Sceptical Net-shopper

ha ha, I just did something I never thought I would do! I bought make-up on internet!
I don't really know why I find that so funny, I do buy other things over the net, like books, music and tickets, but buying make-up over the net seems something teenagers or housewives in the province do, I mean I have access to all the fancy stores and even travel quite frequently hence can buy a lot on tax free.
But for some time now I have been looking for my favourite lipgloss from Clinique and everywhere they told me that this specific product and this specific colour is no longer available, that they simply stopped making it. As I really liked it I started looking for the similar colour by other brands, unsuccessful.
I had almost given up on it as I just thougt I might give it a try o search for it on the net. And voila!! There it was!! Not very cheap, but at least it existed. I was not familiar with the site as such and did not feel very comfortable giving all the personal details required and not at all giving my credit card number, but there were ways around that. So, now I will just have to wait and see if it lands in my post box. I am still a bit sceptical. Might be too good to be true... Let's wait and see...

As I don't have that much to write at the time I might at least post some pictures from my Normal life, from my home and my work.



My neighbourhood. You don't see my house though, it is just one block up from the quay. You can swim here.



The view from my office. Just opposite the royal castle!! The bridge looks a bit messy right now. I suppose they have to work hard on it to make it ready for the royal wedding next year.

Blog pause

I am sorry for not writing so much on the blog at the time. I just don't seem to havet the time.
New job takes a lot of time. Being in Stockholm and having a social life again takes the rest of my time. :-) And as long as the weather is ok, sitting at home in front of the computer is not the most temtping activity. Maybe next time there is a rain period...

My Cool Friend

One of the absolutely best things about Stockholm is that people pass by. Everyone living in Sweden or dealing with Sweden one way or the other, sooner or later comes to Stockholm. That means that by living here you get the chance to catch up with people every now and then. Today I met a good old friend that I haven’t seen in a long time. It was soo great!!
He was very important to me when I was a teenager. Then he was the coolest person I knew. In many ways he still is. I thing you might say he is as close to having a big brother as I ever get and today he said I am pretty much the younger sister he never had.
Before we met I wondered if I would still recognise him, but then I saw him on a long distance and there was no doubt. He still looks extremely cool and like no one else in the very posh area of Stockholm where we met. As I was coming straight from the office I did not feel very cool in my office outfit, but he was cool enough for both of us. After a while and a couple of beers and a whole lot of old memories later I almost started feeling cool too. It was so good to be reminded of that although I might now seem to be a boring bureaucrat I actually used to be cool once. We were talking about all the cool rock concerts that we went to, about when we saw The Sugarcubes at Brixton Academy in London or New Model Army on Gamle Port in Gothenburg (one of the guys in the band recently called on my friend and agreed on that that was one of their best gigs ever) etc etc…
We were talking about photography and movies and although I don’t do photo the way I used to and it was a long time I last went to the cinema, it was still good to have someone to talk about these things with. One of the reasons I don’t go to rock concerts anymore is that I don’t have anyone to go with. Anyway we agreed on that the most important thing is that one is still curious and that we both are.

One funny thing that happened was when a woman who had been sitting at the table next to us, together with two other women, came up to us just before they were leaving. She said that she thought we just looked so great, “the two of you are just sooo cool, you look great, your hair, your clothes, everything, you just got The Look.!! Are you from Stockholm??”. We were very surprised about this and had a great deal of fun about it afterwards, wondering if she had been serious or ironic. Maybe she thought us being the nerds of the place. And what was this question about if we were from Stockholm?! Did she actually mean what she said and thought maybe we were from London, New York or some other cool place?? Or was it obvious to her that we were from the province?! Anyway; we had a good laugh about it and a great evening!!

Disappointment at the gym

Today I was attending a spinning class at the gym, a class where you are connected to a pulse metre and can see your result on a screen at the front. I have a pulse metre and a pulse-watch of my own and use it sometimes, but have always had a feeling that there is something fishy about it. I haven’t measured my max-pulse only used the recommended estimate. According to the recommendations one should exercise at medium intensity of 70-80% of max-pulse most of the time and over that one can only work out very short periods. My problem is that I almost always exceed that limit. It is not at all unusual that I work out long periods on over 90%.

I have asked about this but never got a good explanation and therefore I of course came up with an explanation of my own, or rather two explanations. Either it must mean that I am extremely fit; or that my real age is actually at least ten years less that what’s written in my passport…

Today’s exercise showed the same result, i.e. I work out at a very high pulse level. Afterwards the leader of the class noted that some had of us had very high levels which could mean that the level was not correctly set. Maybe the max-pulse needed to be adjusted. Then she added that the level given is really only an estimate and that some people simply have a higher max-pulse and that this is genetically motivated, it doesn’t have anything to do with how fit you are or not. I am very disappointed…

Summer in Stockholm

Sometimes Stockholm is indeed an amazing city. Especially in summer. And I must say I really like the area where I live. It is not really in the city centre, but a very pleasant 20 minutes bicycle-ride takes me straight into the city where my work is.
50 metres from my flat you can swim in the lake or just sit at the bistro looking out over the water.
5 minutes away along my jogging path by the lake I could collect a boquet of lillies of the valley today.
And all over it all the hot-air balloons fly silently. It is great!

Potami beach

Had a wonderful holiday on Samos. One day I rented a car and travelled around the island and came to Potami beach. As it is still the beginning of the season the beach was almost empty. Lovely! Clear (and cooling) water in the hot sun. Wouldn't have minded staying longer.

Change - again

Today was kind of the last day at work, at least for a while. Ok, I am working tomorrow as well, but will spend the whole day out of office on a seminar. I will have to go back on Monday as well to finish some things but I do actually start my holiday on Monday and then June 1 I start my other job.
I am really looking forward to start my new work, but the funny thing is I have looked forward to it so much now, I haven’t really thought about that it also means changing colleagues again. It struck me just this Tuesday when we came back from a two days conference with our whole unit, i.e. both my old and current colleagues. After a month and a half at the new office I have started to get to know the colleagues there better and like them as well. But now I will have to change again. It is actually rather energy consuming. It is the third time I change colleagues (and work in a way) in six months. I really look forward to my holiday and the new job and hope I will be able to focus and give 100%. I am fed up with the limbo-situation I have been in for quite some time.

Holiday plans

After some back and forth on what to do on my holiday I finally booked a trip to Greece yesterday. So after planning for Jerusalem, Addis Abeba, Italy, Belgrade and Crete it finally was Samos. I don’t know anything about the place, but it looked nice. And since I am travelling on my own and don’t have either much time nor money there was not so much to choose between. But I think it will be fine. I have a small apartment on my own and I am looking forward to just lay on the beach or by the pool and read my books. I don’t really have much need for social stimuli or action. I think it will be just what I need before I start my new job. Just to delete and reset.

What's a bit funny however, is the fact that I; who until this year never had been on a charter-trip, am going on my second in matter of four months. Eventhough I was not so very impressed by the concept th first time. Ok, I am not really taking part in the social part of it, to me it is just an easy and cheep way to get somewhere on a short notice without having to thing too much. With good books ans good music on my ipod I think I will survive.

If anyone of you have been to Samos and have some good tips on the island, please let me know.

Luxury Problem

I have something of a luxury-problem. At the same time it is sort of tragic. I don’t know what to do on my holiday!
Because I am about to change jobs I have no real summer holiday, but have two weeks now at the end of May. I would like to go somewhere and really relax. The thing is only that none of my friends have holiday then, so I have no-one to travel with. Travelling alone is not a problem for me, I have done it quite a lot, but it is terribly boring to plan a week’s holiday on your own. Therefore I thought about go and visit someone of my friends living abroad. I had plans for Jerusalem and Addis Abeba, but that did not work out for different reasons. Left are still the options Italy and Belgrade. There are things happening in both places that would be nice to take part in. At the same time I would really like just to take a last minute trip to some Greek island or Spain or Egypt or something and just lay on the beach or by the pool and read my books.
I need to make plans and book soon, but I am just too tired to think and make any decision about it. The last week work has been very draining. It has been very intense and I have worked late every day. After work I have either worked out or had some social thing meaning I have come home very late every day and with the very slow internet connection I am just too tired to start looking for suitable tickets. Maybe I will just do it the old-fashioned way and contact a travel agency.

Getting used

Now I am happy and I realise I did the right thing when I decided to have an inauguration party of my new flat the very first day I had access to it. Of course it was very minimalist and simple, but it was most likely the very first party in this building ever. More important I realise that if I would have waited until the place as completely furnished and decorated before I would have a real house warming party, I would have to wait long.
I am getting used to the place only semi-finished. And seriously; I start to think cardboard boxes are badly underestimated as furniture and decoration details. I mean; what is wrong with having a cardboard box as a bedside table?! Especially as it is a combined storage for things like my riding helmet, sleeping bag and mosquito net!? And with a nice table cloth it can look really nice.
And why should I have to find a place to stuff all my winter coats and boots away as long as I can still enter the apartment even if I have to step over a heap of them just inside the door.

