Disaster Management at the Office

As my job is connected to disaster/crisis management it seems logical that there is a disaster-film-club at the office. The films shown by the club should be disasters in double meaning, i.e. be about disaster and be disastrously bad, i.e. real turkeys. Today they showed Rymdinvasion i Lappland (Space invasion in Lappland) from 1959. The film is Swedish but the dialogue is in (bad) English as it is a Swedish-American production. However I am not surprised it did not make it in Hollywood. In fact I don’t think it made it anywhere. The film is disastrously bad and hilariously funny! If you like turkey-films. It made me think of Plan 9 from outer space. The story, in case you can call it a story is incredibly thin and there are plenty of long scenes of skiing on the mountain and some completely unmotivated scenes of skating and a lady in the shower. It is just funny and simply impossible to describe.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0053232
www.vujer.com/filmer/rymdinvasion_i_lappland_1958
www.russin.nu/filmview.php?filmid=1151

To add to the somewhat surreal atmosphere at our show the sound only worked the first three minutes on our copy. There was no way we could make it work, but since we had all gathered and started drinking some wine and as the film had subtitles we decided to watch it anyway. When we got tired of the silence one of my colleagues started adding music that he streamed from Spotify. I must say he did a terrific job. He started out with some Bond-music, which worked splendidly! We realised this must be the original Bond!! Then he changed into such different tunes as Thriller, Fly me to the moon and Det är så hälsosamt och stärkande i fjällen. It was a long time since I laughed that much. The comments from the audience also added some extra touch as we interpreted it all from a crisis management perspective with jokes that maybe only we could understand.

There was also a somewhat funny interlude to the show. The film club had promised some drinks and popcorn. I don’t know exactly what they did when they wanted to pop the popcorn, but all of a sudden the fire alarm went off and there was a terrible stench in our corridor. It seems they had burned the popcorn so badly all three microwave ovens were completely destroyed. As we very rapidly could establish the reason for the alarm and the smell we did not evacuate but continued working. Someone called back to SOS Alarm to inform them about the reason and say they did not have to send the fire brigade. But obviously it was too late or rather they had to come as it was an automatically generated alarm and we all had to evacuate. This was actually a bit embarrassing but also funny. Our office is really right in the centre of Stockholm and it is rather big so when all the people gathered in the street and then of course when the fire brigade came, it caused quite some attention. I can imagine people would find it quite amusing if they knew what happened and who caused it.

Hard Times in Fashion and Beauty

Today I went to the hairdresser to have a haircut and some new highlights. While waiting for the highlights go get ready I was reading an issue of Vogue. I hardly ever read this kind of magazines to it was a rather new and interesting experience. Are there really people who find it worth spending time and money on this kind of shit?! And are there really people living like those described there!? And I am not really thinking about the stars and starlets written about.

Most of it was of course “the usual” fashion and beauty tips, most of it for astronomical prices, but it was the articles that fascinated me most. There was among other one article on how to save on beauty in times of financial crisis. The article noted that some people cut down on cosmetical surgery and noted that at least some choose not to make the bigger operations but only lesser corrections. One woman could just not think of stopping having her botox, she only asked the surgeon not to tell her husband and paid in cash. One saved on manicure and let it go twice the time between the sessions, another went from going to the hairdresser every third week to have it done only every fifth week. Wow, just imagine what hard times these ladies must be going through!!

Spring Dilemma

I am feeling caught in a dilemma! With the arrival of spring and sun I feel full of energy and inspiration. I would like to go jogging again as I have now found a very nice 9 km round. I would like to get started going to the gym again, or find a golf club, or go for after work, or cinema or or or…. At the same time I have caught a cold again and feel completely exhausted and just want to drop dead on the sofa straight after work. That is very frustrating!

Simply Happy!

I haven’t been blogging for quite some time, simply because I haven’t had the time! Since I moved to Stockholm I have a life in the real world and less time to spend behind the computer after work. That is good!!
It is so great to have a life and have friends outside the office. I do miss my old colleagues but it feels great to catch up with my “normal friends”. Last week I worked four days and went for after work three days and had a wonderful social weekend. I really like my new apartment and my new neighbourhood. I love to ride my bike to and from work and I simply feel happy just to be here. It almost feels a bit ridiculous to walk around with a stupid smile on my face. I wonder when it will end. But not too much! Right now I just enjoy!

Closing the chapter The Small Town

I have promised that before I moved from The Small Town I would actually list some of the GOOD things about The Small Town. Now that did not really happen, because today I officially, definitely and irreversibly moved from The Small Town!!! I am closing that chapter of my life and it feels GOOD!!!

Anyway, as a way of closing the chapter The Small Town I will list some of the good things:

Good things in/about The Small Town:
• The art museum. Small, but very nice. Beautifully situated by the lake. Interesting and ambitious exhibitions. Nice café and shop.
• The golf club. Ok it’s the only one I have been a member of, but it seems nice
• The cat asylum. Lovely place where you are welcome just to cuddle a cat when you need to. Nice people taken care of stray/abused/”left-over” cats. Made a charming calendar and write ads for the cats that makes your hart melt
• That you can by my favourite ice-cream; Klings

Logistical Mess

I could never imagine the trouble the badly timed car-crash caused. I will not go into details here, they are far too many and too complicated, but since the car is now in the workshop I am without a car. As I have lived most of my adult life without a car I did not think that would be a problem, but then of course I didn’t live in The Small Town and worked 45 km away. There are trains and busses so I didn’t think it would be a problem, but then again, of course I didn’t know this would coincide with my move to Stockholm. And of course the repairs are taking longer than they first said, meaning I am without car this weekend as well. After having spent loads of time on the phone with the insurance company and almost all car rentals in the region I managed to get a car for this week and a small truck for the move this weekend. But I assure you it is no easy thing! What makes it more complicated is that there is no car rental in The Small Town that has normal cars, but only trucks and trailers. So now I have rented a car in The Somewhat Bigger Town and for Sunday a truck in The Small Town, the transportation in-between is not really solved yet, but I felt quite happy with the solution anyway. Then tonight I realised I will have a problem to pick my own car up from the workshop next week. The workshop is in The Small Town and is open 7-16, but next week I am duty-officer which means I have to be in the office 45 km away between 8-18. Of course I could then pick the car up at 7 before I go to work, but as I can not be without a car in case anything would happen at work I will have the duty-car, which means I will then have two cars!!
So either one car too few or one too many, or in the wrong place!!!
Oh I get so tired!!

My NEW Home

So, finally I got access to my NEW Stockholm apartment!! Got the key on Friday at lunch time and the same evening I had the inauguration with some friends over for champagne. I really believe that was the first party EVER in that building. That’s a cool feeling!
Some of my new neighbours obviously found it more important to get their furniture and stuff in place fist, but my priorities are friends and champagne over furniture. The furniture and other things will come next weekend.

I must say I am very happy with my NEW place. The last nights before I came here I had nightmares about it not being what I expected. But it is actually very nice. It is not, but well planned and at least the balcony was much bigger than I expected. There might be little too little wardrobes and cupboards for my clothes and shoes, but I will solve that somehow. And most of all it is NEW!! It even smells new! There are no smells from previous tenants. What ever I do here I am the first person to do it. When I was taking a bath I was looking at the tiles at the wall thinking that every one of them is new. None of them have any stains from water or soap. When I was emptying the bathtub I just happened to look down the outflow and noticed that the drain was absolutely WHITE. Not a stain, no old remains from soap and hair. Amazing!!

With this there is of course also a risk that one gets a bit neurotic and start thinking this is the way it has to remain and that one could get some kind of cleaning mania, as every stain and crack from here on is because of me. Not that I can really see myself having a cleaning mania, but nevertheless I thought it was safest to do what I can to prevent that and the inauguration party could be seen as serving that purpose. With eleven adults, one baby and seven bottles of champagne there can always be someone else to blame. 

March 8

Well, I just felt I had to write something about women and feminism today; the 8 March, International Women’s day. I can not say I have done anything to celebrate it or taken any political action to improve women’s situation today. Not that I use to either, but today I felt rather miserable because of a cold that I caught more than a wee ago and that is not getting any better and on top of that the weather is also absolutely miserable so I stayed inside the whole day and spent quite some time in bed or on the couch reading.

Very suitable however, the book that I am reading is dealing a lot with feminism and related issues and a big part of the book relates to manifestations held or planned to be held in Belgrade on March 8, 2008. The book is written by a friend of mine, who I met when I was living in Belgrade in 2005, but as the book is written later I don’t know the people she is writing about nor was I there when the things took place. However it is very interesting to read. I know the places she writes about and I feel I would have liked to get to know the people. The book shows the situation for feminists, gay and queer activists in a rather traditional, patriarchal society during times of strong nationalistic influence. I am impressed by the energy and the commitment of these persons and also of their sense for enjoying life. I wonder what I would have been like if I had been living as they did in Serbia during the 90.s.

