like a lovely, warm winter coat, you can always trust them to keep you warm and happy even if times get rough. Others are like an ill fitting piece of garment or an itchy wool sweater; you kind of like them for some reason but then there is something that just makes you have had enough after some wearing. As with clothes, some friends change with the time and wear and tear, some for the better and some for the worse. And whereas some friends are like your favourite velour home suite that fits you even when you feel fat, ugly, tired and your hair is unwashed, and that you love, no matter how worn, dirty and disgusting it gets, there are other friends that you will have to accept are more like a gala dress. It will only fit you and like you when you are already made up, your hair is styled and you are in a good party mood. Like there are fair weather clothes there are obviously also fair weather friends. If you are aware of that and don’t expect anything else, I think you can live with that and like them for what they are…

Out of Beat

Today at the gym I was attending a spinning class and as always when I am there I feel very odd and almost like an alien. Sometimes if I am there with a colleague it feels a little bit better, because then at least we are two who do not like the music, don’t understand the jokes, and can not comment on the same TV-programmes etc etc. But today it really struck me that I feel more different and strange here than I have ever done in any gym. I mean fitness training is pretty standardised and international; you don’t even really have to understand the language to be able to follow a class if it is something you have done before. I have been working out in many different gyms in many different countries but I do feel odder here than for example in Belgrade, where I didn’t even understand the language very well.

I and my colleague have sometimes been complaining about the choice of music, but after a while we gave up and realised that all the others seem to like to do the spinning to schlager music. For me it is a disaster. When I do spinning (or other exercises) it is all about beat and rhythm, I don’t give a damn about chorus or lyrics and I definitely don’t want to sing along. But here that seem to be the whole thing!!

A couple a weeks ago the leader enthusiastically reminded the class that it was only two more weeks until the whole Eurovision Song Contest national eliminations start; “then we will have many new songs!” she said smilingly. I almost freaked out. Not only because I don’t like that kind of music, but for spinning I think it is a disaster. Now she had obviously been to a fitness workshop in Stockholm and today she told us that “from all the songs we heard at the workshop I have only brought one to our programme and probably WE will not like it”. Already then I guessed that would be the song I would like the best. And yes! Without her telling us in advance which song it was, it was the piece I liked the most. Six minutes with no proper lyrics, just a steady, suggestive, perfect beat pushing you to give everything on the bike. Excellent! Afterwards she commented “yes I this was the song, maybe you did not like it?! Now the songs we know and like again” Oh, it makes me sooo tired!!

These things are mere details, that should not really matter, I know, but I just feel so different. When you feel you can not fit in even in those simple everyday situations it feels as you could just as well be from another planet.

A Sign

Was in Stockholm for a meeting today and it is just so good. Ok, the meeting was actually also good and whenever I am in Sthlm for any reason I try to see some of my friends, this time it was a friend who works abroad and who I hadn't seen in a long time, so that was great. But the best thing is almost still the things that happen without planning. Every time I am in Sthlm I just happen to run into people I know. Today I ran into two old colleagues, people that I really like and who make me happy. It felt so good to be reminded of that I used to have a life. And to meet people who know me from back then. I belive it is a sign...

My Time Came

After having been a fast driver for almost twenty years I have now finally gotten my first speeding ticket!

I noticed I was captured by a speed surveillance camera when I was driving from The Small Town to Stockholm just before Christmas. After having seen the flash I looked at the meter and saw I was driving just over 100 km/h on a stretch where the limit is 90. Hmmm not too good, but could have been worse, much worse…

As I had not heard anything from the police since then I thought/hoped that maybe the picture was of such low quality that it could not be used, I have heard that is quite common. But now I eventually received the letter, with a picture and a bill of 1500 SEK (160€)… Great! But I suppose I should not complain (although I for sure know of better ways to spend that money), the letter reported my registered speed to 96 km/h and I feel quite sure I was driving faster than that. Ok, I know that the meters are not always correct and often show a higher speed than the real one, but on the other hand I have read somewhere that the police have a margin of 6km/h on the cameras, meaning that if I really would have been driving 96 I probably wouldn’t have received a ticket at all. So I guess I should be grateful, kind of…

Sunday Walk in The Small Town

Today I took a walk in The Small Town. All the pictures are taken within a radiuos of one kilometer from where I live.





And you wonder why I am depressed and hate it..??!!

British niceties

Oh, I just love the British and their way to express themselves. They really have a way with words!

This Friday I for the first time met the consultant, who we recruited for the Afghanistan project and he is British. It was a very nice and constructive meeting and I felt very confident afterwards, as he seemed a very pleasant and competent person. Today I received an e-mail with some more information from him. In the mail he also thanked for the meeting and wrote some niceties about how nice it was to meet me and how much he looked forward to working with me. Added to that he wrote how impressed he was with my background and what strength that will be to the mission. Wow I was completely flabbergasted!! He impressed by my background!!! Says he, how really has all the background, competence and experience (working as a consultant for several international organisations and lecturing on three universities!!). I felt so inferior to him and really tried to say as little as possible about my previous (lack of) experience.

Of course I can see reasons for him to flatter me. He is an independent consultant, hired by “my” agency and as I am the representative for the agency he will be working most closely with and as he probably has an interest in working for us again he might see it fit to flatter me a little. But still, the way he expressed it felt as if he meant it and it felt good. I also need a boost to my confidence as this project will probably be the toughest thing I have ever done. I will have to act as if I am smart and know what I am doing…

I wish I could express myself that well in English too…

If Life was a Picnic

Today at our nice day at the ski slope we hade brought some very nice picnic (that is, my sister had brougth, I didn't), but normally I am not very much of a picnic kind of person. Not as long as I can not afford having a butler who prepares the meal and brings it out where I am going, sets the table with linen cloth, chandeliers, glass, china, cutlery and champagne. Then we can discuss it…

I have just never understood why going thru all the hassle of preparing food, packing it, carrying it, unpacking it before you can eat it. If you want to get out, I normally want to get started right away. Then someone always come up with the idea to bring food. Then it takes hell of a time to get going before all the sandwiches are ready, pies, cookies, salads, dinks and stuff. By the time it is all ready I have normally already lost interest (or the weather has gone bad!). Then you should carry the stuff around, find a place where it is not too hot, not too cold, not too sunny, not too windy, where there is something to sit on, where the grass is not too wet and where there are no ants or wasps, and you have a beautiful view, of course you never find a place like that! After having agreed on a place that does not make the majority too disappointed the unpacking of the food starts. Only to discover it has gone warm/cold/wet/mushy or you forgot something important. Having saved it from the ants and avoided swallowing too much sand and leaves that got stuck on your sandwiches you always have a lot of leftovers to carry back home as it never tastes as good as you thought. And back home you will throw it away anyway cause no one will ever want to eat it once back. No, picnics are generally a very much overestimated feature.