Well I guess I am getting used to it…

The Flu, The Media and The People

Today I got involved in the preparedness work for the possibly pandemic swine flu. This is completely new to me, but it is quite interesting to see how these things work. It is also quite interesting to see how the media work from this perspective.

Ok, it was a very long time since I trusted what media reported, not since I worked with migration matters. But still this is new! The whole day I sat in conferenses with the responsible authorities and in our situation room. Still I get to hear a completely different story in the evening news on tv. Although they were referring to the same authorities and the information basically the same, the angle was quite different and it gave quite a different picture. But of course; if they would have just said what the authorities said and only talked about the confirmed cases it would not have been that spectacular and sensational...

However, I might not be the most suitable person to work with these matters. I might just be "too cool", I am just not the worrying kind. What I worry most about right now is that I might have to work this weekend. Instead of having a real long weekend. :-(

But on the other had there are persons who just worry too much. One of my colleagies got a call today from a person who wanted to know where he could find the hoarding lists. It took my colleague quite some time to figure out what the person meant, bt obviously he thought there were lists on things one might need to hoard in case one would get isolated. It took her even longer time to explain that there are no such lists and there is no reason for such lists and there will be no such lists nor reason to get isolated etc etc...

Haväng

Had a lovely walk along the sea this morning in Haväng in south Sweden.

I need to find a way to get a house by the sea!! This is the way I want to live.

Spring in the City

Today was the first really warm and sunny day of spring this year. And as today was also the day of the month when most employees in Sweden get their pay, all bars and especially the ones with some kind of terrass or garden, were completely crowded. The whole city was enjoying itself in the sun.

I had made plans with a friend of mine to go for an after work drink. Later I was offered the opportunity to also join some colleagues for a drink, but as I had decided with my friend first I stood by that plan. While on the way to see her, another friend called as well as my sister and they both joined for a drink. I also got another offer to join another friend for a drink, that I had to reject.

I still can't believe my joy of having all those choises! It is such a difference from life in The Small Town, I can not believe it.

Too Old for the New Media??

I admit my technological ignorance; or as someone said today “I fully realise I am standing with all feet in the world of dying media”.

Even though I do occasionally blog and I am present on Facebook I am a rookie on social digital media. Therefore it is quite funny that I, who only had heard about something called twitter, but had no real idea what it is really about, in one day both attended a seminar and later followed a debate on TV about twitter (and other similar media). The seminar was called Facebook – in face of disaster and was about the roll these new media play and could play in disaster/crisis management. It was actually very interesting and opened the eyes on many, if not all of us, attending. I never thought about it as something professionally useful. Maybe that is the real sign of what generation one belongs to, not if you use it or not, but the matter of importance or meaning it has to you. For me, these things never seem really serious or trustworthy, it’s only for fun.

On the other hand; the lecturer showed some rather interesting statistics. According to those figures it is not mostly the young – teenagers- that use twitter. The largest group of users was the group 25-49. I don’t really know how to interpret that. Does it mean I am unusually old-fashioned even in my own age group?!

Disaster Management at the Office

As my job is connected to disaster/crisis management it seems logical that there is a disaster-film-club at the office. The films shown by the club should be disasters in double meaning, i.e. be about disaster and be disastrously bad, i.e. real turkeys. Today they showed Rymdinvasion i Lappland (Space invasion in Lappland) from 1959. The film is Swedish but the dialogue is in (bad) English as it is a Swedish-American production. However I am not surprised it did not make it in Hollywood. In fact I don’t think it made it anywhere. The film is disastrously bad and hilariously funny! If you like turkey-films. It made me think of Plan 9 from outer space. The story, in case you can call it a story is incredibly thin and there are plenty of long scenes of skiing on the mountain and some completely unmotivated scenes of skating and a lady in the shower. It is just funny and simply impossible to describe.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0053232
www.vujer.com/filmer/rymdinvasion_i_lappland_1958
www.russin.nu/filmview.php?filmid=1151

To add to the somewhat surreal atmosphere at our show the sound only worked the first three minutes on our copy. There was no way we could make it work, but since we had all gathered and started drinking some wine and as the film had subtitles we decided to watch it anyway. When we got tired of the silence one of my colleagues started adding music that he streamed from Spotify. I must say he did a terrific job. He started out with some Bond-music, which worked splendidly! We realised this must be the original Bond!! Then he changed into such different tunes as Thriller, Fly me to the moon and Det är så hälsosamt och stärkande i fjällen. It was a long time since I laughed that much. The comments from the audience also added some extra touch as we interpreted it all from a crisis management perspective with jokes that maybe only we could understand.

There was also a somewhat funny interlude to the show. The film club had promised some drinks and popcorn. I don’t know exactly what they did when they wanted to pop the popcorn, but all of a sudden the fire alarm went off and there was a terrible stench in our corridor. It seems they had burned the popcorn so badly all three microwave ovens were completely destroyed. As we very rapidly could establish the reason for the alarm and the smell we did not evacuate but continued working. Someone called back to SOS Alarm to inform them about the reason and say they did not have to send the fire brigade. But obviously it was too late or rather they had to come as it was an automatically generated alarm and we all had to evacuate. This was actually a bit embarrassing but also funny. Our office is really right in the centre of Stockholm and it is rather big so when all the people gathered in the street and then of course when the fire brigade came, it caused quite some attention. I can imagine people would find it quite amusing if they knew what happened and who caused it.

Hard Times in Fashion and Beauty

Today I went to the hairdresser to have a haircut and some new highlights. While waiting for the highlights go get ready I was reading an issue of Vogue. I hardly ever read this kind of magazines to it was a rather new and interesting experience. Are there really people who find it worth spending time and money on this kind of shit?! And are there really people living like those described there!? And I am not really thinking about the stars and starlets written about.

Most of it was of course “the usual” fashion and beauty tips, most of it for astronomical prices, but it was the articles that fascinated me most. There was among other one article on how to save on beauty in times of financial crisis. The article noted that some people cut down on cosmetical surgery and noted that at least some choose not to make the bigger operations but only lesser corrections. One woman could just not think of stopping having her botox, she only asked the surgeon not to tell her husband and paid in cash. One saved on manicure and let it go twice the time between the sessions, another went from going to the hairdresser every third week to have it done only every fifth week. Wow, just imagine what hard times these ladies must be going through!!

Spring Dilemma

I am feeling caught in a dilemma! With the arrival of spring and sun I feel full of energy and inspiration. I would like to go jogging again as I have now found a very nice 9 km round. I would like to get started going to the gym again, or find a golf club, or go for after work, or cinema or or or…. At the same time I have caught a cold again and feel completely exhausted and just want to drop dead on the sofa straight after work. That is very frustrating!

Simply Happy!

I haven’t been blogging for quite some time, simply because I haven’t had the time! Since I moved to Stockholm I have a life in the real world and less time to spend behind the computer after work. That is good!!
It is so great to have a life and have friends outside the office. I do miss my old colleagues but it feels great to catch up with my “normal friends”. Last week I worked four days and went for after work three days and had a wonderful social weekend. I really like my new apartment and my new neighbourhood. I love to ride my bike to and from work and I simply feel happy just to be here. It almost feels a bit ridiculous to walk around with a stupid smile on my face. I wonder when it will end. But not too much! Right now I just enjoy!

Closing the chapter The Small Town

I have promised that before I moved from The Small Town I would actually list some of the GOOD things about The Small Town. Now that did not really happen, because today I officially, definitely and irreversibly moved from The Small Town!!! I am closing that chapter of my life and it feels GOOD!!!