Reading the book also got me thinking about what it means to be different and about group identity. This is anyway one of my favourite topics and something I have been discussing a lot recently with a gay friend of mine. Since I moved to The Small Town I have felt very very different from my surrounding. I can describe it like being a non-fitting part of a puzzle. The colour looks the same so you might think you fit, but every time you try to fit in you realise that there is no way you ever will and for every time you try your own shape threatens to get misshaped and it hurts. It feels like running head first in to a wall, time after time. My friend had the same feeling; he explained it like being among people who speak your language yet you don’t understand what they say and they don’t understand you. I think he had the feeling much of this was because he is gay and that might not be so easy in any small town. But I claim that is not the full explanation. I am as “normal” as you can be in this place, white, Swedish, heterosexual, not physically handicapped and even born in a small place in Sweden. So there is actually no “obvious reason” why I should not fit in here, and still it is absolutely not possible…

It is all a state of mind. How you feel about who you are and what you are. I find it very interesting to think about how important it is to us humans to fit in and to find some kind of belonging, no matter how different we think we are. Sometimes I think this is even more obvious in small towns. Inevitably you will find in every small town a group of people who think they are very different. The thing is only that they, among themselves all look the same. There are those clusters of “different” people. They might think they differ from the rest, but in the group they are all rather similar. They might dress the same way, eat the same kind of food, listen to the same kind of music, and vote for the same party etc etc. Hence they are rather predictable.

I don’t know a lot about queer-theory, but I find it very interesting and appealing. However also within the queer groups there is certain conformity. You have to be queer the “right” way. This was something that (again) struck me reading the book. There was a chapter about the joy and disappointment among the queer/gay/feminist community in Serbia after Marija Serifovic won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2007. The community hoped that this victory might be a positive force for their cause, her being lesbian and not representing the standard Serbian female ideal. Therefore the disappointment was big when she didn’t seem to want to play that part, but instead even performed at an election campaign for the radical party. I can understand the disappointment that anyone, no matter who, is campaigning for the Serbian radical party, but still I can not help to think that this is really queer. Here’s a Serbian, lesbian, of roma ethnicity, who just won the Eurovision Song Contest and not with some turbo-folk song, and who does not look like a traditional Serbian female star, but still supports the radicals. I want to once more stress that I don’t share or even understand her political choice and I can understand those who would have liked her to take another stand, but still I think this is queer. Isn’t it?! It is very unexpected and unpredictable. And isn’t that a lot what queer is about?! And what feminism is about?! The right to be who you are and make your own choices free from pre-set patterns and expectations?!

I believe it is, and one of the queerest persons I have ever met was a white, straight German guy who would not stand out in a crowd by his looks. He was (and I guess still is) a vegetarian and strong supporter of the German green party, which fits nicely together, but at the same time he was also an almost fanatic football fan and devoted fan of country music. To me that is a very unexpected combination and therefore queer.

So; cheers to all you wonderful unique individuals out there! No matter who or what you are I hope you will have the right to continue to be who and what you are and please, be kind to and respect each other.

Love

Feeding the Monster

I must be a bit mad or something. Or at least I definitely seem to have a small monster living in my head. Just as things seem to sort out nicely and get in place, I mean work wise and house wise, I start thinking about how nice it would be to work abroad again. The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about where I would like to go and for how long. I definitely suffer from what in Swedish might be called “någonannanstanslängtan”, the constant longing to be somewhere else. I would really prefer to have a contract over one year, maybe two or three would be ideal. I am not so much into the three to six months contracts that could have been an alternative. I really would like so stay a bit longer in a country, to really get to know some of it, learn about the history, the people, politics and culture in a more in-depth way.

But what do I do then when this monster start calling me to get moving again? Do I tell it to shut up or tell it to crawl away back into some forgotten corner of my mind? No of course not. As the kind and generous host I am to this monster, I feed it. I pick up contact with my friends who live and work abroad and take pleasure in hearing about their life. I read about countries where I have been living and keep reminding myself of what fun I had there and then. I look at the pictures and start thinking about where I would like to go and looking for interesting jobs to apply for. At the same time as I feel so relived not having to constantly look for other jobs and thinking about where to go next, that is what I constantly do. Today I found a job that I would really love and that I have more or less been waiting for, in a country where I would really like to work. But I won’t apply for it!! I will have to stop my self from applying for it. I really have things going for me now and should not make it harder for me.

Stupid monster!! Why can I not just be happy and satisfied being in one place? Other people seem to be.I suppose I will have to make some kind of deal with the monster, as I know it will most probably not just go away. I really plan to stay in Stockholm all of 2009 and I think I would also like to stay at least for the first half of 2010. If I try to get to travel a bit during my holidays and if I continue to feed the monster small portions I hope it will stay reasonably calm and docile.

Hallelujah!!

On the (long and boring) way back from work today I suddenly came to the wonderful insight that this weekend is the last I spend in The Small Town!!!! Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!
Can hardly beleive it is true!!

Out of Synch

Not that this is any news, but recently I have again seen the confirmation of me being so out of synch with the rest of the world. Just to take a small example:
Last week our crown-princess announced that she and her long time boyfriend now will get married. Of course the media was all head over heels over that and there were lot of comments on what this might mean to society in general and the monarchy in particular. The general opinion was that this would mean a wave of good-will and a strengthened position for the royal family and the monarchy and that the republicans (albeit already rather weak in Sweden) will have some though years ahead.

I am by now means a republican although I would not really call myself a monarchist either. I just think as long as the royal family themselves put up with the situation and as long as they don’t make too much of an embarrassment of themselves they can stay and I do prefer them to a politically elected president. (I can go into the reasons for that at some other time). However, the interview where the happy couple announced their engagement made me actually feel more like a republican and less in support for the monarchy. It felt so awkward and archaic. Especially the way the boyfriend had to call his wife-to-be “the crown-princess”. Maybe it felt more awkward and unnatural just because they, as persons, seem to be so very normal and un-royal. Anyway; I noted that my reaction seemed to be absolutely the opposite from the rest of the country. Even though I might not stretch it as far as one of my colleagues who called me “hard, cold and peculiar” because I did not cry at the announcement.

Another example, that might be more significant for my life not being in synch with the rest of the world, concerns the financial situation. I must say that I have personally not noticed the financial crisis at all. Maybe because I don’t really have a financial situation at all, I don’t have any assets or debts, I still have a job and money comes in the 25.th every month and is gone at the end of the next month, nothing new about that. Our minister for employment got famous for predicting year 2009 to become a “shit-year”. Well, from what I know now, my 2009 looks pretty promising.

Growing up..

Somehow I felt that the fact that I, for the first time (ever?!), will have a good job on a permanent contract, as well as an apartment of my own in a place where I actually can see myself living, maybe meant that I was about to grow up and maybe become an adult. But when I see the list in the previous post I am no longer so sure…

Technical Adivce Wanted

Right now I feel the need to modernise the technical standard of my home (life!?). Partly because I will be moving into my new apartment and partly because some things I don’t have or the old stuff I have is not working very well any more, but to no extent whatsoever because I am interested in new technical stuff!! Therefore I really would appreciate if anyone out there hade some good suggestions and tips on what to buy or what to think about when buying:
• Dishwasher
• Camera
• TV
• Vacuum cleaner
• Lap top or at least upgrading the old one

While at it I could also appreciate some good advice on insurances and how and where to keep your savings at times like these…

News??

On the news I just heard about a result from a big research project on diets and weight loss. It is apparently the most extensive research project ever made on the matter. Very surprisingly (?) the conclusion of the project was that no diets work, either low-carb, Atkin’s, GI or any other of all the numerous available diets. The only thing that works if you want to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more. Who’s surprised?! That’s what I have always said; it is all a matter of input and output, plus and minus. Why would it be any other way?!

Praise to the People!

Just happened to get stuck in front of the TV broadcasting the Academy Awards. I normally don’t care that much for it and normally don’t watch the show. I do like film but the circus around it is not so much my thing. Nevertheless I got a bit moved by some of the speeches. Not so much the somewhat over emotional thank-speeches, but more so the motivations for the nominations. I found it great to great actors making speeches about how great the other actors are. I believe we all would need some more speeches where we get to hear what wonderful persons, colleagues, professionals, men and women we are…
Ok, you might get to hear some of that when getting married, retire or at your funeral, but wouldn’t it be nice to get to really hear get to it!? So; make more speeches to honour the people that mean something to you!!

New Office

I must say I am not looking forward to become a commuter. From tomorrow I will be working 45 km from where I am living. There are bus and train connections but not very good ones. We are still a few living in The Small Town so for a start we can travel together by car, but of course it is a bit in convenient that exactly now when I really need the car for the first time, it is not working very well… and anyway it means lost of time and having to get up earlier in the morning. So not my thing!

I don’t really look forward to unpacking and getting used to a new office again, and only for a couple of weeks, either. Buy I guess I will have to think about it not being for very long. I am counting the days.