I much rather prefer going hiking the German way! Where ever you go in a popular hiking area you can be sure to find - at reasonable distance from each other – a nice little Gaststube or Bierstube, where you can have a nice meal warm food and a delicious cold beer.

A Good Choice

I had agreed to go with my sister and her family to a skiing resort nearby today. They had planned to go there and on the way they would pass The Small Town anyway, so I thought why not joining.

When my alarm went off at 6.30 this morning I rather thought “why the hell?”, it was very tempting to call and tell them I’d changed my mind and go back to sleep. But I managed to get up and get ready. Still it did not look very promising outside. It was very grey, dark and it was raining and hardly any snow. After approx one hour’s driving the clouds started to get a little thinner and the sun shone thru at times. When we arrived we found the slopes in a surprisingly good condition and the sun shone from an almost completely clear sky.

It turned out to be a really nice day. Ok, this skiing area is nothing like the Alps and not even very big for Swedish standards, and the snow was rather heavy and icy as it was a couple degrees above zero, but there was not much people, no waiting at the lifts and basically a very nice way to spend a Saturday without too much preparation, planning and organisation.

Going back, the weather only got worse and worse as we were approaching The Small Town. I guess there it had been grey, dark and rainy the whole day. It seems I did a good choice today.

Small Town Legislation

In The Small Town and surroundings it seems to be an obvious problem that people visiting bars and restaurants bring their drinks with them when they go to the restrooms. At least I have seen several sings on doors to the restrooms informing that it is not allowed to bring your glass to the restroom.

My favourite is this one:



The text says it is forbidden to bring your drink into the restroom, reffering to "the alcohol law on serving of alcoholic beverages". Fantastic!! I wonder where I can find that law!! I am not sure I want to know what they think people do with their drinks in the bathroom...

Wrong Choice?

I use to say "you never regret what you do, only what you don't do", but now I think I seriously start to regret my move to the Small Town. When I was offered this job I was offered another job as well and I had the somewhat absurd choice to choose between The Small Town or Dhaka...
I have been fighting the feeling of regret, telling myself regretting things won't change anything or make it better, but now I feel it is coming stronger and stronger and it is harder and harder to fight the feeling. I feel I am wasting my time here...

Good Job

This weekend I had one of those typical situations I sometimes end up in because of my stubbornness.

As I don’t spend many weekends here and it is hard for me to have things outside my work taken care of during the week, I had planned to do some of them this Saturday. (Sundays you can forget here as everything is mega closed!). One of the things was to have my bicycles fixed (because suddenly none of my two bikes were working!). Therefore I was very determined to get the two bikes into the trunk of my car. Now anyone who ever have tried tucking a bike into a car knows that can be rather tricky, then imagine one person alone trying to get two bikes into the trunk of a normal car. It is not exactly easy. They always tend to get mingled into each other and getting stuck or hitting the sides of the trunk. Then add to that a very heavy snowfall, and it won’t make things better.

Well well, being very stubborn and determined I did not give up until I - after a lot of swearing, yelling and a couple of tears - managed to get them in. Ok, I could not close the trunk, but no matter. I could close it well enough to drive down to town. Of course the whole interior of the trunk and the back seat of the car were covered in snow, but at that moment I could not care less. Quite happy with myself I drove down to the bicycle repair shop that I have used before. Only to find it closed!!!! I almost freaked out!! Guess if I was cursing the Small Town!

Well, well, I knew there is another one and on the way there I prayed it would be open, and at the same time making the decision, that if it was not I would have to drive around with my two bicycles in the car until it opened, even if it would take until spring. Fortunately it was open! A very nice man helped me getting the bikes out of the car. He did not really seem to believe that I had managed to get them both in on my own! One of them he could fix immediately and the other one I had to leave for later. Anyway I was quite happy and satisfied with myself. I left the bike in the car for a couple of days because of the snowfall; I could not really see any reason for letting more snow in. I had just started to realise was snow in your car can do.

What happens to snow when it gets warm? It melts. What happens to melted snow on textile? It soaks in and makes the whole textile damp and causes a very humid air in the car. What happens when this humidity meets cold glass, as in windscreens? Yep! It freezes! So now I don’t only have to scrape ice off the outside of all the car windows, but also from the inside! Great job!! Love it! I think I have to take the car out for a drive for a couple of hours with full heating on. Where to go?? Anyone wants a visit??

Matter of Honour??

Now I will write things that might not be very typical for me or my blog. Normally I am very liberal and prefere reconciliation and forgiveness instead of harsh punishment and condemnation and I rarely call for extradition of criminals. But there are some areas and some acts that I just can not see from that perspective. One of them is what is normally called “honour related” crime and violence.

Today there has been a lot of discussion about murders committed out of “honour”, again. This morning a 16 years old girl was found dead in front of her house after having fallen from the balcony on the fourth floor. The cause of the fall was not completely clear, but crime could not be ruled out and two male relatives were arrested. It was not openly said but I immediately felt it could probably be “honour related”. In the news this evening it was still not sure, but the discussions were all pointing in that direction too.