Anyway, as a way of closing the chapter The Small Town I will list some of the good things:

Good things in/about The Small Town:
• The art museum. Small, but very nice. Beautifully situated by the lake. Interesting and ambitious exhibitions. Nice café and shop.
• The golf club. Ok it’s the only one I have been a member of, but it seems nice
• The cat asylum. Lovely place where you are welcome just to cuddle a cat when you need to. Nice people taken care of stray/abused/”left-over” cats. Made a charming calendar and write ads for the cats that makes your hart melt
• That you can by my favourite ice-cream; Klings

Logistical Mess

I could never imagine the trouble the badly timed car-crash caused. I will not go into details here, they are far too many and too complicated, but since the car is now in the workshop I am without a car. As I have lived most of my adult life without a car I did not think that would be a problem, but then of course I didn’t live in The Small Town and worked 45 km away. There are trains and busses so I didn’t think it would be a problem, but then again, of course I didn’t know this would coincide with my move to Stockholm. And of course the repairs are taking longer than they first said, meaning I am without car this weekend as well. After having spent loads of time on the phone with the insurance company and almost all car rentals in the region I managed to get a car for this week and a small truck for the move this weekend. But I assure you it is no easy thing! What makes it more complicated is that there is no car rental in The Small Town that has normal cars, but only trucks and trailers. So now I have rented a car in The Somewhat Bigger Town and for Sunday a truck in The Small Town, the transportation in-between is not really solved yet, but I felt quite happy with the solution anyway. Then tonight I realised I will have a problem to pick my own car up from the workshop next week. The workshop is in The Small Town and is open 7-16, but next week I am duty-officer which means I have to be in the office 45 km away between 8-18. Of course I could then pick the car up at 7 before I go to work, but as I can not be without a car in case anything would happen at work I will have the duty-car, which means I will then have two cars!!
So either one car too few or one too many, or in the wrong place!!!
Oh I get so tired!!

My NEW Home

So, finally I got access to my NEW Stockholm apartment!! Got the key on Friday at lunch time and the same evening I had the inauguration with some friends over for champagne. I really believe that was the first party EVER in that building. That’s a cool feeling!
Some of my new neighbours obviously found it more important to get their furniture and stuff in place fist, but my priorities are friends and champagne over furniture. The furniture and other things will come next weekend.

I must say I am very happy with my NEW place. The last nights before I came here I had nightmares about it not being what I expected. But it is actually very nice. It is not, but well planned and at least the balcony was much bigger than I expected. There might be little too little wardrobes and cupboards for my clothes and shoes, but I will solve that somehow. And most of all it is NEW!! It even smells new! There are no smells from previous tenants. What ever I do here I am the first person to do it. When I was taking a bath I was looking at the tiles at the wall thinking that every one of them is new. None of them have any stains from water or soap. When I was emptying the bathtub I just happened to look down the outflow and noticed that the drain was absolutely WHITE. Not a stain, no old remains from soap and hair. Amazing!!

With this there is of course also a risk that one gets a bit neurotic and start thinking this is the way it has to remain and that one could get some kind of cleaning mania, as every stain and crack from here on is because of me. Not that I can really see myself having a cleaning mania, but nevertheless I thought it was safest to do what I can to prevent that and the inauguration party could be seen as serving that purpose. With eleven adults, one baby and seven bottles of champagne there can always be someone else to blame. 

March 8

Well, I just felt I had to write something about women and feminism today; the 8 March, International Women’s day. I can not say I have done anything to celebrate it or taken any political action to improve women’s situation today. Not that I use to either, but today I felt rather miserable because of a cold that I caught more than a wee ago and that is not getting any better and on top of that the weather is also absolutely miserable so I stayed inside the whole day and spent quite some time in bed or on the couch reading.

Very suitable however, the book that I am reading is dealing a lot with feminism and related issues and a big part of the book relates to manifestations held or planned to be held in Belgrade on March 8, 2008. The book is written by a friend of mine, who I met when I was living in Belgrade in 2005, but as the book is written later I don’t know the people she is writing about nor was I there when the things took place. However it is very interesting to read. I know the places she writes about and I feel I would have liked to get to know the people. The book shows the situation for feminists, gay and queer activists in a rather traditional, patriarchal society during times of strong nationalistic influence. I am impressed by the energy and the commitment of these persons and also of their sense for enjoying life. I wonder what I would have been like if I had been living as they did in Serbia during the 90.s.

Reading the book also got me thinking about what it means to be different and about group identity. This is anyway one of my favourite topics and something I have been discussing a lot recently with a gay friend of mine. Since I moved to The Small Town I have felt very very different from my surrounding. I can describe it like being a non-fitting part of a puzzle. The colour looks the same so you might think you fit, but every time you try to fit in you realise that there is no way you ever will and for every time you try your own shape threatens to get misshaped and it hurts. It feels like running head first in to a wall, time after time. My friend had the same feeling; he explained it like being among people who speak your language yet you don’t understand what they say and they don’t understand you. I think he had the feeling much of this was because he is gay and that might not be so easy in any small town. But I claim that is not the full explanation. I am as “normal” as you can be in this place, white, Swedish, heterosexual, not physically handicapped and even born in a small place in Sweden. So there is actually no “obvious reason” why I should not fit in here, and still it is absolutely not possible…

It is all a state of mind. How you feel about who you are and what you are. I find it very interesting to think about how important it is to us humans to fit in and to find some kind of belonging, no matter how different we think we are. Sometimes I think this is even more obvious in small towns. Inevitably you will find in every small town a group of people who think they are very different. The thing is only that they, among themselves all look the same. There are those clusters of “different” people. They might think they differ from the rest, but in the group they are all rather similar. They might dress the same way, eat the same kind of food, listen to the same kind of music, and vote for the same party etc etc. Hence they are rather predictable.

I don’t know a lot about queer-theory, but I find it very interesting and appealing. However also within the queer groups there is certain conformity. You have to be queer the “right” way. This was something that (again) struck me reading the book. There was a chapter about the joy and disappointment among the queer/gay/feminist community in Serbia after Marija Serifovic won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2007. The community hoped that this victory might be a positive force for their cause, her being lesbian and not representing the standard Serbian female ideal. Therefore the disappointment was big when she didn’t seem to want to play that part, but instead even performed at an election campaign for the radical party. I can understand the disappointment that anyone, no matter who, is campaigning for the Serbian radical party, but still I can not help to think that this is really queer. Here’s a Serbian, lesbian, of roma ethnicity, who just won the Eurovision Song Contest and not with some turbo-folk song, and who does not look like a traditional Serbian female star, but still supports the radicals. I want to once more stress that I don’t share or even understand her political choice and I can understand those who would have liked her to take another stand, but still I think this is queer. Isn’t it?! It is very unexpected and unpredictable. And isn’t that a lot what queer is about?! And what feminism is about?! The right to be who you are and make your own choices free from pre-set patterns and expectations?!

I believe it is, and one of the queerest persons I have ever met was a white, straight German guy who would not stand out in a crowd by his looks. He was (and I guess still is) a vegetarian and strong supporter of the German green party, which fits nicely together, but at the same time he was also an almost fanatic football fan and devoted fan of country music. To me that is a very unexpected combination and therefore queer.

So; cheers to all you wonderful unique individuals out there! No matter who or what you are I hope you will have the right to continue to be who and what you are and please, be kind to and respect each other.

Love

Feeding the Monster

I must be a bit mad or something. Or at least I definitely seem to have a small monster living in my head. Just as things seem to sort out nicely and get in place, I mean work wise and house wise, I start thinking about how nice it would be to work abroad again. The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about where I would like to go and for how long. I definitely suffer from what in Swedish might be called “någonannanstanslängtan”, the constant longing to be somewhere else. I would really prefer to have a contract over one year, maybe two or three would be ideal. I am not so much into the three to six months contracts that could have been an alternative. I really would like so stay a bit longer in a country, to really get to know some of it, learn about the history, the people, politics and culture in a more in-depth way.

But what do I do then when this monster start calling me to get moving again? Do I tell it to shut up or tell it to crawl away back into some forgotten corner of my mind? No of course not. As the kind and generous host I am to this monster, I feed it. I pick up contact with my friends who live and work abroad and take pleasure in hearing about their life. I read about countries where I have been living and keep reminding myself of what fun I had there and then. I look at the pictures and start thinking about where I would like to go and looking for interesting jobs to apply for. At the same time as I feel so relived not having to constantly look for other jobs and thinking about where to go next, that is what I constantly do. Today I found a job that I would really love and that I have more or less been waiting for, in a country where I would really like to work. But I won’t apply for it!! I will have to stop my self from applying for it. I really have things going for me now and should not make it harder for me.

Stupid monster!! Why can I not just be happy and satisfied being in one place? Other people seem to be.I suppose I will have to make some kind of deal with the monster, as I know it will most probably not just go away. I really plan to stay in Stockholm all of 2009 and I think I would also like to stay at least for the first half of 2010. If I try to get to travel a bit during my holidays and if I continue to feed the monster small portions I hope it will stay reasonably calm and docile.

Hallelujah!!

On the (long and boring) way back from work today I suddenly came to the wonderful insight that this weekend is the last I spend in The Small Town!!!! Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!
Can hardly beleive it is true!!

Out of Synch

Not that this is any news, but recently I have again seen the confirmation of me being so out of synch with the rest of the world. Just to take a small example:
Last week our crown-princess announced that she and her long time boyfriend now will get married. Of course the media was all head over heels over that and there were lot of comments on what this might mean to society in general and the monarchy in particular. The general opinion was that this would mean a wave of good-will and a strengthened position for the royal family and the monarchy and that the republicans (albeit already rather weak in Sweden) will have some though years ahead.