The First of Last Days

Because things have been a bit crazy lately I hardly noticed something that is quite amazing when you think about it. Yesterday I worked the last day in The Small Town!!
The office is moving to The Somewhat Bigger Town this weekend and from Monday that is where I will be working. Ok I will still live in The Small Town for a while, so that is maybe one reason why it did not feel that overwhelming, but it is only a matter of a month or so, then I will be in Stockholm and I will be having a life again!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel!
And it is not the train coming...

A Crazy Day

There have been some crazy days. A lot has happened, most of it actually quite good. I will tell more about it. But yesterday I got a proof of that you are never allowed be completely happy. After a very good day I felt exuberant and to celebrate things I asked some colleagues over for dinner and wine. Before that I went down to town to buy some sparkling and food stuff.

In The Small Town there are a few rather awkward crossings, but after living here for a while you know them pretty well and know what rules here are. Just before where I wanted to park there is a four-way-stop, very unusual in Sweden. I stopped and as it was rather late there were no cars so I drove again. When in the middle of the crossing a car is coming from the right and does not stop at all but just crashes in to the front of my car. As none of us were driving very fast the crash was not that bad, but of course you get a bit upset. I got angry because I knew I had done no wrong and it was entirely his fault. The other driver also got upset at first as he thought he was right while coming from the right. But when I told him to go back and have a look at the sign he changed his mind realising it was his fault. We solved the situation amicable and none was really that angry any longer, although not very happy either of course. His car was actually worse damaged and then of course he will bear all the costs. But most important of course, there were no personal injuries.

Today I called the other driver to discuss how to proceed with the matter. It was actually a rather nice conversation. I was a bit worried that he might have changed his mind about who caused the accident, but that was no issue. He just said he was very angry with himself as he was the sole cause of the accident. He also said that after all, he was happy that if something like this must happen, he was glad it was with someone as nice as me! And that he was impressed that I didn’t get angry with him, as he would have freaked out completely if it happened to him. I told him that it was most likely because I had had a good day up till then and that helped…

Skiing

Today I actually took advantage of living in the middle of nowhere. Both today and yesterday were fabulously beautiful winter days, with white glistening snow, blue sky and sunshine. Therefor I went for a spontanous skiing trip on my own. Just a short drive and three hours skiing in the afternoon. Not bad!! Good for the first skiing of the season.
While skiing though, I remembered that the last time I was skiing was not last winter, but this summer. Indoors. In Dubai. Weird!

Stuck in a Pattern

Sometimes it is easy to get stuck in behavioural patterns. I believe most people have at some time or another felt that you are doing the same mistakes over and over again. This is no less true for relations. I have spoken to many friends about to what extent failed relations is the result of a pattern of action or pattern of how you choose your partner. But it is one thing to have a vague perception of that you might have a pattern that might not be very helpful for you. Because I mean, if you do what you always have done, you get what you always get. Then there is not much opening for a change. But becoming aware of exactly what your pattern consists of and how to change it is a completely different thing.

Therefore it was kind of satisfying or maybe at least amusing when a friend of mine told me some gossip about a former boyfriend of mine today. Talking about being stuck in a pattern!! She told me that he had recently broken up with the girl he met quite soon after we split. And not long after this break-up, or maybe even before, she wasn’t sure; he got together with another girl. The whole break-up and the whole story about the new girlfriend showed all the signs of a very familiar pattern. I can’t help wondering if they are going to Italy this spring…

Stuck

I am stuck in The Small Town this weekend, totally against my will, because I am duty officer this weekend. It really feels like being electronically tagged. After some insistence I managed to get some clear information on how far away from the office I am allowed to go. I found out that in case something would happen that can not be solved over the phone and mobile internet I have to be in the office in less than 90 minutes. I realised that is enough to be able to join my sister and her family to the closest skiing area tomorrow. Great!! I could get out and get some fresh air, sun, skiing and social stimuli. It suddenly all felt quite ok again. Therefore I got quite disappointed when my sister called tonight and told me they had some problems with their car and didn’t feel really comfortable to go for a longer drive before they had the chance to check it up. So skiing is off. And I am stuck in The Small Town again. :-(

Seeing the Light

I am finally seeing it again. The light that slowly started to glimmer at the end of the tunnel during autumn, but then rapidly faded in December and during the beginning of this year has been alarmingly absent. The light; meaning moving away from The Small Town.
Yesterday I received the information that I will receive the key and be able to move into my new apartment in Stockholm in exactly one month!! And yesterday, as well as today my boss confirmed that I will be transferred to Stockholm some time during March, although the exact date is yet not fixed. So, slowly I am returning to life.

The job might still not be what I want to do, and I am afraid t won’t get better in Sthlm, but I will be there!! I will be able to have a normal life outside work!! That’s a good start!!

Homesick

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my new apartment. It is not so long before I really can move in and what once seemed very distant and unreal is actually happening. Now the job-thing actually seems to work out as well, so things are quite good. Still I can’t help worry a little as well.

I think, dream and long for my new flat basically every day. I think about how to place the furniture, about finally hanging pictures on the walls, about really getting things that I like. Longing for my new bathtub, dreaming about getting a dishwasher etc etc. Not to mention the fact that I will be able to live somewhere where I can have a normal life, where I can meet my friends and go out with them and still get back to my own place, not having to sleep over on someone’s mattress or sofa. I will also be able to get active in some organisation or take a evening course or something like that because I know I might actually be around for a while, not constantly on the move. For the first time in a long time (maybe really the first time) I am moving to something instead of moving away from something.

At the same time all these expectations make me feel a bit afraid that I might get disappointed. I still haven’t seen the apartment and what if I don’t like it when I see it! What if it is dark, if I find it tiny and ugly?! What if it has paper walls and the neighbours are loud?! Well, somehow I believe it can not be wrong and it can not be bad, but all the expectation open up for disappointment.

Madonna in Gothenburg

I am happy to hear Madonna is playing in Sweden this summer. On August 9 on Ullevi, Gothenburg. I would really love to go there, but I doubt I will find anyone of my friends who want to join me. :-(

If I am wrong, please let me know asap. Tickets will be released February 9.

Disturbing Silence

Yesterday night I had real difficulties to fall asleep, which is rather unusual. I could not really figure out why, because there was nothig really disturbing me. Then I realised exaclty that was the problem. It was too silent! It was completely silent, not one single sound.

Now you might say it is good that it is silent when you should sleep, but this is really too silent. When people say the enjoy silence they often refer to being somewhere in the wild, far away from civilization, but that is not entirely silent. There you might have birds, wind and water running, but this place is completely silent. That is really scary. It makes you wonder if you are already dead.

This is nothing new, it has always been that way, but after one week of the wonderful sound of the waves of the ocean, the wind and crickets zirping outside your bedroom I found this silence very hard to stand. I even prefer the distand buzz of city traffic. Can't wait to move away from here!!

Readings of the Hand

On Cape Verde I met this Senegalese man who said he could read your future from the palm of your hand. I am a natural sceptic and don’t believe much in these things, but still I let him have a short glimpse of my left hand and then he said that he saw things that he could only tell me in private. As I just saw this as a very cheap pick-up-trick, I did not care much about it. My friend however, believes much more in this kind of things and she kept reminding him about it and just before we left the island, we passed by his store and then he told me. He told me a lot of things that I won’t write about here, but one thing he said, that came to my mind again when I wrote the previous post, was that he told me to have more contact to my family. He told me to call my mother or my sisters every day. I answered laughing that my mother would probably get seriously worried if I started calling her every day, but considering what I learnt today, maybe I actually should call a little more often.

The No-Information War

It seems my mother and I are having some kind of information war, or rather a no-information war. Today when I called to let her know I am back from Cape Verde I learnt from my father that my mother is in Finland. I had no idea she was going there!! He also told me she is coming back on Tuesday as she is having an operation I never had heard of on Wednesday. He also told me about some other medical issues I did not know about.

Normally my mother and I do speak rather frequently, but I know that she has had some complaints about me not calling often enough. Normally when she thinks I haven’t called in a long time she calls me, but lately I have noticed that she doesn’t. I guess that is where the war started. “I won’t call you if you don’t call me!”

Maybe this is the revenge for me forgetting to tell her that I was going to Afghanistan in June and only remembered to call when I was already on my way to the airport. I know that was probably not so good and most mothers would probably have freaked out! This new year it happened again, albeit less dramatic. I forgot to tell her that I was going to Frankfurt and she only found out when she called on New Years Eve to wish me happy New Year. On the other hand; we are obviously quite alike and it is probably from her that I have this way, so what can she say!?

Back from Cape Verde

So, now I am back from Cape Verde. We got back early Friday morning and it already feels unreal to have been there and now being back in the cold, rain, snow and darkness of The Small Town...
It wasn't very hot on Cape Verde and very, very windy, but at least we got some sun, sea, light and warmth. It was a very nice trip and I will write more about it on the travel blog. Pictures will have to wait though, as we got robbed and my camera got stolen :-(. But my friend still had her camer and once she has sent me some pictures I will post some.

Unbelievable...