These are actions and crimes that I can see absolutely no excuses for and I believe those who commit crimes like that should be immediately extradited! No matter the reason for their coming to Sweden or where they come from. In case the perpetrator is Swedish citizen I might even be ready to consider revoking their citizenship, something that is normally not possible.

I find in completely unacceptable and upsetting that people who come here to find a better life will not be ready to grant the same rights and opportunities to their daughters and sisters!!!

Ok, there are probably explanations to why they act like this and in some cases it is possibly not evilness and hatred that make them do things like this, maybe they might even believe they act out of some weird kind of love and do what is best for the family etc etc. But I don’t care!!! It is just unacceptable!! And even if you try to explain it through society and lacking integration, it does not really help. I believe that no matter how badly integrated you are into Swedish society you must have been made aware of that this is not an accepted behaviour here. And if you can not accept that; sorry, but then I feel there is no room for you in this society! Then I feel you have lost your right of protection here. Of course you can say the same about a lot of other crimes and problems that kind of follow you where you go, ie ethnic gang crimes etc, which would leave a lot of reasons for extradition, but I still think there are important differences. First of all it is mostly directed toward family members, the ones you really should love, care for and protect!! And often the victims are children, as the girl mentioned in the news, who was only 16. Of course there are other horrible crimes and of course ethnic Swedes, who you can not really extradite anywhere, even if you would like to, also commit similar or worse crimes. But I find it hard to believe that they feel very honourable then or feel they have done something right and expect (and get!) respect for what they have done. That’s why I think these criminals really wasted their right to live here.

Small Town Monster

Spent the weekend in the Small Town. As always that meant a lot of anger, disappointment, frustration, irritation and tears. I really can not stand the place!!
The weird thing though, is that the people who live here are really nice and friendly. That makes me wonder what is wrong with me. How come these people can stand living here and still be human and kind, while the town makes a complete monster out of me?!?
The only possible explanation I can see is that they grew up here and have spent their whole life getting used to the place. I would like to consider myself rather flexible and adjustable, but in this place there is just no room for flexibility. I feel as if I am a star shape, or at least some figure with a lot of edges and corners, that someone is trying to squeeze into a square box. I will just not work! It took me quite some time to become who I am and what I am does not fit here. And somehow I like what I am more that what I would have to become to fit in here. Hence I am a complete disaster here! I don't like myself here!

Small town past time

Well, maybe I should try to say something positive about The Small Town and the area I live in now after all (even thought it might not be so easy). The most important positive thing I can think of is that people here are very kind, in a sweet and friendly manner. They seem to be helpful and cheerful, even though maybe not in the most spontaneous and open way. I don’t think you shall expect them to come to you and start to talk to you if you are a stranger, but if you by any chance approach them, they are friendly.

But – yes, of course there is a but to this as well. They are cheerful in a very nature-loving-open-air-healthy-sporty way. Most of them are fond skiers, fishers and hunters...Yeah, well… it sometimes seems almost Norwegian, that can sometimes be a bit too much for me.

For example, I have now heard from several colleagues of mine that on the weekend, if they had nothing to do, they took food with them and went out somewhere in the open, made a fire and grilled sausages etc. In wintertime!! For no particular reason!! Ok, I a sure that can be nice, and I don’t mind doing things outdoor, but honestly; I would never come up with the idea and neither would any of my friends…

Space less

I am getting really fed up with my situation in the shitty small town. The place is turning me into a sad, grumpy, irritable and far less fun person. Not only is the town a shitty place. There is just no space for me where I can be myself. I really do like my job and my colleagues, but I absolutely hate the office we are sitting in. It is so crowded; we are eight persons sharing one room that is not built for it. The problem is not the lack of space though, for me it is the lack of respect for each others. Some of my colleagues obviously like to have the atmosphere of a leisure house or kindergarten in the room. It is bad enough that we disturb each other with necessary phone calls and spontaneous meetings with the colleagues, but completely freak out having to listen to people’s private chats, discussion about apartments, cars, parties and most of all, the senseless blabber and jokes and gossip and small fights. It is horrible to try to do some kind of work in that atmosphere, especially not any kind of analytic work. Since I started working there this summer I have tried to get this message trough, without success. I feel I don’t get any response at all and I find it rather respectless.

At around six o clock in the afternoon it gets a little bit better and sometimes it is even quiet enough to manage to think one whole thought and then I could start working. But I don’t feel it is right that I should have to stay in the office late till late in the night to be able to have reasonable working conditions. And after a whole day in that noise one gets very tired.

So after such a day I go home and the first thing I hear when I open the front door is the party music from my down stairs neighbour. So the rest of the evening I can only hear the base tones banging through the floor, killing the sound of my own choice of music or TV. Every evening!! I am so fed up!! There is just not one single space where I feel at home, where I can feel comfortable, relaxed and at ease. I wonder how long I can take it…

Different Lives

The last couple of weeks Swedish television has been absolutely crowded with different “galas”, music galas, sport galas, tv-show galas and film galas etc etc. This is absolutely not my kind of shows so I normally never watch them. But today there was really nothing else on TV and I had no real energy to do anything else so I got stuck in front of the screen for a while and I very soon realised another reason to why I don’t watch them; I simply live a completely different life. Not that I expect to identify myself with the sports-/music- or film stars on the shows, but of all the Swedish movies nominated for the different Swedish film awards 2007 I hadn’t seen one single one!! Not even the documentaries or films that were broadcasted on TV!! I felt so out of tune with the rest of the country!! I could only imagine what it would have been like if I would have gotten stuck in front of the sports gala. Then I would not even have known the stars of the gala!!