I am by now means a republican although I would not really call myself a monarchist either. I just think as long as the royal family themselves put up with the situation and as long as they don’t make too much of an embarrassment of themselves they can stay and I do prefer them to a politically elected president. (I can go into the reasons for that at some other time). However, the interview where the happy couple announced their engagement made me actually feel more like a republican and less in support for the monarchy. It felt so awkward and archaic. Especially the way the boyfriend had to call his wife-to-be “the crown-princess”. Maybe it felt more awkward and unnatural just because they, as persons, seem to be so very normal and un-royal. Anyway; I noted that my reaction seemed to be absolutely the opposite from the rest of the country. Even though I might not stretch it as far as one of my colleagues who called me “hard, cold and peculiar” because I did not cry at the announcement.

Another example, that might be more significant for my life not being in synch with the rest of the world, concerns the financial situation. I must say that I have personally not noticed the financial crisis at all. Maybe because I don’t really have a financial situation at all, I don’t have any assets or debts, I still have a job and money comes in the 25.th every month and is gone at the end of the next month, nothing new about that. Our minister for employment got famous for predicting year 2009 to become a “shit-year”. Well, from what I know now, my 2009 looks pretty promising.

Growing up..

Somehow I felt that the fact that I, for the first time (ever?!), will have a good job on a permanent contract, as well as an apartment of my own in a place where I actually can see myself living, maybe meant that I was about to grow up and maybe become an adult. But when I see the list in the previous post I am no longer so sure…

Technical Adivce Wanted

Right now I feel the need to modernise the technical standard of my home (life!?). Partly because I will be moving into my new apartment and partly because some things I don’t have or the old stuff I have is not working very well any more, but to no extent whatsoever because I am interested in new technical stuff!! Therefore I really would appreciate if anyone out there hade some good suggestions and tips on what to buy or what to think about when buying:
• Dishwasher
• Camera
• TV
• Vacuum cleaner
• Lap top or at least upgrading the old one

While at it I could also appreciate some good advice on insurances and how and where to keep your savings at times like these…

News??

On the news I just heard about a result from a big research project on diets and weight loss. It is apparently the most extensive research project ever made on the matter. Very surprisingly (?) the conclusion of the project was that no diets work, either low-carb, Atkin’s, GI or any other of all the numerous available diets. The only thing that works if you want to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more. Who’s surprised?! That’s what I have always said; it is all a matter of input and output, plus and minus. Why would it be any other way?!

Praise to the People!

Just happened to get stuck in front of the TV broadcasting the Academy Awards. I normally don’t care that much for it and normally don’t watch the show. I do like film but the circus around it is not so much my thing. Nevertheless I got a bit moved by some of the speeches. Not so much the somewhat over emotional thank-speeches, but more so the motivations for the nominations. I found it great to great actors making speeches about how great the other actors are. I believe we all would need some more speeches where we get to hear what wonderful persons, colleagues, professionals, men and women we are…
Ok, you might get to hear some of that when getting married, retire or at your funeral, but wouldn’t it be nice to get to really hear get to it!? So; make more speeches to honour the people that mean something to you!!

New Office

I must say I am not looking forward to become a commuter. From tomorrow I will be working 45 km from where I am living. There are bus and train connections but not very good ones. We are still a few living in The Small Town so for a start we can travel together by car, but of course it is a bit in convenient that exactly now when I really need the car for the first time, it is not working very well… and anyway it means lost of time and having to get up earlier in the morning. So not my thing!

I don’t really look forward to unpacking and getting used to a new office again, and only for a couple of weeks, either. Buy I guess I will have to think about it not being for very long. I am counting the days.

The First of Last Days

Because things have been a bit crazy lately I hardly noticed something that is quite amazing when you think about it. Yesterday I worked the last day in The Small Town!!
The office is moving to The Somewhat Bigger Town this weekend and from Monday that is where I will be working. Ok I will still live in The Small Town for a while, so that is maybe one reason why it did not feel that overwhelming, but it is only a matter of a month or so, then I will be in Stockholm and I will be having a life again!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel!
And it is not the train coming...

A Crazy Day

There have been some crazy days. A lot has happened, most of it actually quite good. I will tell more about it. But yesterday I got a proof of that you are never allowed be completely happy. After a very good day I felt exuberant and to celebrate things I asked some colleagues over for dinner and wine. Before that I went down to town to buy some sparkling and food stuff.

In The Small Town there are a few rather awkward crossings, but after living here for a while you know them pretty well and know what rules here are. Just before where I wanted to park there is a four-way-stop, very unusual in Sweden. I stopped and as it was rather late there were no cars so I drove again. When in the middle of the crossing a car is coming from the right and does not stop at all but just crashes in to the front of my car. As none of us were driving very fast the crash was not that bad, but of course you get a bit upset. I got angry because I knew I had done no wrong and it was entirely his fault. The other driver also got upset at first as he thought he was right while coming from the right. But when I told him to go back and have a look at the sign he changed his mind realising it was his fault. We solved the situation amicable and none was really that angry any longer, although not very happy either of course. His car was actually worse damaged and then of course he will bear all the costs. But most important of course, there were no personal injuries.

Today I called the other driver to discuss how to proceed with the matter. It was actually a rather nice conversation. I was a bit worried that he might have changed his mind about who caused the accident, but that was no issue. He just said he was very angry with himself as he was the sole cause of the accident. He also said that after all, he was happy that if something like this must happen, he was glad it was with someone as nice as me! And that he was impressed that I didn’t get angry with him, as he would have freaked out completely if it happened to him. I told him that it was most likely because I had had a good day up till then and that helped…

Skiing

Today I actually took advantage of living in the middle of nowhere. Both today and yesterday were fabulously beautiful winter days, with white glistening snow, blue sky and sunshine. Therefor I went for a spontanous skiing trip on my own. Just a short drive and three hours skiing in the afternoon. Not bad!! Good for the first skiing of the season.
While skiing though, I remembered that the last time I was skiing was not last winter, but this summer. Indoors. In Dubai. Weird!

Stuck in a Pattern

Sometimes it is easy to get stuck in behavioural patterns. I believe most people have at some time or another felt that you are doing the same mistakes over and over again. This is no less true for relations. I have spoken to many friends about to what extent failed relations is the result of a pattern of action or pattern of how you choose your partner. But it is one thing to have a vague perception of that you might have a pattern that might not be very helpful for you. Because I mean, if you do what you always have done, you get what you always get. Then there is not much opening for a change. But becoming aware of exactly what your pattern consists of and how to change it is a completely different thing.

Therefore it was kind of satisfying or maybe at least amusing when a friend of mine told me some gossip about a former boyfriend of mine today. Talking about being stuck in a pattern!! She told me that he had recently broken up with the girl he met quite soon after we split. And not long after this break-up, or maybe even before, she wasn’t sure; he got together with another girl. The whole break-up and the whole story about the new girlfriend showed all the signs of a very familiar pattern. I can’t help wondering if they are going to Italy this spring…

Stuck

I am stuck in The Small Town this weekend, totally against my will, because I am duty officer this weekend. It really feels like being electronically tagged. After some insistence I managed to get some clear information on how far away from the office I am allowed to go. I found out that in case something would happen that can not be solved over the phone and mobile internet I have to be in the office in less than 90 minutes. I realised that is enough to be able to join my sister and her family to the closest skiing area tomorrow. Great!! I could get out and get some fresh air, sun, skiing and social stimuli. It suddenly all felt quite ok again. Therefore I got quite disappointed when my sister called tonight and told me they had some problems with their car and didn’t feel really comfortable to go for a longer drive before they had the chance to check it up. So skiing is off. And I am stuck in The Small Town again. :-(

Seeing the Light

I am finally seeing it again. The light that slowly started to glimmer at the end of the tunnel during autumn, but then rapidly faded in December and during the beginning of this year has been alarmingly absent. The light; meaning moving away from The Small Town.
Yesterday I received the information that I will receive the key and be able to move into my new apartment in Stockholm in exactly one month!! And yesterday, as well as today my boss confirmed that I will be transferred to Stockholm some time during March, although the exact date is yet not fixed. So, slowly I am returning to life.

The job might still not be what I want to do, and I am afraid t won’t get better in Sthlm, but I will be there!! I will be able to have a normal life outside work!! That’s a good start!!

Homesick

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my new apartment. It is not so long before I really can move in and what once seemed very distant and unreal is actually happening. Now the job-thing actually seems to work out as well, so things are quite good. Still I can’t help worry a little as well.