Can't believe I did it, but I was out jogging with two colleagues this morning. At six o clock, in three degrees, rain, darkness and hard wind. But it feels good afterwards...

Work Worries

After the two first weeks at the new job I am feeling more and more worried. This far I have had absolutely nothing to do and I have no idea what to to. Fortunately I will only work two more days before my holiday, if not I would have gone mad. Ok, if not I would probably make more of an effort to find something to do, but now I wait till after my holiday. What worries me more however, is that everything I learn about the new job gives me the feeling "this is not what I want to do!!" The new job does not interest me at all and I can not see what I could bring to it and how my knowing and experience could be valuable. That makes me really worried. The only reason for me ever to be here was that I had an interesting job, if not it will be absolutely unbearable. I need to get away from here!! Please!! I hope something good will happen soon!!

Coming Soon!!

Oh!!! I am sooo looking forward to my holiday next week!! Or actually, it is beginning already on Thursday. I am going to Cape Verde with a friend of mine and it will be soooo nice!!
I want some sun and beach and just relax properly. The weather outside my window right now is just terribly, wet, windy and cold ant it is still pretty dark, at 9.45 in the morning!! And work is boring and very unstimulating at the moment, so I just can't wait to get away!!

Don't know very much about Cape Verde though, so if anyone of you has been there, please feel free to share some tips and suggestions. I was getting in the mood yesterday by listening to Césaria Évora. Very nice!!

Small Town Pictures. Nice Ones

Earlier I promised to post some nice pictures from The Small Town as well, but then something happened that made me change my mind... but here they are. Some pictures from a sunny winter day. Idyllic, isn't it!?

My Christmas Tree

Just wanted to show that I did have some Christmas decoration after all!!

What's new?

So, new year and a new job. Well the new job doesn’t really feel very new yet. I sit in the same office and have some new colleagues, but I have been working with them before, albeit not so closely. I have a new boss and will have completely new work assignments but this far I have hardly met my boss and I really don’t know what I am expected to do. The biggest difference was our new network platform and new e-mail and of course it did not work very well the first day everyone was in office, will see how long it takes. It is quite challenging and energy consuming to reorganise this frequently, but that seems the standard story of public administration.

Apart from this, nothing much has happened. Hence the blog silence. Caught a nasty cold the day before Christmas and spent most of the holiday to recover from that. Managed to get to Frankfurt over New Year though, and that was really nice. I will post some nice Frankfurt photos soon, most probably on the Travel blog.

Something that might be new is my early morning jogging. It was easy to get up and go walking or jogging before breakfast during holiday, when I did not get up until 10 or 11. But can you imagine that this morning I got up at 6 and went out jogging!! But alright, once doesn’t make it a habit, does it?!

More Flexible Holidays Please!!

Quite recently I read about some multi religious country, it might have been Bosnia, where students in schools and employees can choose a certain number of days off from school or work, due to religious celebrations. I think that is a great idea for any modern society. We need more flexible holidays. Not only because of different religions, but maybe also due to how much value you put on different holidays and different traditions.

I must say that I find Christmas a terrible waste of days off from work. I don’t mind having days off from work, don’t get me wrong, but I would prefer to place them at a time of my choice, not in the middle of winter when travels to the sun is double the price as the weeks before and after. I actually offered to work these days, but at my normal job there is really nothing to do these days.

I would have preferred to have more days off at around midsummer or Easter or any other time of the year. I have promised myself this must be the last time I spend Christmas like this, but on the other side I think I said that last year too. I wonder how much in advance it is possible to book a trip for next December…

Merry Whatever

Christmas is indeed a weird holiday. Not for why it is celebrated, although that is weird enough, but for what it does to people. Normally I would say I kind of like the concept of the celebrations, I mean I do enjoy seeing my family and spend time with them and as December in Sweden is cold and dark it is nice to make it cosy at home and light candles etc, but sometimes it just gets too much. This year definitely so. I really just would have liked to stay at home, sleeping a lot and reading my books. But somehow that is not socially acceptable only because it is a certain day of the year!! Weird!!! So many people have told me “no, you can not be home alone on Christmas! You must not!” I don’t get it at all! Why not now if I want to?! It is never a problem any other time. Of course it is sad for people who would like to celebrate with someone, but don’t have anyone and therefore are alone. I do have people to celebrate with, but why can I not choose to be on my own?! None of these people would be on their own, involuntarily, if I would not be with them so that is not a reason.

Well well, now I have decided to go home to the family anyhow and I guess it will be ok, that is, it will be as every year. And quite unsurprisingly I have caught a cold just in time, but nevertheless I wish you all a very merry what ever you are doing…

A Good Day

Today was a rather good day. Not only because I had taken the day off, but just generally good. Before lunch I had already had two saffron-buns, coffee with a good friend, two gorgeous twin babies smiling at me, played with a cute dog, a hair cut and being called “principessa” by an Italian street vendor. Not bad! That would never happen in The Small Town! After that I had lunch with another good friend, a meeting that felt quite ok as well as some time for shopping before getting on the train back in time for boxing.

On the train back there was even a man sitting opposite me who said I was very beautiful and the kind of woman every man wants. Unfortunately the man was a completely stoned professional alcoholic, probably also on other drugs and a criminal, very likely on the run from one of the major prisons, wearing two pairs of jeans and two coats, all smelly and he was taken off the train by the police two stations later…. If that is the kind of men that fall for me, no wonder I am single… and maybe I should be happy.

Anti-Climax and a Dilemma

I am still in chock or at least somewhat confused. Today was the day when all of us working in the office on a time limited contract would get to know if we would have a job in january or not. I felt very sure I would not and was prepared for that. Ok, I admit I was not happy about the possibility to be the only one not getting anything and see all the colleagues get new jobs, but still I was prepared for it.

I did not really realise how prepared I was for it until everything changed. I was offered a job. Albeit a job I applied for, but not my first hand choice and I only applied for it as I assumed it would be in Stockholm. Now the job I was offered is in The Next Somewhat Bigger Town!! That basically made my whole world tumble down!!

I might be stupid, maybe mad and for sure a bit crazy, but still I realise I can not turn down an offer of a permanent job in times of financial crises and recession. And I know I should be happy as many of my colleagues did not get a job at all. And this position might develope into something rather interesting and this position is also exists in the Stockholm office and my new boss knows I would prefer to work there and there might be a chance to be transfered in the future and and and.... Yes!! I know I should be happy and grateful, but still I had to go into the restroom and cry several times during the day and I felt like throwing up at times. I was so disappointed!! The only thing that has kept me going for the last couple of months was the prospect of getting out of here. What ever happened I would not be here anymore. Now I am stuck!

Not only stuck! I have to make decisions on where to live. Should I move to The Next Somewhat Bigger Town altough I don't want to live there either and have no plans to stay there very long?? Should I stay here and commute and hope to be transfered to Sthlm as soon as possibel?! But still, it is 45 km to TNSBT, one way, with poor public transport and this job also has on-duty service. I don't know!! And I really don't feel like moving one single time more than neccessary.

I really was so prepared for not getting a job and getting ready to leave and move away from here. I had even started to plan my dinners and my eating so I would not have to buy more food but finish as much as possible of what I already have! And now, here I am!!

Back again

Back in The Small Town again. It is amazing, but it only took two weeks away from here for me to almost forget my home address! Yesterday when I took a taxi back from the station and the driver asked me whereto had to think for quite some time! On the other hand I was at that time so tired I could hardly remember my name. The course I have attended was really good. Now I know much more about disaster management, who knows, maybe I now even know much enough to get my own life in order! :-)
The best thing about the course maybe still was the participants. A very nice group of people from a whole range of countries and different fields and backgrounds. Very nice! I do hope at least some of us will manage to stay in touch. At least maybe on Facebook!

Being in An Enven Smaller Place, where there is nothing at all to do except working on the course and being with the participants meant I got quite some sleep in the beginning of the course, went to bed early and slept well. But as the course proceeded and we all got to know each other better there were more things going on in the evenings. Before the grand finale, the closing dinner, I was already sleep deprived and slightly hung over, the day after I was nearly dead. The course finished on Friday and then I went to Stockholm to spend the weekend there with friends, but yesterday I was so tired I just could take no more and voluntarly left to go back to The Small Town earlier than I had to, just to get some proper sleep. Unbeliveably!!

In An Even Smaller Place

Belive it or not, but I will be spending the rest of this week and the next in a place even smaller than The Small Town, significantly smaller, but I am looking forward to it!!
I am taking part in a training and really look forward to totally focus on one thing for such a long time and in the evenings there will be nothing else to do than to work a little, exercise and then sleep and relax. Lovely! Ok, you might ask; what is the difference to life in The Small Town? The difference is that that is supposed to be a life, this is only for ten days and that is it!!

It is also very nice to be out of the office at the moment as there is not a very pleasant atmosphere there right now. I only whished I had had the time to send a couple of applications before I came here, then I could have tried to think of something else for a change.