A Weeping Song

Today I am just so pissed off, frustrated and sad. The project I have been working very hard at for the last couple of months and finally managed to get on track was today cancelled (or at least postponed undefinatly) due to reasons completely out of my control. It is so fucking frustrating. I have been so focused and put so many other things aside to get this high profile project going and then, nothing... Ok, I can understand the reasons, but still not. This is nothing really new, everyone ought to know this, but just because the focus changed, everything obviously changed.
I am talking about the project in Afghanistan. Of course we were perfectly aware of the security situation, but still we made the decision to go there. Then a bomb went off outside a hotel were westerners use to stay and one Norweigan die. More people died, but the Afghans noone counts, but this time one Norweigan died and then of course it is so much worse!!! I still believe it would have been different if it had been even an American, a British or a German. But hey! A Norweigan!! That is almost a Swede!! Then we can not go there!!!
I am not trying to downplay the dangers of going to Afghanistan, but I still believe this is nothing new! Who thought it was perfectly safe?!?! If this risk is too high we should not be there at all and why the hell spend time planning and organising projects there then!!??

And it took away a chance for me to get out of this place for two weeks!!

I am just so frustrated I almost look forward to the funeral I am going to tomorrow. Not that funerals are very enjoyable occassions, but this time I will use it as a legitimate reason for crying out loud over my miserable life!! There is a risk however that my family will take it as a small over reaction to weep that much over my dead uncle, but that is a risk I am willing to take.

A Quitter..

Today I gave up! I gave up my couch slouching lazy life and got back to the gym. I honestly just couldn't keep it up any longer. I seriously had planned not to go there untill after I was back from the trip that I will start next week. My membership had expired and I did not want to renew it now as I am pretty broke for the moment and also because I knew I would be away for two weeks, but today I just couldn't anymore. I feel my body is used to work out and just is not very happe with a longer time of inactivity. I felt my back started hurting and also felt I got more stressed. The last days and this week is pretty busy at work and today I felt a stomach ache I haven't felt in a long time and that I think only can come from stress. So, today I went to the gym, renewed my membership and took a spinning class. I am sure I will feel better!

Who said training is not addictive?!

Trend Breaker

I don't know how I really do it, but somehow I always seem to go against the stream, even if I don't intend to. From always being rather consequent in my fitness training and to do some kind of sport two or three times a week, I have been passive for quite some time and decided that it is ok. I have been thinking about going to the gym basically every day this week, but then changed my mind and decided to stay on the couch and felt absolutely good about that. Then I just heard on the TV that there is a rush to fitness centres all over the country. The centres are over crowded and some even have had there webpages over loaded. Of course this is nothing new, after Christmas and with the promises people make for the new year they flood to the gyms to take care of the over weight and bad consciense.

So now I feel even better about my choice to stay on the couch. I don't have to fight for space in over crowded gyms and I know, that later, when the others already have given up, I will still be fit and happy to take up my old habit. :-)

A Wish for 2008

As I wrote I haven't made any promises for the new year; I do have one wish however. I would like people around me to work less. Or at least to talk less about how much they work. Lately I have the feeling that everyone is complaining about how much they work. Or sometimes not even really complaining about it, but just keep telling you and letting everyone else know how extreeeemly busy they are and how much they have been working. Sometimes it seems as if it was a kind of competition.

I don't doubt they do work a lot. I think most of my friends work a lot and I think my working hours are also not that few, but maybe especially therefore I am so fed up hearing about it. If it really is a problem, if you are on the edge of being burnt out you should do something about it! Let your boss know! If it is just a way to make everyone think you are very important and special; it wont help. You are important and special anyway and would probably be more so if you could talk about something else.

Don't get me wrong! I don't mind people talking about their work. Not even if they complain and are unsatisfied with somethings. I also don't mind people letting others know they are doing a good job. I am just so fed up to ALWAYS hear about the HUGE amount of work load people are carrying. When the first think you constantly hear from someone is "Oh I am so busy! Oh I have been working so much". Not if this is a constant situation. Of cause everyone can be under a extreme pressure at times and sometimes your case load is getting out of hand, but I am talking about those people who constantly talk like that. As if they were the only ones who had a lot to do.

So, for 2008, please sort out your work and realise you have other, more interesting things to talk about!

Happy New Year!

New year, but this far not much have changend. This year however some things must change. For sure!!
I haven't really decided yet how I will do it but something must happen.
Somehow I was so busy at New Years eve I did not make any promises and committments for the new year, but I will try to do some more blogging again. I have been really bad at it latelu, to some extent because I have been spending time on Facebook instead, but seriously, blogging is more fun! I have even been thinking about starting a new, serious blog in Swedish, we will see... Hope you will be with me in 2008 too!

Now; I will go to bed! Good night!

Myth Buster

There are loads of myths about men and women that I would like to see dead, once for all… Simply because they are sooo wrong. Maybe I should make that my mission and a new theme for my blog?!

One is the myth that women would not know what they want and somehow should be indecisive. Another is that women speak in riddles and that men should be more straightforward. That is just sooo wrong!!

I have ever so often ended up in relations with men who don’t seem to have a clue what they want and whenever I tried to find out, the most intelligent answer the man in question could provide was “I don’t know”. No matter how I rephrased the question he would not say anything else than I don’t know. In my opinion some of those questions were just the kind you just have to know the answer to, but maybe the person just felt uncomfortable to tell the truth and maybe thought I would get hurt. Therefore I started giving suggestions for different answers and after quite some time I think I got some kind of answer. After I had more or less put the words in the mouth of the man in question. I just don’t understand!! How fu..ing hard can it be?!!? Just answer the bloody question!! If I ask, of course I want the answer! If the person in question is so indecisive and unclear, of course you suspect he is “just not that in to you” and maybe wants to break up, but why the hell just don’t say that then. It is not one time now, that I have had to break up on behalf of the guy!! Why are men such cowards!??! Stop wasting my time!!

Now I thought this might just be me. Me meeting the wrong guys or me being too pushy or what ever… But now I have heard so many similar questions that my thesis has been confirmed. Recently I spoke to one of my long time friends. She has been living together with her boyfriend for six years. They are both 35+, not married, nor engaged and have no kids and live in a three room rented apartment. I think they both have been quite happy with that, but for some time now my friend seems to want some kind of change or at least get some suggestion to the direction of their relation. Should they get married, try to have kids, buy a house or maybe at least buy a boat or at least do something new? But whenever she brought the question up for discussion the only answer her boyfriend could give her was “I don’t know”. How the hell can you not know after that time!?!!? You must have some idea what you want to do with your life!! And after six years together, would you not think your partner is entitled to an answer!! And IF you of some unbelievable reason really do not know, any normal person should realise that you can not say that to a person you have been living together with for six years and who wants to have an answer. That is so respectless!! Then you just have to give an answer and take the consequences. Oh, I am getting angry while writing. Men grow up!! My friend now realise that she can not wait any more. If she waits and ask the same question in a year, she will only get the same answer. His loss!!