I think, dream and long for my new flat basically every day. I think about how to place the furniture, about finally hanging pictures on the walls, about really getting things that I like. Longing for my new bathtub, dreaming about getting a dishwasher etc etc. Not to mention the fact that I will be able to live somewhere where I can have a normal life, where I can meet my friends and go out with them and still get back to my own place, not having to sleep over on someone’s mattress or sofa. I will also be able to get active in some organisation or take a evening course or something like that because I know I might actually be around for a while, not constantly on the move. For the first time in a long time (maybe really the first time) I am moving to something instead of moving away from something.

At the same time all these expectations make me feel a bit afraid that I might get disappointed. I still haven’t seen the apartment and what if I don’t like it when I see it! What if it is dark, if I find it tiny and ugly?! What if it has paper walls and the neighbours are loud?! Well, somehow I believe it can not be wrong and it can not be bad, but all the expectation open up for disappointment.

Madonna in Gothenburg

I am happy to hear Madonna is playing in Sweden this summer. On August 9 on Ullevi, Gothenburg. I would really love to go there, but I doubt I will find anyone of my friends who want to join me. :-(

If I am wrong, please let me know asap. Tickets will be released February 9.

Disturbing Silence

Yesterday night I had real difficulties to fall asleep, which is rather unusual. I could not really figure out why, because there was nothig really disturbing me. Then I realised exaclty that was the problem. It was too silent! It was completely silent, not one single sound.

Now you might say it is good that it is silent when you should sleep, but this is really too silent. When people say the enjoy silence they often refer to being somewhere in the wild, far away from civilization, but that is not entirely silent. There you might have birds, wind and water running, but this place is completely silent. That is really scary. It makes you wonder if you are already dead.

This is nothing new, it has always been that way, but after one week of the wonderful sound of the waves of the ocean, the wind and crickets zirping outside your bedroom I found this silence very hard to stand. I even prefer the distand buzz of city traffic. Can't wait to move away from here!!

Readings of the Hand

On Cape Verde I met this Senegalese man who said he could read your future from the palm of your hand. I am a natural sceptic and don’t believe much in these things, but still I let him have a short glimpse of my left hand and then he said that he saw things that he could only tell me in private. As I just saw this as a very cheap pick-up-trick, I did not care much about it. My friend however, believes much more in this kind of things and she kept reminding him about it and just before we left the island, we passed by his store and then he told me. He told me a lot of things that I won’t write about here, but one thing he said, that came to my mind again when I wrote the previous post, was that he told me to have more contact to my family. He told me to call my mother or my sisters every day. I answered laughing that my mother would probably get seriously worried if I started calling her every day, but considering what I learnt today, maybe I actually should call a little more often.

The No-Information War

It seems my mother and I are having some kind of information war, or rather a no-information war. Today when I called to let her know I am back from Cape Verde I learnt from my father that my mother is in Finland. I had no idea she was going there!! He also told me she is coming back on Tuesday as she is having an operation I never had heard of on Wednesday. He also told me about some other medical issues I did not know about.

Normally my mother and I do speak rather frequently, but I know that she has had some complaints about me not calling often enough. Normally when she thinks I haven’t called in a long time she calls me, but lately I have noticed that she doesn’t. I guess that is where the war started. “I won’t call you if you don’t call me!”

Maybe this is the revenge for me forgetting to tell her that I was going to Afghanistan in June and only remembered to call when I was already on my way to the airport. I know that was probably not so good and most mothers would probably have freaked out! This new year it happened again, albeit less dramatic. I forgot to tell her that I was going to Frankfurt and she only found out when she called on New Years Eve to wish me happy New Year. On the other hand; we are obviously quite alike and it is probably from her that I have this way, so what can she say!?

Back from Cape Verde

So, now I am back from Cape Verde. We got back early Friday morning and it already feels unreal to have been there and now being back in the cold, rain, snow and darkness of The Small Town...
It wasn't very hot on Cape Verde and very, very windy, but at least we got some sun, sea, light and warmth. It was a very nice trip and I will write more about it on the travel blog. Pictures will have to wait though, as we got robbed and my camera got stolen :-(. But my friend still had her camer and once she has sent me some pictures I will post some.

Unbelievable...

Can't believe I did it, but I was out jogging with two colleagues this morning. At six o clock, in three degrees, rain, darkness and hard wind. But it feels good afterwards...

Work Worries

After the two first weeks at the new job I am feeling more and more worried. This far I have had absolutely nothing to do and I have no idea what to to. Fortunately I will only work two more days before my holiday, if not I would have gone mad. Ok, if not I would probably make more of an effort to find something to do, but now I wait till after my holiday. What worries me more however, is that everything I learn about the new job gives me the feeling "this is not what I want to do!!" The new job does not interest me at all and I can not see what I could bring to it and how my knowing and experience could be valuable. That makes me really worried. The only reason for me ever to be here was that I had an interesting job, if not it will be absolutely unbearable. I need to get away from here!! Please!! I hope something good will happen soon!!

Coming Soon!!

Oh!!! I am sooo looking forward to my holiday next week!! Or actually, it is beginning already on Thursday. I am going to Cape Verde with a friend of mine and it will be soooo nice!!
I want some sun and beach and just relax properly. The weather outside my window right now is just terribly, wet, windy and cold ant it is still pretty dark, at 9.45 in the morning!! And work is boring and very unstimulating at the moment, so I just can't wait to get away!!

Don't know very much about Cape Verde though, so if anyone of you has been there, please feel free to share some tips and suggestions. I was getting in the mood yesterday by listening to Césaria Évora. Very nice!!

Small Town Pictures. Nice Ones

Earlier I promised to post some nice pictures from The Small Town as well, but then something happened that made me change my mind... but here they are. Some pictures from a sunny winter day. Idyllic, isn't it!?

My Christmas Tree

Just wanted to show that I did have some Christmas decoration after all!!

What's new?

So, new year and a new job. Well the new job doesn’t really feel very new yet. I sit in the same office and have some new colleagues, but I have been working with them before, albeit not so closely. I have a new boss and will have completely new work assignments but this far I have hardly met my boss and I really don’t know what I am expected to do. The biggest difference was our new network platform and new e-mail and of course it did not work very well the first day everyone was in office, will see how long it takes. It is quite challenging and energy consuming to reorganise this frequently, but that seems the standard story of public administration.

Apart from this, nothing much has happened. Hence the blog silence. Caught a nasty cold the day before Christmas and spent most of the holiday to recover from that. Managed to get to Frankfurt over New Year though, and that was really nice. I will post some nice Frankfurt photos soon, most probably on the Travel blog.

Something that might be new is my early morning jogging. It was easy to get up and go walking or jogging before breakfast during holiday, when I did not get up until 10 or 11. But can you imagine that this morning I got up at 6 and went out jogging!! But alright, once doesn’t make it a habit, does it?!

More Flexible Holidays Please!!

Quite recently I read about some multi religious country, it might have been Bosnia, where students in schools and employees can choose a certain number of days off from school or work, due to religious celebrations. I think that is a great idea for any modern society. We need more flexible holidays. Not only because of different religions, but maybe also due to how much value you put on different holidays and different traditions.

I must say that I find Christmas a terrible waste of days off from work. I don’t mind having days off from work, don’t get me wrong, but I would prefer to place them at a time of my choice, not in the middle of winter when travels to the sun is double the price as the weeks before and after. I actually offered to work these days, but at my normal job there is really nothing to do these days.

I would have preferred to have more days off at around midsummer or Easter or any other time of the year. I have promised myself this must be the last time I spend Christmas like this, but on the other side I think I said that last year too. I wonder how much in advance it is possible to book a trip for next December…

Merry Whatever

Christmas is indeed a weird holiday. Not for why it is celebrated, although that is weird enough, but for what it does to people. Normally I would say I kind of like the concept of the celebrations, I mean I do enjoy seeing my family and spend time with them and as December in Sweden is cold and dark it is nice to make it cosy at home and light candles etc, but sometimes it just gets too much. This year definitely so. I really just would have liked to stay at home, sleeping a lot and reading my books. But somehow that is not socially acceptable only because it is a certain day of the year!! Weird!!! So many people have told me “no, you can not be home alone on Christmas! You must not!” I don’t get it at all! Why not now if I want to?! It is never a problem any other time. Of course it is sad for people who would like to celebrate with someone, but don’t have anyone and therefore are alone. I do have people to celebrate with, but why can I not choose to be on my own?! None of these people would be on their own, involuntarily, if I would not be with them so that is not a reason.

Well well, now I have decided to go home to the family anyhow and I guess it will be ok, that is, it will be as every year. And quite unsurprisingly I have caught a cold just in time, but nevertheless I wish you all a very merry what ever you are doing…

A Good Day

Today was a rather good day. Not only because I had taken the day off, but just generally good. Before lunch I had already had two saffron-buns, coffee with a good friend, two gorgeous twin babies smiling at me, played with a cute dog, a hair cut and being called “principessa” by an Italian street vendor. Not bad! That would never happen in The Small Town! After that I had lunch with another good friend, a meeting that felt quite ok as well as some time for shopping before getting on the train back in time for boxing.