An All Time Low

Tonight I had another incredible bad experience with the local “hospitality-business”. I had suggested to my colleagues who live here in The Small Town that we should meet at one of the restaurant/bars here for an after work beer. I arrived first together with a colleague. We took seats in front of the fireplace (the whole place was basically empty) wanted to eat and ordered at the bar. The waitress then asked us if it was only the two of us or if there would be more. We said there would probably be more people coming, but that we did not know whether they would eat or not. Then she told us we could not sit where we had taken seats if we wanted to eat, but had to move over to the “restaurant part”. We asked why, as we have been eating there before, but the only answer we got was that it was a new rule and we could not. To get the picture the place is divided into two parts, one more lounge-style pub part with sofas and a fire place and on the other side a more formal restaurant part. This part is rather dull if you are not really having a formal dinner with a lot of people. Tonight the whole place, both parts, was more or less empty. It was the two of us, two Russians and one other person.

The menu is rather expensive (especially if you consider the quality you can expect) and the only thing you really can order is hamburger from the “pub-menu”. We have always been sitting in the pub part even if we have ordered food, which of course is nicer if you are a group if people were some are eating but some only drinking. But now all of a sudden that was not possible any longer. We asked politely if we really could not sit there as it still was just the two of us and said we would really prefer to sit there. But no! With no further explanation. And remember, the place is basically empty. Anyway we sat down in front of the fireplace and drank our beer while waiting for the food. Somehow I think we thought it would still be ok to eat there once the food as ready and then we would also know if more people would like to eat.

In a corner there was a big screen TV showing ice-hockey (no special game, not even the local heroes) but the TV was on mute. Until all of a sudden the waitress turns up the volume very high, so high, talking was no longer easy. My colleague and I were sitting with our backs towards the screen and the Russians did not look too interested either, the other guest seemed to watch absently. Anyway, before I asked the waitress to turn the volume down, I asked if she had turned up on request and she said she did. I still felt it was a little too much, but never mind. If the guy wanted to follow the game; ok. After a while two other colleagues turn up and the service does not get any better and the attitude from the waitress is not very nice nor service minded. But we try to mind ourselves. After a while she comes and tells of our food is ready and expect us to move over to the restaurant. Again we ask if we can not remain where we are and eat our food there. But no!! It is not possible. When we ask why not, we only get a very irritated answer that they have decided that food is to be served on one side and not the other!! Still remember the place is basically empty. We are the only eating guests. We still remain in our chairs. Somehow the whole atmosphere is gone as well as the appetite. If it was not for the fact that we had already paid for the food I think we would have left. After some time again the waitress just stands at our table with our plates, looking as if she would throw them at us. Ok, better move and eat the food.

I don’t really remember all the little details anymore, but there were all those little things all the time. The colleague who arrived last had not ordered yet but he got the picture and said that he would have liked to eat, but that the way they treat their customers made him lose appetite and only asked for a glass of wine. In the restaurant they also had a big screen TV showing the hockey very loudly. We asked the waitress, still politely, if she could turn the volume down in this part and she said yes. But nothing happened. After a while we asked again, but still nothing happened. After yet a while I see that the only man watching the game had left, then I said that I don’t really think there is anyone interested anymore and asked her if she could switch off. Then she gives us a very weird answer that she can not, she has to have some sound on. When we remarked that there was no sound on when we arrived she said that then she had played music and that it was part of her work to have some sound on at all times. Ok, that is fine, please put on some music then, was our answer, which is much better than ice hockey. The she turns the TV off, but we get no music. So the rest of our dinner we sit all on our own in this very un-charming restaurant in silence. I tell you, it feels very empty.

Ok, the burger was good, but the atmosphere was completely gone as well as all potential fun. As soon as we finished the food we decided to pay and leave for some other place and tell the others who were coming that we left and why! I was planning to tell the waitress that this was not meant personally against her, but that she could forward our opinion to her boss that we find their new policy very unfriendly etc. But I never got that far. When we approach the bar to pay before leaving the manager himself comes out and starts yelling at us. Blaming us for harassing his staff, being impolite and rude and I don’t know what now. He even told us we did not have to come back there anymore. On that we easily could agree!! He even blamed everyone from our office, saying they have had problems with “us” before, complaining and treating them in a patronising “von oben” way and “only because you are an important customer you can not treat us badly”. We were all completely flabbergasted. This was so unheard of! The fact that most “normal” businesses try to treat there important customers good, seemed completely unheard of to him. In the end we could not do anything more than laugh and agree on that we would never ever set our feet there again. Before leaving, while still at the bar, I could not help calling someone that I knew would come and tell them we were leaving and would meet them somewhere else. I could of course have waited and made that call outside, but I just wanted them to hear that. Later another pub had 15 guests that this place wasted.

I really think no one can understand how bad this was, unless you were there. I would never have believed it if I weren’t.

The Small Town did it again!!

Now when I am getting more and more ready to leave The Small Town I had actually planned to write something positive about the place and list some of the good things that I have discovered, there are actually a few. But then, today I got a new parking ticket and that changed everything!

It was exactly the same situation as last time and at the same parking lot. But this time they did even a little better job, they caught me only six minutes after my parking fee had expired. Cut their record by a whole minute!! Well done!!

I did not freak out exactly as much as last time. Only shouted: “Where are you; you fucking retard??” and gave a finger in all directions. (Very mature I admit!) I am sure there is some retarded person who is sitting in a car or in some of the windows around the parking, with a clock and binoculars and dart out to give a ticket as soon as possible.

I just don’t understand how the hell this shitty little asshole of a town believes they can afford to have this kind of parking policy! If it is something this town has plenty of it is space. How the hell can they think they can charge that way for it?! At the same time they complain that the shops in the city centre can not survive and close down one after the other. Surprised?! Not really! Never thought of offering people who want to shop in the city free parking?! Most other “normal” towns, of the same size that I know of, do. There is not really like this place has a parking problem they have to control this way, there were plenty of free spaces. The parking lots in the centre have a parking fee 24/7!!! You don’t find that even in Stockholm city!! Bloody Small Town! I hate it!!

This means I need to get yet a little closer to my move away from here to feel generous enough to write something positive about the place.

The Ulitmate Question

I think I might have found the ultimate question for an employment interview.

If I was to interview someone that I might employ I would ask if that person had a pet as a child (or have one now, maybe). If he or she had, I would ask what kind of pet and for how long he/she had the pet. I think that might be the ultimate question to find out how responsible someone is.

I have realised that some people, in their profession, treat work assignments as pets. Some collects them and take on more than they can handle. Some like them when they are small and cute, but can not really envisage that it needs to be fed every day and that the litter box won’t empty itself or that it might grow and stay around for a long time and when they realise that, they just let someone else take over and they have found a new hobby…

I would not like people like that working for me. And I am quite fed up working with that kind of people.

Happy to not be American!

I soo look forward to when the US-election is over!!!
I am so sick and tired of hearing about the campaining and whos going to win. It feels it has been going on for ever. First the primaries and then the real campain. Do people really care?!

I am also quite amazed by how biased the Swedish media is. It is pretty obvious they all support and expect Obama to win, and have been the whole time. Gone is every kind of objectivness and impartiality. It is also rather obvious how amused and satisfied the journalists are when they find some really ignorant and stupid rednecks full of predjudice and manage to catch some stupid opinions on tape. It makes me scared. Scared both to know that people like that get to vote about the most powerful post in the world, but also scared to see how little integrity Swedish journalists have. But most of all it makes me happy that I am not American!!

Freezing cold...

As always at this time of the year I start to wonder how the hell I am going to survive the winter. I am freezing!! Constantly freezing. It does not matter how much or how warm clothes I wear, I am still cold. My hands and fingers are ice cold during the day and at night it is mostly my feet that gets the worse. The only time I feel really warm is while taking a hot shower. And then the temperature has not even gone below zero yet!! Then I start to worry about what it will be like when the weather gets even colder. But somehow it works and I will most probably survive this winter too. But it is really annoying to have to go through this every year. I am so fed up being cold. I whish I lived in a warm country!!

Paprika Nation

Was in Skopje last weekend: Really nice!! Posted some picture, but decided to put them on the Travel-blog.

A Weekend in The Small Town!!!

It is amazing how relaxing it can be not to go anywhere on the weekend. One prerequisite is of course that you stay away from blending with The Small Town, but staying in the apartment with only short visits to the golf course was a great combination. I have slept a lot, sorted things out, did some work, watched movies, made some telephone calls and feel very relaxed. But it is really necessary that I don’t have any interaction with the town. I can see some of my colleagues, but not go out. Yesterday they had a party and would after that go to a night club; that I refused. You might call me arrogant or blame me for not giving the place a chance. But I am absolutely sure that I am better off not even setting my foot on one of those places. I know I will not like, worse I will only hate the place more. But staying at home is fine!!