Ice Cold

Another reason to hate the place I am in and winter in general: the ice on my car!
Of course I was aware that you might have to scrape ice of the windscreen in the winter time, but the ice here is quite something. Thick, thick layers (like the beer commercial; "really thick!!") that takes ten minutes to get off. I suppose it is the closeness to the big lake that causes the high humidity and probably it will get better if the lake freezes, but that means it will have to get even colder first..:-(

November Blues

Not that I like winter particularly well, but today I would have preferred if it would have stayed cold.
This morning when I went to work, it was a clear, chilly, crisp morning so I put on my white, fur brimmed winter coat and my beige suede boots. Perfect for that weather!
In the afternoon when I left the office it was raining and there were dirty puddles everywhere. Not very suitable for my clothes….:-( I hate winter!! I particularly hate November! I need vacation!! Sun!!!!!!!!!

Is this me?!?!

I just had a look at my chinese horoscope on Facebook, according to which I am a Metal Dog. I am rather sceptical towards astrology and now I will be even more so. Or what about reading that I am not easy to live with!?!? Or maybe I then can use that as an excuse..
There was also a section where they combined the chinese sign with the western. I don't know if they actually combined MY two signs or if they picked the equivalent western sign and it just happend to be an Aries Metal Dog, but this is one of the things it said about "me": The Aries Dog
These Dogs are self-confident and independent. They won't settle down too early because there's too much to do.

Hmm, does sound a bit familiar...

Normal life??

Just to write that I have absolutely nothing to write!
Just feel very empty and uninspired... Is this the real normal life?!
All of a sudden I feel I have a lot of work and unfortunately find it very difficult to concentrate in the office.
At the same time autumn is getting really serious, cold, wet and dark... Fear the winter!!

Fascinating Facebook

After some initial hesitation and even some aversion against Facebook I have now given in and started taking more active part of it. There is still a lot of junk and applications that I just don’t understand the point of, especially the ones where you “send” stuff to people, like hugs, spanks, drinks or small fish or gifts etc. But it is a nice way to get in touch with people you have lost track of and also to stay updated on the ones you have less frequent contact to.
But I have also discovered another, probably unintended side effect. It is also a way to lose friends or at least to get confirmation of that someone who used to be your friends isn’t any longer.

It does not even have to be an active rejection in the way that you refuse to accept an invitation, it can also be the very passive, silent refusal of sending an invitation. You notice when you see that you and this person have a billion friends in common, but still you don’t have that direct link, not even though you are the one who basically introduced that person to the rest of the gang. Before it comes to that point you have probably already guessed that something was wrong, when you go from nearly daily contact to no contact for months, but there are of course a million reasons for not calling or sending a message, mostly lack of time, but on Facebook most of the reasons aren’t valid anymore. So then you would guess that there has to be another reason, but would it not be nicer to tell it straight out?! Of course you sometimes have to break up with friends too, but wouldn’t it be odd to confirm a break up on Facebook?

Well, if someone has decided that she does no longer want to be your friend anymore, it is not much you can do but to accept it. And anyway, I don’t need "friends" like that…

To Move Or Not To Move

Been thinking about moving. Am not happy with my apartment, especially not the neighbours. Saw two other apartments on the net today, bigger, closer to the centre and seemed to be in a nice house, but then it means they are also of course more expensive. Still not expensive though, but not as cheap as my present one. SO, the question is; is it worth while going through the hustle of moving again? Will I feel happier there? Is it worth paying a little more or will I still be unsatisfied but only have less money left to spend on other thing??

I don't know! And I guess I should have cancelled my present contract today then...

Town of the dead?

Just came back from a sunny and warm Stockholm to a rainy and grey Small Town. I think, however, that is more symbolic for how I feel about the place than a mere meteorological fact, the weather is actually quite good here and I think often better than in surrounding places...

However, I do think there are more dead people here than alive!

Very close to where I live there is a HUGE cemetery. It is very beautiful and park like, but it is really huge for such a small town. I kind of assumed that would be the only cemetery in town and hence that big, but today I saw from the train, that there is another one, just next to the church and it was also very big. And it was also very neat, tidy and well kept, so it seems the town cares more about the dead than the ones alive, let alone the ones really living...

Now I am off for another "night on the town". I am meeting some of my colleagues in a bar, we'll see what will happen this time...

Community action

Just to let you know that I am not only whining about The Small Town-misery, but also take some action against it; I want to inform you that I just sent an e-mail to the town council complaining about the parking ticket policy. Not my personal ticket, that is under my dignity, but I just wanted to inform them that this little shitty town actually can not afford being that rigid about these things. If there is one thing this place have more than enough of, it is empty spaces! So why the hell charge people at all if they want to park the car there and try to see if they can find anything worth spending their money on in the few shops!!??

So, now it feels a bit better!

Hating The Small Town

Today I just felt I hate The Small Town! I took the risk of staying here over the weekend. I will do my best to avoid that in the future!