On the train back there was even a man sitting opposite me who said I was very beautiful and the kind of woman every man wants. Unfortunately the man was a completely stoned professional alcoholic, probably also on other drugs and a criminal, very likely on the run from one of the major prisons, wearing two pairs of jeans and two coats, all smelly and he was taken off the train by the police two stations later…. If that is the kind of men that fall for me, no wonder I am single… and maybe I should be happy.

Anti-Climax and a Dilemma

I am still in chock or at least somewhat confused. Today was the day when all of us working in the office on a time limited contract would get to know if we would have a job in january or not. I felt very sure I would not and was prepared for that. Ok, I admit I was not happy about the possibility to be the only one not getting anything and see all the colleagues get new jobs, but still I was prepared for it.

I did not really realise how prepared I was for it until everything changed. I was offered a job. Albeit a job I applied for, but not my first hand choice and I only applied for it as I assumed it would be in Stockholm. Now the job I was offered is in The Next Somewhat Bigger Town!! That basically made my whole world tumble down!!

I might be stupid, maybe mad and for sure a bit crazy, but still I realise I can not turn down an offer of a permanent job in times of financial crises and recession. And I know I should be happy as many of my colleagues did not get a job at all. And this position might develope into something rather interesting and this position is also exists in the Stockholm office and my new boss knows I would prefer to work there and there might be a chance to be transfered in the future and and and.... Yes!! I know I should be happy and grateful, but still I had to go into the restroom and cry several times during the day and I felt like throwing up at times. I was so disappointed!! The only thing that has kept me going for the last couple of months was the prospect of getting out of here. What ever happened I would not be here anymore. Now I am stuck!

Not only stuck! I have to make decisions on where to live. Should I move to The Next Somewhat Bigger Town altough I don't want to live there either and have no plans to stay there very long?? Should I stay here and commute and hope to be transfered to Sthlm as soon as possibel?! But still, it is 45 km to TNSBT, one way, with poor public transport and this job also has on-duty service. I don't know!! And I really don't feel like moving one single time more than neccessary.

I really was so prepared for not getting a job and getting ready to leave and move away from here. I had even started to plan my dinners and my eating so I would not have to buy more food but finish as much as possible of what I already have! And now, here I am!!

Back again

Back in The Small Town again. It is amazing, but it only took two weeks away from here for me to almost forget my home address! Yesterday when I took a taxi back from the station and the driver asked me whereto had to think for quite some time! On the other hand I was at that time so tired I could hardly remember my name. The course I have attended was really good. Now I know much more about disaster management, who knows, maybe I now even know much enough to get my own life in order! :-)
The best thing about the course maybe still was the participants. A very nice group of people from a whole range of countries and different fields and backgrounds. Very nice! I do hope at least some of us will manage to stay in touch. At least maybe on Facebook!

Being in An Enven Smaller Place, where there is nothing at all to do except working on the course and being with the participants meant I got quite some sleep in the beginning of the course, went to bed early and slept well. But as the course proceeded and we all got to know each other better there were more things going on in the evenings. Before the grand finale, the closing dinner, I was already sleep deprived and slightly hung over, the day after I was nearly dead. The course finished on Friday and then I went to Stockholm to spend the weekend there with friends, but yesterday I was so tired I just could take no more and voluntarly left to go back to The Small Town earlier than I had to, just to get some proper sleep. Unbeliveably!!

In An Even Smaller Place

Belive it or not, but I will be spending the rest of this week and the next in a place even smaller than The Small Town, significantly smaller, but I am looking forward to it!!
I am taking part in a training and really look forward to totally focus on one thing for such a long time and in the evenings there will be nothing else to do than to work a little, exercise and then sleep and relax. Lovely! Ok, you might ask; what is the difference to life in The Small Town? The difference is that that is supposed to be a life, this is only for ten days and that is it!!

It is also very nice to be out of the office at the moment as there is not a very pleasant atmosphere there right now. I only whished I had had the time to send a couple of applications before I came here, then I could have tried to think of something else for a change.

An All Time Low

Tonight I had another incredible bad experience with the local “hospitality-business”. I had suggested to my colleagues who live here in The Small Town that we should meet at one of the restaurant/bars here for an after work beer. I arrived first together with a colleague. We took seats in front of the fireplace (the whole place was basically empty) wanted to eat and ordered at the bar. The waitress then asked us if it was only the two of us or if there would be more. We said there would probably be more people coming, but that we did not know whether they would eat or not. Then she told us we could not sit where we had taken seats if we wanted to eat, but had to move over to the “restaurant part”. We asked why, as we have been eating there before, but the only answer we got was that it was a new rule and we could not. To get the picture the place is divided into two parts, one more lounge-style pub part with sofas and a fire place and on the other side a more formal restaurant part. This part is rather dull if you are not really having a formal dinner with a lot of people. Tonight the whole place, both parts, was more or less empty. It was the two of us, two Russians and one other person.

The menu is rather expensive (especially if you consider the quality you can expect) and the only thing you really can order is hamburger from the “pub-menu”. We have always been sitting in the pub part even if we have ordered food, which of course is nicer if you are a group if people were some are eating but some only drinking. But now all of a sudden that was not possible any longer. We asked politely if we really could not sit there as it still was just the two of us and said we would really prefer to sit there. But no! With no further explanation. And remember, the place is basically empty. Anyway we sat down in front of the fireplace and drank our beer while waiting for the food. Somehow I think we thought it would still be ok to eat there once the food as ready and then we would also know if more people would like to eat.

In a corner there was a big screen TV showing ice-hockey (no special game, not even the local heroes) but the TV was on mute. Until all of a sudden the waitress turns up the volume very high, so high, talking was no longer easy. My colleague and I were sitting with our backs towards the screen and the Russians did not look too interested either, the other guest seemed to watch absently. Anyway, before I asked the waitress to turn the volume down, I asked if she had turned up on request and she said she did. I still felt it was a little too much, but never mind. If the guy wanted to follow the game; ok. After a while two other colleagues turn up and the service does not get any better and the attitude from the waitress is not very nice nor service minded. But we try to mind ourselves. After a while she comes and tells of our food is ready and expect us to move over to the restaurant. Again we ask if we can not remain where we are and eat our food there. But no!! It is not possible. When we ask why not, we only get a very irritated answer that they have decided that food is to be served on one side and not the other!! Still remember the place is basically empty. We are the only eating guests. We still remain in our chairs. Somehow the whole atmosphere is gone as well as the appetite. If it was not for the fact that we had already paid for the food I think we would have left. After some time again the waitress just stands at our table with our plates, looking as if she would throw them at us. Ok, better move and eat the food.

I don’t really remember all the little details anymore, but there were all those little things all the time. The colleague who arrived last had not ordered yet but he got the picture and said that he would have liked to eat, but that the way they treat their customers made him lose appetite and only asked for a glass of wine. In the restaurant they also had a big screen TV showing the hockey very loudly. We asked the waitress, still politely, if she could turn the volume down in this part and she said yes. But nothing happened. After a while we asked again, but still nothing happened. After yet a while I see that the only man watching the game had left, then I said that I don’t really think there is anyone interested anymore and asked her if she could switch off. Then she gives us a very weird answer that she can not, she has to have some sound on. When we remarked that there was no sound on when we arrived she said that then she had played music and that it was part of her work to have some sound on at all times. Ok, that is fine, please put on some music then, was our answer, which is much better than ice hockey. The she turns the TV off, but we get no music. So the rest of our dinner we sit all on our own in this very un-charming restaurant in silence. I tell you, it feels very empty.

Ok, the burger was good, but the atmosphere was completely gone as well as all potential fun. As soon as we finished the food we decided to pay and leave for some other place and tell the others who were coming that we left and why! I was planning to tell the waitress that this was not meant personally against her, but that she could forward our opinion to her boss that we find their new policy very unfriendly etc. But I never got that far. When we approach the bar to pay before leaving the manager himself comes out and starts yelling at us. Blaming us for harassing his staff, being impolite and rude and I don’t know what now. He even told us we did not have to come back there anymore. On that we easily could agree!! He even blamed everyone from our office, saying they have had problems with “us” before, complaining and treating them in a patronising “von oben” way and “only because you are an important customer you can not treat us badly”. We were all completely flabbergasted. This was so unheard of! The fact that most “normal” businesses try to treat there important customers good, seemed completely unheard of to him. In the end we could not do anything more than laugh and agree on that we would never ever set our feet there again. Before leaving, while still at the bar, I could not help calling someone that I knew would come and tell them we were leaving and would meet them somewhere else. I could of course have waited and made that call outside, but I just wanted them to hear that. Later another pub had 15 guests that this place wasted.