Playing golf is also fine! That is one of the good things about the place. The golf course is nearby and most of the time there is not so many people playing, and today was a beautiful autumn day. Unfortunately of course there is nothing open in the small town on Sundays, so when I hit my last ball straight into the water at the 13.th hole I had to go home… Funnily that made me realise that obviously I am know at the club (although I know no one). Walking back I passed the three men playing ahead of me. One of them asked if I wanted them to let me pass. I explained that I was on my way back and was not playing anymore. Then he apologised for not having asked before if I wanted to pass, as I was playing alone. Then he said: “but if I remember correctly you don’t mind to wait and prefer to play alone”. I was flabbergasted, how the hell did he know that?!?! I can not remember ever having seen the man. But obviously they knew me. I guess I am the only member of the club that is neither related nor married to one of the members.

Back to normality?

I realise that if I move back to Stockholm I might not have anything to write about on the blog. After all the life in The Small Town is rather exotic. I was discussing the matter with some of my colleagues today, who are all happy about the prospect of finally get out of here, and we all agreed about The Small Town almost being as exotic as other places we have lived in, as Sudan, Kongo, CAR, Philppines, France; Italy etc etc, only more depressing and tragic. Stockholm is far more "normal".

Wednesday 10 AM in The Small Town

Today I had another experience that showed me who detached from The Small Town we, my colleagues and I, really are.



I woke up with a headache and had to go to the pharmacy and get some migraine medication before I could go to work today. Going down to the centre on a Wednesday morning at ten was an interesting experience. The place was full of people!!!! There was some kind of market on the main square and the pedestrian zone and loads of people. Of course still none between the ages of 20 to 60, but still people!! And at the pharmacy too!! There was a queue of people!! Still mostly old people. So this is what people do here!!! They hang around town at ten on weekday mornings!! I asked my colleagues if they knew anything about a market, no one did.

Application frustration

Today I have been trying to work on writing applications, but it is sooo frustrating and I absolutely utterly hate writing applications!! And if it wasn't bad enough, most of the employers I would like to apply for seem to use standardised web-based application forms. And that I hate more than anything!! It is so frustrating trying to force my somewhat chaotic and out-of-the-box-life into the standard form. It just doesn't work! And you can be pretty sure that the web-page will crash at least a couple of times while you are doing it and if you are really cursed the page can not be saved but filled in all at once, meaning you will have to start all over when it crashes. Sometimes you can not browse ahead to see what information is required. Meaning you will have to start filling it out step by step and then all of a sudden you come to a question like the exact date when you graduated high school, something noone normally is interested in. While you try to sort that out (or just invent a plausible date) you can be pretty sure the webpage will shut down and you have to start all over again.

I also can't help wondering if anyone ever got a job by applying through one of those web-forms. I for sure haven't. I believe it is just a way to get rid of some applicants. Therefore it is mostly used by employers who get a lot of applicants and this is a way to ger rid of many before they even manage to finish their applications. To the ones that manage the system sends an automatic reply and then they employ someone the already know...

Ahhh, that is one more reason why I hate to apply for these jobs, it seems so pointless! Please anyone!! Give me an interesting, qualified, well paid job that I don't have to apply for!!! :-)

In Between Days...

I have just realised I might find myself in a situation where I have neither job nor housing in January and February! Is this a sign of me being a bit unresponsible?? I don't know.
Nevertheless, that means I am very available for new things. I'd love a period abroad again, preferably in a warm climate;-). So, anyone who knows about a posting or a job for that period of time; don't hesitate but please let me know about it.

Talk the Talk

Sitting on the train back to The Small Town from Stockholm, I can not believe how much I dislike the dialect of the region. It makes me feel physically ill. Not when everyone speaks it of course. There are people I like so much, that can get away with it, but just strangers on a train talking in this particular dialect can make me so irritated and make me feel ill and feel I absolutely have to put my i-pod on. ! I find it one of the most appalling Swedish dialects. I know it is completely irrational and it is very personal. I think most other Swedes find it kind of charming and friendly. Friendly I can agree with, there is nothing evil about it, it just sounds very bad to my ear.

It is also so absolutely unsexy. Next to me is a man who might actually be considered good looking, but once he opened his mouth and started talking, it was all gone. This might be one of the reasons I haven’t seen one single attractive man since I moved to The Small Town (there are of course other reasons for that too, but I will not go into that here…). I find voices and the way a man talk very important if I am to find him attractive or not. But I believe I might have rather unorthodox views on what language or dialect I find sexy. I am not saying the Stockholm dialect is sexy, in Stockholm you hear a total mix of dialects anyway so it is kind of neutral and some Stockholmers actually sound rather stupid. Gothenburg dialect is fine as well as some dialects of the north, but there is a fine line, there are some northern dialects that I just don’t like at all. For languages the classical “language of love”; French don’t do anything for me, nor does Italian or Spanish, although I find Italian a very beautiful language. What really get me off is Danish and British English. Yeah, I told you I am strange!

It is also quite strange how I came to write about this on the blog… I don’t get it!! ??

Things moving fast

Sometimes happen quickly. Even more quickly than you expected or maybe even wanted, but then I try to think there is a meaning to it; to stop you from hesitating and thinking too much about it. All of a sudden I seem to have an apartment in Stockholm. A completely legal, fist hand contract for a rental apartment!! For those of you who are not familiar with the housing market in Stockholm I can just inform you this is something very rare and difficult to get by. It is like in a real socialist society, meaning that you either have to queue for it for 20 years, have good connections or pay bribes to get it. I did neither. I have been queuing, but only for seven year so I guess I was a bit lucky as well. Ok, it is not in the very city centre as I would have liked and it is a bit more expensive than other similar apartments, but nevertheless it is just outside the very centre, with good public transport very nearby and the reason for it to be expensive is that it is completely new. It actually does not even exist yet! I have only seen the building site and 3D-projections of it. At the same time as I signed the contract I got to choose wall paper, colour and the tiles in the kitchen and the bathroom. Cool eh!? (Although I had very little time to make the choice and very limited selection so I am very curious to see if I really will like what I have chosen.)

It all happened so fast and I had to make the decision very quick as well as signing the contract. I have had some agony about it as I still don’t have a job in Stockholm and might not even have a job at all after December. But on the other hand; I will be able to move into the new place only in March so there should be ample time to find something. Wow… fascinating and a bit scary, but it is about time I get out of The Small Town and get on with my life.

Glad to have no Economy

Just a short notice to let you know that I am still alive. Just haven't really felt like blogging for a while. A lot of work and lot of other things to sort out kind of drain my energy right now.

Sometimes things that are happening in the world can be food for blogging, but right now it is all about the world financial crisis and I find it hard to think about anything less inspiring. It is depressing, uninteresting and by now rather boring. I guess I should not complain though, for once you can be happy not to even have an economy. I feel very unaffected by the whole circus, I am not losing all my savings as I don't have any and I am not losing my home due to increasing interest rates as I never owned any, so things are pretty cool. I might not have a job after December, which of course might not be such a great thing in a recession, but things tend to work out somehow.

Well, maybe I am playing it a littler cooler that I actually feel, but more about that later...

Small Town Crime

Yesterday there was another “school-shooting” where ten people were killed before the perpetrator shot himself. This time it was in the small Finnish town of Kauhajoki. And as always when anything terrible happen there are interviews in the media and there are people saying they find it unbelievable that anything like that could happen “in this small town” and that they never thought anything like that could happen in “such a small town”. I guess it is natural not to expect things like that to happen to you, anyone you know or anywhere close to you. But if there is something we ought to know by now; it is that these things do happen, and to me it seems they happen more often in small places than in big cities. Ok, I haven’t checked this statistically, but of all the places I can think of where things like this have happened recently, none of them is a major city or capital. I am sure that on a per capita basis this kind of mad-man-crime is more prevalent in smaller towns and communities. So maybe it is really about time we stop romanticise the small town life.

Friday night in The Small Town

I am staying in The Small Town this weekend and tonight some colleagues of mine had a party. They live some way from where I live so I had a bicycle ride of ca 10-15 minutes back to my place. I left at around 1.30 and on the whole way home I did not see one single person or one single car!! On a Friday night!! This town is just soooo dead!! Can not wait to get out of here!!

Something new for dinner..

Today I found some really nice looking mushrooms. I think I will make a stew. Or maybe a risotto again... :-)

The Real Normal Life

Had a great weekend in Stockholm! Nothing special happened, it was just a nice weekend with friends, it was like life is supposed to be.

When I complain about living in The Small Town I sometimes get thrown at me that I can not expect life to be a constant party full of extravagant happenings. Although I don’t really understand why it could not, that is not what I expect. This weekend there were no extravagant party, it was just a very nice relaxed weekend with friends. I was in Stockholm already on Friday for a meeting. Therefore I went there already Thursday and had dinner with a friend. Friday morning I walked to the meeting in the sun. Just walking to and from the meeting and looking at the people you meet in the street and realise that there are still beautiful people in this world, (and handsome men!!!) was great. You never see that in The Small Town!! Just imagine being able to flirt during lunch!! Ok, I remember September is generally a good month for that in Stockholm, but nevertheless…

After work I met with some friends for a couple of beers, which was very nice. Nothing special and not late at all, just very nice. Saturday I played golf, after that I passed by some other friends who recently both moved and became parents, very nice!! After that I met up with other friends for some beers and food and watching a football game in a bar. Again it was nothing extravagant and it did not get late this time either, it was just very nice. As it did not get late it felt very ok to get up early Sunday for another round of golf, or two actually. So, really nothing fancy only very normal and very nice, spending the weekend with friends and enjoing a hobby. I feel that is what life should be like. Not sitting in this god forgotten place and rot!