The reason for staying here was that I have been away lot lately and felt tired and just felt like relaxing and sleep late in the mornings and then I also felt I really had to do some cleaning and organising in my apartment as well as work a bit. When I woke up however I thought it could be nice to go out for a while first, as the weather was quite nice. I also thought I could take the chance to go to some of the many flee markets in town as they are only open Saturdays. As I slept late and had a long and relaxed breakfast it got a bit late before I got out, but I could not see that that would be a problem. It was; I realised! ALL the flee markets closed at noon! They are only open Saturdays 9-12!!! My God!! Is it so strange and weird to sleep late one day of the week?!!? But maybe it is only the old, crazy, disabled, mad and unemployed here that go to the markets anyway…

After that I was a irritated but still wanted to do something, so I parked the car and went strolling through the city streets and the few shops. It did not take long, but I also talked on the phone and went through a park and along some nice houses before I went back to my car. Only to discover I had been given a parking ticket!!! Apparently I was a little late; the time I had paid for had expired. Seven (7!!) minutes after it expired I was given the ticket! I completely freaked out!! Especially as this town has absolutely no parking problem. My car was the only one in a huge parking lot, and still they have to fine me for being seven minutes late!!! In this ugly, disgusting, horribly boring, shitty little town they feel they have to harass people who are seven minutes late to their cars!?!? And then they wonder why people don’t want to live here. I was so frustrated and angry I just felt I had to get out of town.

I had found a brochure of a manor house not far away. It looked very nice in the pictures, a big white house in a park by a lake and with a restaurant and a café and a conference centre so I decided to go there and have lunch or at least coffee. At first I also had plans to stop in one or two of the towns I had to pass on my way there, but when I saw them I realised they would probably be like The Small Town so I kept driving. Once I came to the manor house it was as beautiful as in the pictures. But of course it was closed!!

I am so tired of this place! I really don’t want to live here!! I think several of my colleagues are going through the same at the time. And I am really worried for what it will be like in the autumn and winter. I hate winter in Sweden anyway and I don’t think it will be better here…

Time reference

Sometimes I feel I have difficulties to realise how old I am. Today I was in Oslo for a meeting and after the meeting I had one hour before the train left back to The Small Town. I used that hour to walk around Oslo centre and the harbour. I was thinking about the last time I was in Oslo and realised that it was almost twenty years ago!!! That is scary!!! Especially as I - at least at that time - thought of myself as a grown-up then. At the very least I was definetly not a child. That is scary!!

I remember a time when I was not even aware that I was alive twenty years ago!!
But I guess that time will probably come back again. Hopefully not so soon! Or maybe it will then more be a matter of not remembering what happened 20 minutes ago!

Facebook explosion

What has happened??!! The last weeks Facebook has formally exploded in my environment!! I don’t really remember when I first got the invitation to join, but I did not pay particular attention to that. After some time I did reply to a request and opened an account, but did not do anything further. Then a couple of weeks ago almost all my colleagues started talking about Facebook and also more and more friends seemed to have it and I have received more invitations. I have signed up for yet some, but still haven’t done much about it. I realise it would probably be a very nice and useful thing for me as I have this strange habit of moving a lot and finding it more and more difficult to keep in touch with friends. But on the other hand; when would I have the time to maintain it?! I feel the thing with it is that you are supposed to spend some time on it regularly. I find it hard enough to maintain my blogs! Ok, maybe Facebook could replace the blogs or at least complement them, as it is more interactive, but still every now and then I feel like writing more than suitable for Facebook.

But is it not interesting how things spread over internet?!?! All of a sudden some things just get this hype and people all over the world are busy reading, editing, checking, yes simply doing more or less the same thing!

Back again!

Been away for a couple of weeks. In Stockholm for a two weeks course. I did not think that would stop me from writing some things for my blog, but yeah was I wrong!! It has been two very intense weeks. Long days full of lectures and after that lot of group works and case studies that we had to work on and of course also a lot of social activities!! Unfortunately the group that I was in did not work very well together. In the beginning I thought it was just because we took more active part in the socialising than some of the others, but later I realised that we were just a very dysfunctional group! So did the facilitators and then they made us elect a leader for the group, which we of course should have done immediately, and unfortunately that was me. It almost made me crazy!! All the participants were great people, but it was just impossible to get everyone working together! At last we managed to create some kind of presentation, not a good one, but at least we did not have to stand there and say nothing. I can not say that our case study taught me a lot about our case, but a lot about working in a multinational environment. In our group we were two Swedes, one Brit, one Italian, one Nigerian, one Sudanese and one Indian and that is some cultural mix!!

The course also contained some practical exercises in weapons destruction by use of saw and oxy torch. Good fun! Pictures enclosed.


An automatic gun after being cut by an oxy torch, simply melted away.


A Rambo for peace!!





As the course took more time than I had expected I did not get as much time to see my Stockholm friends as much as I had hoped, but still got some time for them. That was nice! I miss living in a city!! It was not very nice having to go back to The Small Town. I have realised though that it might not be my noisy neighbours that are the problem here; it is the fact the town it so very silent! I do prefer to hear traffic sound than the sounds of my neighbours!

Small Town "Service"

Yesterday we had another “Small town experience” at our local bar. We were out for some drinks and food. Some of my colleagues had ordered hamburgers and when they asked for some ketchup they were told the house was out of ketchup!!!! How can that be?!?! At that time the supermarkets were still open so they could very well have sent someone over to buy, but no, they rather preferred to make their guests disappointed. But that was only the start!! One of my colleagues got a beer that was flat and when she told the waitress and asked for another one, the waitress answered: “ok, but if that one is flat it means the next one will also be flat so you’d better change to some other beer”. Can you imagine!?!?!? Instead of just changing the barrel they will first try to sell the rest of the flat beer to flat customers who will not complain!! Another colleague arrived a little later and asked for nachos, he received the answer that “no, the kitchen is closed, we are closing now, I am taking the last orders”. It was not even nine and the place is normally open much longer why we all looked a bit surprised and asked how come, and what time they are closing. The poor waitress, who I already knew for not being very smart, it was the one with the “small big strong beer”, made it all worse. “She said we are closing as soon as you are leaving.” Of course we opposed that was just the whole ting, we were not planning to leave just yet, we wanted to order more! Then we asked again how come they were closing that early and she replied “because there are no guests” Yeah right!!! And the guests they had they were busy throwing out!! I mean we were more than 10 people at our table and some more were expected. At least we got to order one more round of drinks and Richard made a new try to get some nachos, asking if it was really not possible that the chef could make some, but then the poor girl informed us that the cook had just thrown out the minced meat. So I guess he would not have wanted to eat that anyway.