I really think no one can understand how bad this was, unless you were there. I would never have believed it if I weren’t.

The Small Town did it again!!

Now when I am getting more and more ready to leave The Small Town I had actually planned to write something positive about the place and list some of the good things that I have discovered, there are actually a few. But then, today I got a new parking ticket and that changed everything!

It was exactly the same situation as last time and at the same parking lot. But this time they did even a little better job, they caught me only six minutes after my parking fee had expired. Cut their record by a whole minute!! Well done!!

I did not freak out exactly as much as last time. Only shouted: “Where are you; you fucking retard??” and gave a finger in all directions. (Very mature I admit!) I am sure there is some retarded person who is sitting in a car or in some of the windows around the parking, with a clock and binoculars and dart out to give a ticket as soon as possible.

I just don’t understand how the hell this shitty little asshole of a town believes they can afford to have this kind of parking policy! If it is something this town has plenty of it is space. How the hell can they think they can charge that way for it?! At the same time they complain that the shops in the city centre can not survive and close down one after the other. Surprised?! Not really! Never thought of offering people who want to shop in the city free parking?! Most other “normal” towns, of the same size that I know of, do. There is not really like this place has a parking problem they have to control this way, there were plenty of free spaces. The parking lots in the centre have a parking fee 24/7!!! You don’t find that even in Stockholm city!! Bloody Small Town! I hate it!!

This means I need to get yet a little closer to my move away from here to feel generous enough to write something positive about the place.

The Ulitmate Question

I think I might have found the ultimate question for an employment interview.

If I was to interview someone that I might employ I would ask if that person had a pet as a child (or have one now, maybe). If he or she had, I would ask what kind of pet and for how long he/she had the pet. I think that might be the ultimate question to find out how responsible someone is.

I have realised that some people, in their profession, treat work assignments as pets. Some collects them and take on more than they can handle. Some like them when they are small and cute, but can not really envisage that it needs to be fed every day and that the litter box won’t empty itself or that it might grow and stay around for a long time and when they realise that, they just let someone else take over and they have found a new hobby…

I would not like people like that working for me. And I am quite fed up working with that kind of people.

Happy to not be American!

I soo look forward to when the US-election is over!!!
I am so sick and tired of hearing about the campaining and whos going to win. It feels it has been going on for ever. First the primaries and then the real campain. Do people really care?!

I am also quite amazed by how biased the Swedish media is. It is pretty obvious they all support and expect Obama to win, and have been the whole time. Gone is every kind of objectivness and impartiality. It is also rather obvious how amused and satisfied the journalists are when they find some really ignorant and stupid rednecks full of predjudice and manage to catch some stupid opinions on tape. It makes me scared. Scared both to know that people like that get to vote about the most powerful post in the world, but also scared to see how little integrity Swedish journalists have. But most of all it makes me happy that I am not American!!

Freezing cold...

As always at this time of the year I start to wonder how the hell I am going to survive the winter. I am freezing!! Constantly freezing. It does not matter how much or how warm clothes I wear, I am still cold. My hands and fingers are ice cold during the day and at night it is mostly my feet that gets the worse. The only time I feel really warm is while taking a hot shower. And then the temperature has not even gone below zero yet!! Then I start to worry about what it will be like when the weather gets even colder. But somehow it works and I will most probably survive this winter too. But it is really annoying to have to go through this every year. I am so fed up being cold. I whish I lived in a warm country!!

Paprika Nation

Was in Skopje last weekend: Really nice!! Posted some picture, but decided to put them on the Travel-blog.

A Weekend in The Small Town!!!

It is amazing how relaxing it can be not to go anywhere on the weekend. One prerequisite is of course that you stay away from blending with The Small Town, but staying in the apartment with only short visits to the golf course was a great combination. I have slept a lot, sorted things out, did some work, watched movies, made some telephone calls and feel very relaxed. But it is really necessary that I don’t have any interaction with the town. I can see some of my colleagues, but not go out. Yesterday they had a party and would after that go to a night club; that I refused. You might call me arrogant or blame me for not giving the place a chance. But I am absolutely sure that I am better off not even setting my foot on one of those places. I know I will not like, worse I will only hate the place more. But staying at home is fine!!

Playing golf is also fine! That is one of the good things about the place. The golf course is nearby and most of the time there is not so many people playing, and today was a beautiful autumn day. Unfortunately of course there is nothing open in the small town on Sundays, so when I hit my last ball straight into the water at the 13.th hole I had to go home… Funnily that made me realise that obviously I am know at the club (although I know no one). Walking back I passed the three men playing ahead of me. One of them asked if I wanted them to let me pass. I explained that I was on my way back and was not playing anymore. Then he apologised for not having asked before if I wanted to pass, as I was playing alone. Then he said: “but if I remember correctly you don’t mind to wait and prefer to play alone”. I was flabbergasted, how the hell did he know that?!?! I can not remember ever having seen the man. But obviously they knew me. I guess I am the only member of the club that is neither related nor married to one of the members.

Back to normality?

I realise that if I move back to Stockholm I might not have anything to write about on the blog. After all the life in The Small Town is rather exotic. I was discussing the matter with some of my colleagues today, who are all happy about the prospect of finally get out of here, and we all agreed about The Small Town almost being as exotic as other places we have lived in, as Sudan, Kongo, CAR, Philppines, France; Italy etc etc, only more depressing and tragic. Stockholm is far more "normal".

Wednesday 10 AM in The Small Town

Today I had another experience that showed me who detached from The Small Town we, my colleagues and I, really are.



I woke up with a headache and had to go to the pharmacy and get some migraine medication before I could go to work today. Going down to the centre on a Wednesday morning at ten was an interesting experience. The place was full of people!!!! There was some kind of market on the main square and the pedestrian zone and loads of people. Of course still none between the ages of 20 to 60, but still people!! And at the pharmacy too!! There was a queue of people!! Still mostly old people. So this is what people do here!!! They hang around town at ten on weekday mornings!! I asked my colleagues if they knew anything about a market, no one did.

Application frustration

Today I have been trying to work on writing applications, but it is sooo frustrating and I absolutely utterly hate writing applications!! And if it wasn't bad enough, most of the employers I would like to apply for seem to use standardised web-based application forms. And that I hate more than anything!! It is so frustrating trying to force my somewhat chaotic and out-of-the-box-life into the standard form. It just doesn't work! And you can be pretty sure that the web-page will crash at least a couple of times while you are doing it and if you are really cursed the page can not be saved but filled in all at once, meaning you will have to start all over when it crashes. Sometimes you can not browse ahead to see what information is required. Meaning you will have to start filling it out step by step and then all of a sudden you come to a question like the exact date when you graduated high school, something noone normally is interested in. While you try to sort that out (or just invent a plausible date) you can be pretty sure the webpage will shut down and you have to start all over again.

I also can't help wondering if anyone ever got a job by applying through one of those web-forms. I for sure haven't. I believe it is just a way to get rid of some applicants. Therefore it is mostly used by employers who get a lot of applicants and this is a way to ger rid of many before they even manage to finish their applications. To the ones that manage the system sends an automatic reply and then they employ someone the already know...

Ahhh, that is one more reason why I hate to apply for these jobs, it seems so pointless! Please anyone!! Give me an interesting, qualified, well paid job that I don't have to apply for!!! :-)

In Between Days...

I have just realised I might find myself in a situation where I have neither job nor housing in January and February! Is this a sign of me being a bit unresponsible?? I don't know.
Nevertheless, that means I am very available for new things. I'd love a period abroad again, preferably in a warm climate;-). So, anyone who knows about a posting or a job for that period of time; don't hesitate but please let me know about it.

Talk the Talk

Sitting on the train back to The Small Town from Stockholm, I can not believe how much I dislike the dialect of the region. It makes me feel physically ill. Not when everyone speaks it of course. There are people I like so much, that can get away with it, but just strangers on a train talking in this particular dialect can make me so irritated and make me feel ill and feel I absolutely have to put my i-pod on. ! I find it one of the most appalling Swedish dialects. I know it is completely irrational and it is very personal. I think most other Swedes find it kind of charming and friendly. Friendly I can agree with, there is nothing evil about it, it just sounds very bad to my ear.