A New Life?

Well, now I have decided to try something new. Not only did I join a book club, but connected to that I have decided to try a diet. Well maybe not really a diet, but I actually bought a book with a month’s GI-menus and today was the day I wanted to start cooking from the recipes. Not that I really believe in any of these diet-things and I actually don’t think I need to lose weight either. The thing is just that I am so fed up with trying to come up with things to cook and I am so tired of always eating the same dishes and tired of pasta and salads, so any book telling me what to eat would be fine. At least a substitute until I can have a service like “Middagsfrid”. And this food actually seems rather healthy and “normal”. I am sure I will not follow it very meticulously, if I feel like eating something else, I surely will. This is for all those days when I don’t know what to eat and therefore risk ending up not eating at all or munching a bag of crisps.

To start I had to go and buy some stuff, some of it things I never bought before, a lot of nuts and seeds and such stuff. It is amazing how expensive it is to eat this healthy! But on the other hand I now bought things for quite a few days. Who knows, maybe this more planned shopping after a list will actually cost less in the long run. I somehow feel I have collected quite a few adult-points today!! I even made my own homemade müsli!! (in some vain hope it would be as good as the fabulously delicious müsli they served at the Safari Lodge Hotel in Victoria Falls)

Sleepy

I don't know if I have got some mysterious disease or if I just have found myself a new hobby; sleeping.

Lately I seem to be constantly tired. It all started before my holiday and then I just assumed I needed the break, but the thing is it did not get any better after the holiday. Every morning it is a fight to get out of bed, I am just so tired. It does not get much better during the day. As soon as I get home I just want to lay down on the sofa or go to bed. And still I go to bed much earlier in the evening than I normally do, but it does not seem to help. I try to eat healty and I do excercise, but still I just feel tired and want to sleep all the time. I really look forward to go go bed. Very strange!! And it is still only September, were will this end??

Local Drugs

Maybe I would have understood The Small Town if I would have read the local paper more often, but I really don’t think so. Today I actually went trough it at lunch in the canteen at work and got absolutely amazed and flabbergasted over an article. It was about the spread of “spray-abuse” among the pupils of a school in another small town in the area (might actually be even smaller!). I just did not understand it at all. What the f..k is spray-abuse?? What kind of spray? And how do they abuse it? Even though I read both articles on it I did not really get it, but obviously the kids bought the spray in the supermarkets and it seems they were sniffing it. From the slang word the kids use for doing this “glading” I assumed it might be these room refreshing sprays (from the brand Glade).

I found it absolutely hilarious. I am not sure my colleagues around the tab quite appreciated what was so fun about it. But come on; the paper treated it as a very serious problem, and maybe it is. But I have never heard about it from anywhere else, so just imagine the lever of boredom, frustration and imagination too for that matter, for those kids in this little God forgotten place to go and buy room scent and sniffing them high on that. My God, they can not have any sense of smell left after that!! Welcome to country side Sweden!!

Leaving Värmland!!

Ha ha, I just heard the most hilarious piece of news!!

I just happened to listen to the local news on TV and heard that five municipalities from the region where I live now, Värmland, have decided to apply to be transferred to the neighbouring administrative region, Västra Götaland, (where I originally come from). It is absolutely hilarious, not even the towns can stand it here!!

I totally understand them; this region is so backwards in comparison! Of course The Small Town is not one of the deserting municipalities, although it is also direct on the border to Västra Götaland. Only another sign that this place is even more backward?!

Visitor's Weekend

This weekend I had my fist visitors to the Small Town, the first from people who are not relatives of mine or had any other reason to be here. That’s BIG! We even went out to one of the local restaurants/bars/night clubs. A very interesting experience both for my friends and for me! One of my friends also grew up in a small place and is hence used to small towns, but he completely agreed with me that The Small Town seems to be particular backward. Finally some confirmation!!

They came here to play golf together with me at the club here and that was great! Really good fun! That means that I did my first 18-holes rounds this weekend, one yesterday and one today. Ok, I can not say I scored so many points, to be honest today I played really bad. But still, on the whole of it, it was great fun and I got inspired to practise more. I realise though that two 18-holes rounds make you really tired and I feel rather sore all over my body right now. Would love some spa treatment!! Jacuzzi and a massage!!! Lovely!!

Olympics from a different Angle

Well, then the Olympic Games in Beijing is over. It is obviously the least successful Swedish game since Saint Louis 1904, where we did not even participate… Still I feel a little bit proud myself, as I guessed we would get five medals and five we got! I was during a discussion with some friends from various nations, the day after the opening, when we were discussing how many medals our respective countries would take. My friends were rather surprised and disbelieving when I answered only five, but I insisted. So, I guess I was right! (Seppi and Wouti, I hope you remember and can confirm! :-) )

Maybe most other Swedes believed Sweden would get more, only because they follow the sports in the media, which I don’t. Somehow Swedish sports journalists always praise the athletes overwhelmingly in advance. It is, however, very interesting to see the reporting from the Olympics in different media and maybe most of all so in different countries’ media. The previous Olympics I was in Shanghai and hence was watching the reporting in Chinese TV. The Chinese state television CCTV only showed the sports where China had big chances of getting a medal, which of course were quite a few, but apparently almost exclusively the sports were no Swedes have a chance. So even though the Olympics in Athens were one of the best ever for Sweden I did not see one single Swedish medal being won. At the same time there was already then a big focus on this Olympics and the Chinese aim of making it a huge national success. Now, watching these games on Swedish TV I almost had the impression China did not get so many medals and that these games were not the great success the Chinese planned for. Not until I saw the statistics over won medals. Of course they were fabulously on top of the league. It is only a matter of focus. Swedish TV probably spent more time reporting from quarter- and semi-finals, were some Swede MIGHT have a chance to advance, than reporting about another Chinese gold in diving, gymnastics or synchronised swimming. Well, it is indeed all a matter of point of view.

Autumn and Champagne?!

It is amazing how fast the summer ended! Ok, I am normally the one who strongly stress that at least August is also a summer-month, but this year the weather changed so quickly that it almost already feels like autumn. Very depressing!!

I had a lovely holiday but it did not take long back at work for me to realise how very much I hate the place I have to live in. It is really bad! I have lived in many places and felt quite well everywhere, but here it just does not work! I have never hated a place this much. Or I don’t think I ever hated a place at all before. Unfortunately that makes it also harder to like my job although that is actually quite good.

So this autumn will basically be about getting out of here. First of all that of course means finding another job and another place to live. All suggestions and tips are welcome! But I also have another plan, to make things a little easier to deal with. I have decided that for every month, starting from now in August, that I have to live here, I will buy a bottle of champagne that I then will drink when celebrating my move from here. That is a true win-win-deal! If I move earlier I don’t get much champagne but I do get out of here sooner. If I have to stay longer than I would like to; I get more champagne! Good eh?

Useful Clichés?

A lesbian friend of mine is having some problems with her relation. That made me wonder what arguments homosexuals use when their relations do not work. I mean; they can hardly use the same old clichés to complain about “men” or “women” in general. I think every heterosexual man or woman who had problems with their relations have at some time complained about “typical male or typical female” behaviour and the problems these cause. The gays can hardly do that. Maybe that makes them see more to the individual and the unique problems of every relation?! I believe that should be a good ground for a relation. But on the other hand it gives you no cliché argument to hide behind, which might make the truth cruelly apparent.

Olympic Games

This far I have not followed the Olympic games very much at all. I did not even see the opening (as I then was lying on the beach on Mallorca at that time). However today they showed a short sequence from the opening on the news. It showed a little girl in a red dress and pigtails singing a song with a high and clear voice. But the news was that it was not the girl shown that was singing, she was just miming to another voice. The singer was another seven years old girl, who was considered too ugly to be represented on the opening.

At first I was upset to hear that and the news was presented with indignation. That a little girl is told she is too ugly to be shown. But after a while I started to rethink. Maybe it is just another sign of the same preset mind, that of the importance of beauty. And it might also be a sign of Swedish urge for equality; no one is better or worse than anyone else, especially not children.

Of course in an ideal world it should not matter what anyone looks like if the person has a unique talent, but on the other hand is it not more important and matters more to have a talent than just a pretty face? And is it so strange that you want to show a pretty façade when the whole world is looking? Can we not just see this as a combination of two talents? The one who can sing does the singing and the one who is cute gets in the picture. As long as the singer also gets the credit, and in this case the organiser admitted it, at least afterwards it is not so bad or…? And after all I believe that how you look or how you sing at the age of seven does not really say much about what you will look like or sound like as an adult, so why not just let the poor kids be what they are..