We all agreed that we have been going too often and too much to this place, they have become lazy and comfortable, it is time to stop going there and find some other place. Unfortunately that is not so easy around here, but we left and went to a hotel bar which recently got their license for serving alcohol back, after having lost it this summer. We don’t want to know the reason for that. However, there we could still have some food and drinks and nice service, albeit a bit slow. That is really the one thing that I miss the most living here, decent bars and restaurants. These places have a little of DDR or Soviet style service.

I have found some “friends” on the net, who also are discovering this side of Sweden, have a look at www.detsannasverige.com

I am back...

...from Peru.
But information about my trip to Peru you will not find here, but on my travel blog, http://goodrun-crazyworld.blogspot.com

Out of the ordinary

I don't really think this is something that fits in the Normal Life, not even in my weird Normal Life.
Yesterday at the party after the race, my boss shortly took me aside and asked me if I speak Spanish. I had to answer that unfortunately I don't. That's a pity she said, because if you did I would have asked you if you could co to Peru on Monday. But could you still go to Peru on Monday. And, well I answered yes.
So now I have been spending the afternoon at the office packing bags with all sorts of equipment, technical and personal for me and two more people who will be off to Peru tomorrow. The reason is of course to allieviate the suffering for the victims of the earthquake. We will fly in tents, blankets and tarpaulins etc.
At first the plan was that I would fly with a regular flight early tomorrow morning and arrive in the evening local time. Now that has been changed so that I will fly with the freight plane a AN 12 tomorrow in the afternoon. That will of course not be so comfortable, we will have to bring our own ear protection (ear plugs is not sufficient!) and our own food and drink. We will fly via the Canary Islands for a fill up, but then no one really can tell how long it will take for us to arrive in Pisco.
So I am up for a journey, that's for sure. I will be away for approx one week and don't think I will be able to blog during that time. But afterwards I might have something for my Travel-blog!

Day 0

And the race is over!
It was great!!! I am so happy with my race. Ok, we did not win of course. This is a race where some real freaks also participate. We did not even win among our colleagues, but came second of our mixed teams. But I am really proud of my achievement. Both me and Christian were really very strong, we just had a weakness in the orientation part, which turned out to be much more important and challenging than I thought. After the race of 5 hours and 3 minutes I still felt very fresh and not very tired at all. No part of my body was acheing, still not, and my colleagues were complaining I looked too fit and fresh. At the party afterwards though I felt I did not need too many drinks to feel a bit tipsy and now I think I will sleep very well!

At the party though I was talked in to to sign up for another race in september and also a cross country skiing race in march! I am crazy! Good night!

1 day left...

Today we stached up on material. Me and Christian went to the only sports store in the Small Town and bought a lot of things!!! All of a sudden we seemed to think material could save us. No, but we have our doubts about the wheather, it could get cold, windy and rainy and none of us had the right clothing for that as none of us normally would do outdoor sports in those conditions...
What worries me a little is that Christian only arranged with his moutainbike today and it still needs some adjustments before tomorrow and he also bought new jogging shoes... The day before the race!!! But hey, the man is cool, so I guess I should not worry either.

The medical coordinator at our office promised to bring the compulsory first aid kits also for us, but as he is also our main competitor and the instigator to this whole thing I am not sure we can trust him, but on the other hand, I am not planning to get hurt either. According to the instructions for the race one should also bring a water protected mobile phone, but what the heck, should that really be neccessary?!?! On the other hand the orientation part really worries me. And still we have not decided on who will sit in the back or front of the canoe. I think I will have to call Christian later...

Shit! I am nervous!! I know it is only for fun, but I am such a bad looser. I hate to loose and it would be terrible to be the last among the colleagues. And it is also a very long time ago I did any kind of sports competition.

Now I will start some carbo loading. Pasta!!!
Then I will motivate myself with watching Kill Bill I think!

Whish us luck!!!

2 days left

Today we had a crash course in how to handle and read a compass. We kind of thought we knew, but after discussing it a bit we realised we had some different views on the matter and as it actually is more important that we agree than that we really know, we had to ask a colleague. Some other colleagues overheard the conversation and got a bit worried that we would get lost in the woods, but then remarked that we do not only have access to our own ambulance, we also have professional Search And Rescue teams!

The plan for today was to develope our paddling technic, but due to the bad rain we did some spinning instead. Was ok, but I still don't know what's wrong with my pulse watch...

3 days left..

well, now it is onlyt three days left until the race! Training is going fine. Yesterday we did some paddling again, followed by jogging and that felt fine. Today I did 15 km on my mountainbike which also felt fine. Today we also secured that we can borrow a compass from a colleague, who also gave us some good advise on paddling, which we might need. Now Christian only has to arrange for a bike and then we are ready to go. I suppose you could say it is a bit late, but what the... better late than never....or?`
Unfortunately my digital camera seems to have given up so I am not sure I will be able to post any pictures. But I am sure you can see it in the papers and on tv etc... ;-)

Neighbours!

I do have an issue with my neighbours! The single mom next door really needs to put some grease on the hinges of her front door; the squeaking is making me crazy. I have been thinking about offering her to oil it for her, but am worried she might take it as a critique, which it also is in a way… Maybe I should sneak out when she is not at home or at night and put some oil on it. The little shit under me now has bought a hubble bubble, well to be honest it smells better than the normal cigarettes, but on the other hand this will probably mean that all of his disgusting friends will hang out here even more. Today they pushed it a little further still. They have for some time been using the lawn as an extra entrance and been driving their mopeds all the way up to his terrace entrance, but today there was a car driving across the lawn all the way up and parked right under my balcony, on the grass. Bloody spoilt kids!
On my way to tennis lesson I was almost stopped by the neighbourhood kids who were holding a “flea market”. Now I know how come this whole town is full of flea markets and “antique” stores! On the way back from tennis I saw what the neighbour with the Hyundai has done to his car. It is a black car but now he has put bright neon yellow windscreen wipers and bright neon yellow grating on the front of the car. It is a grown up man!!! What’s wrong with these people!?!?