It is also so absolutely unsexy. Next to me is a man who might actually be considered good looking, but once he opened his mouth and started talking, it was all gone. This might be one of the reasons I haven’t seen one single attractive man since I moved to The Small Town (there are of course other reasons for that too, but I will not go into that here…). I find voices and the way a man talk very important if I am to find him attractive or not. But I believe I might have rather unorthodox views on what language or dialect I find sexy. I am not saying the Stockholm dialect is sexy, in Stockholm you hear a total mix of dialects anyway so it is kind of neutral and some Stockholmers actually sound rather stupid. Gothenburg dialect is fine as well as some dialects of the north, but there is a fine line, there are some northern dialects that I just don’t like at all. For languages the classical “language of love”; French don’t do anything for me, nor does Italian or Spanish, although I find Italian a very beautiful language. What really get me off is Danish and British English. Yeah, I told you I am strange!

It is also quite strange how I came to write about this on the blog… I don’t get it!! ??

Things moving fast

Sometimes happen quickly. Even more quickly than you expected or maybe even wanted, but then I try to think there is a meaning to it; to stop you from hesitating and thinking too much about it. All of a sudden I seem to have an apartment in Stockholm. A completely legal, fist hand contract for a rental apartment!! For those of you who are not familiar with the housing market in Stockholm I can just inform you this is something very rare and difficult to get by. It is like in a real socialist society, meaning that you either have to queue for it for 20 years, have good connections or pay bribes to get it. I did neither. I have been queuing, but only for seven year so I guess I was a bit lucky as well. Ok, it is not in the very city centre as I would have liked and it is a bit more expensive than other similar apartments, but nevertheless it is just outside the very centre, with good public transport very nearby and the reason for it to be expensive is that it is completely new. It actually does not even exist yet! I have only seen the building site and 3D-projections of it. At the same time as I signed the contract I got to choose wall paper, colour and the tiles in the kitchen and the bathroom. Cool eh!? (Although I had very little time to make the choice and very limited selection so I am very curious to see if I really will like what I have chosen.)

It all happened so fast and I had to make the decision very quick as well as signing the contract. I have had some agony about it as I still don’t have a job in Stockholm and might not even have a job at all after December. But on the other hand; I will be able to move into the new place only in March so there should be ample time to find something. Wow… fascinating and a bit scary, but it is about time I get out of The Small Town and get on with my life.

Glad to have no Economy

Just a short notice to let you know that I am still alive. Just haven't really felt like blogging for a while. A lot of work and lot of other things to sort out kind of drain my energy right now.

Sometimes things that are happening in the world can be food for blogging, but right now it is all about the world financial crisis and I find it hard to think about anything less inspiring. It is depressing, uninteresting and by now rather boring. I guess I should not complain though, for once you can be happy not to even have an economy. I feel very unaffected by the whole circus, I am not losing all my savings as I don't have any and I am not losing my home due to increasing interest rates as I never owned any, so things are pretty cool. I might not have a job after December, which of course might not be such a great thing in a recession, but things tend to work out somehow.

Well, maybe I am playing it a littler cooler that I actually feel, but more about that later...

Small Town Crime

Yesterday there was another “school-shooting” where ten people were killed before the perpetrator shot himself. This time it was in the small Finnish town of Kauhajoki. And as always when anything terrible happen there are interviews in the media and there are people saying they find it unbelievable that anything like that could happen “in this small town” and that they never thought anything like that could happen in “such a small town”. I guess it is natural not to expect things like that to happen to you, anyone you know or anywhere close to you. But if there is something we ought to know by now; it is that these things do happen, and to me it seems they happen more often in small places than in big cities. Ok, I haven’t checked this statistically, but of all the places I can think of where things like this have happened recently, none of them is a major city or capital. I am sure that on a per capita basis this kind of mad-man-crime is more prevalent in smaller towns and communities. So maybe it is really about time we stop romanticise the small town life.

Friday night in The Small Town

I am staying in The Small Town this weekend and tonight some colleagues of mine had a party. They live some way from where I live so I had a bicycle ride of ca 10-15 minutes back to my place. I left at around 1.30 and on the whole way home I did not see one single person or one single car!! On a Friday night!! This town is just soooo dead!! Can not wait to get out of here!!

Something new for dinner..

Today I found some really nice looking mushrooms. I think I will make a stew. Or maybe a risotto again... :-)

The Real Normal Life

Had a great weekend in Stockholm! Nothing special happened, it was just a nice weekend with friends, it was like life is supposed to be.

When I complain about living in The Small Town I sometimes get thrown at me that I can not expect life to be a constant party full of extravagant happenings. Although I don’t really understand why it could not, that is not what I expect. This weekend there were no extravagant party, it was just a very nice relaxed weekend with friends. I was in Stockholm already on Friday for a meeting. Therefore I went there already Thursday and had dinner with a friend. Friday morning I walked to the meeting in the sun. Just walking to and from the meeting and looking at the people you meet in the street and realise that there are still beautiful people in this world, (and handsome men!!!) was great. You never see that in The Small Town!! Just imagine being able to flirt during lunch!! Ok, I remember September is generally a good month for that in Stockholm, but nevertheless…

After work I met with some friends for a couple of beers, which was very nice. Nothing special and not late at all, just very nice. Saturday I played golf, after that I passed by some other friends who recently both moved and became parents, very nice!! After that I met up with other friends for some beers and food and watching a football game in a bar. Again it was nothing extravagant and it did not get late this time either, it was just very nice. As it did not get late it felt very ok to get up early Sunday for another round of golf, or two actually. So, really nothing fancy only very normal and very nice, spending the weekend with friends and enjoing a hobby. I feel that is what life should be like. Not sitting in this god forgotten place and rot!

A New Life?

Well, now I have decided to try something new. Not only did I join a book club, but connected to that I have decided to try a diet. Well maybe not really a diet, but I actually bought a book with a month’s GI-menus and today was the day I wanted to start cooking from the recipes. Not that I really believe in any of these diet-things and I actually don’t think I need to lose weight either. The thing is just that I am so fed up with trying to come up with things to cook and I am so tired of always eating the same dishes and tired of pasta and salads, so any book telling me what to eat would be fine. At least a substitute until I can have a service like “Middagsfrid”. And this food actually seems rather healthy and “normal”. I am sure I will not follow it very meticulously, if I feel like eating something else, I surely will. This is for all those days when I don’t know what to eat and therefore risk ending up not eating at all or munching a bag of crisps.

To start I had to go and buy some stuff, some of it things I never bought before, a lot of nuts and seeds and such stuff. It is amazing how expensive it is to eat this healthy! But on the other hand I now bought things for quite a few days. Who knows, maybe this more planned shopping after a list will actually cost less in the long run. I somehow feel I have collected quite a few adult-points today!! I even made my own homemade müsli!! (in some vain hope it would be as good as the fabulously delicious müsli they served at the Safari Lodge Hotel in Victoria Falls)

Sleepy

I don't know if I have got some mysterious disease or if I just have found myself a new hobby; sleeping.

Lately I seem to be constantly tired. It all started before my holiday and then I just assumed I needed the break, but the thing is it did not get any better after the holiday. Every morning it is a fight to get out of bed, I am just so tired. It does not get much better during the day. As soon as I get home I just want to lay down on the sofa or go to bed. And still I go to bed much earlier in the evening than I normally do, but it does not seem to help. I try to eat healty and I do excercise, but still I just feel tired and want to sleep all the time. I really look forward to go go bed. Very strange!! And it is still only September, were will this end??

Local Drugs

Maybe I would have understood The Small Town if I would have read the local paper more often, but I really don’t think so. Today I actually went trough it at lunch in the canteen at work and got absolutely amazed and flabbergasted over an article. It was about the spread of “spray-abuse” among the pupils of a school in another small town in the area (might actually be even smaller!). I just did not understand it at all. What the f..k is spray-abuse?? What kind of spray? And how do they abuse it? Even though I read both articles on it I did not really get it, but obviously the kids bought the spray in the supermarkets and it seems they were sniffing it. From the slang word the kids use for doing this “glading” I assumed it might be these room refreshing sprays (from the brand Glade).

I found it absolutely hilarious. I am not sure my colleagues around the tab quite appreciated what was so fun about it. But come on; the paper treated it as a very serious problem, and maybe it is. But I have never heard about it from anywhere else, so just imagine the lever of boredom, frustration and imagination too for that matter, for those kids in this little God forgotten place to go and buy room scent and sniffing them high on that. My God, they can not have any sense of smell left after that!! Welcome to country side Sweden!!

Leaving Värmland!!

Ha ha, I just heard the most hilarious piece of news!!

I just happened to listen to the local news on TV and heard that five municipalities from the region where I live now, Värmland, have decided to apply to be transferred to the neighbouring administrative region, Västra Götaland, (where I originally come from). It is absolutely hilarious, not even the towns can stand it here!!

I totally understand them; this region is so backwards in comparison! Of course The Small Town is not one of the deserting municipalities, although it is also direct on the border to Västra Götaland. Only another sign that this place is even more backward?!