Back in office

It is amazing but it only took one single day back in the office to make me feel as if I had no holiday at all! After only one day I already feel tired, frustrated and irritated. Not good!! Of course it could also partly be because I did not get much sleep last night. Because of a delayed flight, that was already late, a missed airport bus and other things I barely got three hours of sleep. Therefore I was considering take the day off. In the end I did not, I just came a little late and wanted to make a soft start by leaving early. That did not work out at all! There was hardly anyone in the office but a very big and urgent caseload, so no soft start there!!

However, I will really try not to get back into the very negatively stressed feeling I have been having for quite some time at work. I will try to hang on to the good and creative feeling that at least was starting to build up the last days of my holiday, although I think I would honestly have needed at least one more week off to really get there. I will try to focus on what I like to do at work and what I am really good at (except spending money!) and what can me further and were I can achieve results. I will also try not to work very late everyday; there are other things to do too. First I will try to get some time to download the photos from this holiday, here or at picasa or facebook, so others can see them too, maybe I will also try to write something about my holiday and my travels here on the blog… and on my other blog, but that will have to be another day, now I really have to sleep to catch up for last night. Good night!

Back in office

It is amazing but it only took one single day back in the office to make me feel as if I had no holiday at all! After only one day I already feel tired, frustrated and irritated. Not good!! Of course it could also partly be because I did not get much sleep last night. Because of a delayed flight, that was already late, a missed airport bus and other things I barely got three hours of sleep. Therefore I was considering take the day off. In the end I did not, I just came a little late and wanted to make a soft start by leaving early. That did not work out at all! There was hardly anyone in the office but a very big and urgent caseload, so no soft start there!!

However, I will really try not to get back into the very negatively stressed feeling I have been having for quite some time at work. I will try to hang on to the good and creative feeling that at least was starting to build up the last days of my holiday, although I think I would honestly have needed at least one more week off to really get there. I will try to focus on what I like to do at work and what I am really good at (except spending money!) and what can me further and were I can achieve results. I will also try not to work very late everyday; there are other things to do too. First I will try to get some time to download the photos from this holiday, here or at picasa or facebook, so others can see them too, maybe I will also try to write something about my holiday and my travels here on the blog… but that will have to be another day, now I really have to sleep to catch up for last night. Good night!

Blogging holiday

I had actually planned to do some serious blogging on my holiday. As I hadn't made much plans I thought I would have lot of time to think great thoughts to share with you on my blog. But the weather has simply been too nice, there has been a lot of sunbathing, swimming and spending time outdoors, so now blogging at all. And very little of great thoughts!

This first part of the holiday has been the more family oriented part and I am now moving into the more party and friends oriented part. Feels good!! Will see if that part will produce more blogging material... although maybe not so much great thoughts either...

Holiday planning excercise

I don’t really know what to say about it, but I noticed that I have to make to-do-lists also for my holiday. It is a bit weird and I would prefer just to take it very easy and relax and do nothing, but it just doesn’t work. There are just too many things that I have planned or promised to do. Most of them nice though, but still; it takes some planning and organisation. Like helping to look after my sister’s horse during her holiday, turning out to look after the whole stable.

At least I have started to get out of the coma I felt I was in the last two weeks in the office before my leave. Now I feel I have more energy and get things done and maybe doing things, but other things, nice things is my way of relaxing. Today I went horseback riding, helped my mother preparing for her birthday, made four cakes, went jogging and played some golf. And I actually spent a couple of hours on the beach, so I relaxed too. Unfortunately I now have a very sore back, I don’t know if it is the golf, the horseback riding or the combination, but it is not very good.

Holiday at last!!

Finally finally holiday!!!

I beleive I have never longed this much for holiday! Unfortunately my colleagues reminded me of that I will be back in office on Monday 11 and not 18 as I first wrote in my out of office reply, which makes me feel as if though I have lost a week, but never mind; it will be sooo nice.

I am starting out with a weekend with party and social activities in Malmö and Copenhagen. Nice!!! Right now on the train. Can't even be bothered that we have over one hours delay. Just a bit annoyed that I had to bring my computer because my usual time optimism that made me think I would finish more that I did before I left the office, but never mind that either. At least that gives me the opportunity to write this.. :-)

A real Golfer?!

Ha! Today I managed to get my green card!!

No, not for working and living in the States, that would not interest me. But for playing golf!!

Ok, I believe my teacher was quite benevolent and kind to me, but it still proves that I can do good things if I put my mind to it. And that even on a day when I was not feeling well!! Now I will just have to practise and play a bit more so I get official handicap. But this really spurs my competitive mind much more than I ever thougth it would. Amazing!!

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust..

Today I wanted to give one of my potted plants a bigger pot and some new soil but at the supermarket they were out of pot-plant-soil. On the way to the supermarket I took a walk over the cemetary next to where I live and in the woods outside the cemetary I saw that they had a big pile of black soil, among some other stuff for gardening. As I actually really dislike planting and such things, but now had set my mind on doing it I would not let myself be stopped by the supermarket running out of stock, so I just walked back the same way and filled the new pot with some of the soil from the heap in the woods.

I know this is perfecly normal soil, but on the way back I could not help thinking about that it comes from the cemetary and could theoretically contain "remains" of humans (as I suppose any soil could!) and in this case Small Town People. The thought was rather scary and I started imagining up the scenario for a scary movie about plants coming to live and attacking... (any one remembers the Triffids??)

Good thing I did not use the soil for the plants I keep indoors, but only for the one at the balcony...

The Unvolontary Golfer

It is strange, but maybe I am actually on my way to turn into a golfer. Not that I know how to play or not even that I have managed to get my green card yet, but I think it got me. I have always thought it is a bit of a nerd sport and never have been able to understand how you can spent hour after hour trying to hit a ball with a stick, but strangely I have spent quite some time at the course the last couple of days and want to go there as soon as I can again. Now this is a matter of little choice; if I want to have that green card and not having wasted the money I will have to practise and as I haven’t done any of that this far I have to really get started now.

I have in my personality a rather tiresome combination of both being very impatient and very stubborn and I always thought that maybe my impatience would be an obstacle to learning golf, but it seems that golfing brings out more of the stubbornness than the impatience. I really want to see that little ball fly the way I want it to and just will not accept that it should be so very difficult. And then we you hit a nice shot you get so excited and like the feeling so much you just have to make another try, you feel sure the next one is also going to get good. Of course it is not, then you have to give it another go again,….. and there you go! Another hour just passed!

Getting too Old

I have to admit I believe I am getting old and conservative. I don’t want to have to learn how to use new technical gadgets!!

A while ago I bought a new mobile phone. I don’t know really why, because my old one is still working, but it has been showing some signs of tear and wear and at times was not really reliable so I guess that is why. But still, the new phone has been lying in its box, unopened for months. I just could not be bothered to take it into use as I knew all the settings and information in my old mobile would not be automatically transferred. However, this weekend I stayed at home to get things done that I have postponed for a long time and then I thought I’d just better take care of the phone thing too. Sooner or later my old mobile will die and then saving the information might be too late. So this morning I got started. Only to give up after a short while and put the sim-card back into my old mobile again. I could not copy all the contacts on the sim-card as it was full, and I could not get the ring-tone I wanted and all my listings in the calendar and photos and sms and other information of cause would not be transferred, so I basically gave up.

One thing, that of cause would have helped, would have been to synchronise it via the computer. Only, yesterday I noticed that the cd-drive of my laptop is not working, so I could not install the software for the mobile, as well as I could not install the software for the new digital camera I bought in Dubai. Ahhh!! I hope this does not mean I will have to buy a new laptop too!

I don’t want to have new technical gadgets!! I liked my old camera and would have liked to have it repaired instead of buying a new one, and I like my laptop and my old mobile, but often it costs more to have things like that repaired than buying new. I don’t like it! I know this is a definite sign of me getting old, but still; I don’t like it.

Small Town Summer Joke

The last couple of weeks our expat life in The Small Town has really intensified. There has been some activity every evening, there has been beach-volleyball, horseback riding, kayaking, go-carting, bbq:s, cocktails-and-Sex-and-the-City-movie-night etc etc. ( I passed on that one. I do like the series and will see the film at some point, but it felt very wrong to see the film in The Small Town, it being sooo far from everything in the movie!) It is nice of course, but it is still a bit absurd. Especially as there are no other people out except us..

The Small Town tries to market itself as a summer town and in a way it is, thanks to the lake and the beaches etc. But on the other hand it has not really understood what it takes to be an attractive summer town. A couple of days ago a colleague and I wanted to go down to one of the places where we can hangout and wanted to have a bite and a beer. Just to find out that the kitchen is closed whole July!! “Welcome back in August!”

How can they just close the kitchen!! And this place is also a hotel!! What can they offer their hotel guest?! Micro heated pre-fab quiche and lasagne... Disgrace!!