Something's wrong

I was just going through the summary of my first experience of training with a pulse watch. Yesterday I was out jogging and to test it I just ran my normal 5 km round at my normal pace of 5 min/km. Ok, I had to slow down a bit at the end as I felt the pain in my right hip that has been bugging me for a while, but nevertheless I made it in 27.37 min, which is ok. I felt good and not very tired afterwards. But looking at the summary of the results afterwards I was confused. The watch told me that I had been running at an average HR of 165 bpm, which would mean 90% of my max HR. That does not make sense! Something has to be wrong, but is it the watch or is it me? Or is it simply that I have the physique of a 20 years old?! :-)

I am open for any suggestions on what could be wrong as I am not very experienced in these things. Now I will make a second test. This time I will try to run at 70-80% of max HR and see what that will do for the pace and the distance.

The City that God Forgot

Today I visited the village that God forgot, or at least that the people left. My sister just bought a motorcycle in a town/village not too far from here and I drove her there to pick it up today. She told me already before that the place was really depressing and everyone I told I would go there said the same, but still I was not really prepared for what I saw. The whole community has grown up around one big industry. The town is in a mining area and the factory was somehow connected to mining and steel industry, although I don’t know exactly what they produced there.
Anyhow, the factory is now closed and the whole place is withering down to nothing. At the entrance of the town/village you see the deserted factory and it is so depressing, empty and broken windows, overgrown grass and rusty steel works everywhere. As you then follow the main street that runs through the village you see a lot of empty houses and closed down shops everywhere. Nowhere much sign of life. It is a ghost town! The people who sold the motorbike where now also leaving. Very symbolic!!
I wanted to make some pictures to post here so you can see what I mean, because unless one has seen anything like that it is hard to believe, but unfortunately my digital camera seem to have broken down all of a sudden! But there is supposed to be a book about those “closed down industry towns” in Sweden. Right now I don’t remember the name of the book but I feel quite sure that this place is in the book.
After this little excursion it even felt quite good to be back in my Small Town!

Turning Sporty?

A little late maybe, but now training for the race has started. Thursday I and Christian did some paddling, and then we jogged down town, to the gym for an hour of spinning and finally walked back. Of course the distance was nothing in comparison with what awaits us on Saturday, but it felt really good. Yesterday I bought a lot of new jogging and training clothes. That is also important! And today I bought a pulse-watch and sport drinks “superior glycogen filling” so here we go!!

Team sport

Time is flying and August the 18 is approaching rapidly. That is the date for the multi sport event I have been tricked into. Some colleagues started teasing and challenging each other to sign up and somehow I got involved too. It is a team thing and we decided to sign up for the mixed version so I am competing together with my colleague Christian. This far we have not been training together once! Tomorrow we will do some paddling which might bee good as that is not one does everyday... The running and cycling might work anyway, although it also involves orientation, which I don’t know if any one of us is very good at. In total it is a race over 31 km but with a few misses on the orientation part and the race can get much longer… (about the race see: www.adventurerace.se)

Some of our other colleagues, who are not participating in the race, but only in the party afterwards, came up with an idea that they probably found brilliant. They will bring the ambulance! Our specially equipped Medical Emergency Response Team ambulance! They thought it would be good PR to show it, but I am not so sure what kind of PR it gives to the teams participating! Bringing our own ambulance….!?

Good things in The Small Town

All of a sudden I felt bad! And felt sorry for all the negative things I write about the Small Town. Actually I don't mean to be negative, I am just fascinated and write about the things I don't understand, but I can understand that this might look negative, so therefore I will try to write about some good things about The Small Town too(especially as I want people to come and visit me here!)
I will start by writing that The Small Town has a very nice art museum (for being a small town). It is very nicely situated by the water, has a nice café/restaurant and good muesums shop and seem to have ambitious exhibitions. This far I have only seen one, but it is very good, about Swedish and Norwegian pupils of Matisse, very interesting!


http://www.kristinehamnskonstmuseum.com

Cars

Since I moved to the Small Town, the word CAR has a new meaning. In the office CAR means Central African Republic, but generally cars seem to be a way of life here. I have already written about the young guys entertaining themselves by racing around the roundabouts on a Tuesday evening and though I never really paid much attention to what their car actually looked like, I know exactly. This is the place for homemade custom Volvos!

You see them everywhere. Old Volvos 740 or 760, from the 80:s or early 90:s but looking nothing the way the car looked when it was new, still not like the real fancy custom cars you can see on TV or in magazines or on exhibitions. No, these are really homemade stuff. Among the standard equipments are of course low profile tyres on aluminium rims, spoilers and some new fancy colour, preferably bicoloured. Then there can be all kinds of extras, no limits! It is soo obvious that there is some young guy who bought the car cheaply and then spent a lot of time and money on it to rebuild it. So it is probably not a matter of money, with all the money spent I am sure they could have bought a newer and cooler car if they wanted but that is not the issue here. To me this is completely incomprehensible!

Even more incomprehensible to me is what one of my neighbours is doing. Almost every day I pass a garage in the area where I live and every afternoon one of the garage doors is open and there is one person and often two or three others are there chatting with him. To be honest I don’t know exactly what the man is doing but he seems to be working on a car. As this man is in his 50:s and seem to be spending all his spare time in this garage I felt pretty sure that the car had to be some very cool old classic veteran car or something like that, and I somehow thought I could understand that you could have that as a hobby. Until the other day when I had a closer look in the garage as I passed and saw that the car is a Hyundai!! How cool is that?!?!

Not even now when I am a car-owner myself can I understand the fascination in cars as such. How you can have cars as a hobby (and then I don’t mean driving!). I am trying not to see my car as just a waste of money and hence an impediment on my oversee travels and therefore I have given it a nickname, to try to personalize it and try to build some kind of relation to it, but I am not sure it works. I am just not a car-person!