Small town past time

Well, maybe I should try to say something positive about The Small Town and the area I live in now after all (even thought it might not be so easy). The most important positive thing I can think of is that people here are very kind, in a sweet and friendly manner. They seem to be helpful and cheerful, even though maybe not in the most spontaneous and open way. I don’t think you shall expect them to come to you and start to talk to you if you are a stranger, but if you by any chance approach them, they are friendly.

But – yes, of course there is a but to this as well. They are cheerful in a very nature-loving-open-air-healthy-sporty way. Most of them are fond skiers, fishers and hunters...Yeah, well… it sometimes seems almost Norwegian, that can sometimes be a bit too much for me.

For example, I have now heard from several colleagues of mine that on the weekend, if they had nothing to do, they took food with them and went out somewhere in the open, made a fire and grilled sausages etc. In wintertime!! For no particular reason!! Ok, I a sure that can be nice, and I don’t mind doing things outdoor, but honestly; I would never come up with the idea and neither would any of my friends…

Space less

I am getting really fed up with my situation in the shitty small town. The place is turning me into a sad, grumpy, irritable and far less fun person. Not only is the town a shitty place. There is just no space for me where I can be myself. I really do like my job and my colleagues, but I absolutely hate the office we are sitting in. It is so crowded; we are eight persons sharing one room that is not built for it. The problem is not the lack of space though, for me it is the lack of respect for each others. Some of my colleagues obviously like to have the atmosphere of a leisure house or kindergarten in the room. It is bad enough that we disturb each other with necessary phone calls and spontaneous meetings with the colleagues, but completely freak out having to listen to people’s private chats, discussion about apartments, cars, parties and most of all, the senseless blabber and jokes and gossip and small fights. It is horrible to try to do some kind of work in that atmosphere, especially not any kind of analytic work. Since I started working there this summer I have tried to get this message trough, without success. I feel I don’t get any response at all and I find it rather respectless.

At around six o clock in the afternoon it gets a little bit better and sometimes it is even quiet enough to manage to think one whole thought and then I could start working. But I don’t feel it is right that I should have to stay in the office late till late in the night to be able to have reasonable working conditions. And after a whole day in that noise one gets very tired.

So after such a day I go home and the first thing I hear when I open the front door is the party music from my down stairs neighbour. So the rest of the evening I can only hear the base tones banging through the floor, killing the sound of my own choice of music or TV. Every evening!! I am so fed up!! There is just not one single space where I feel at home, where I can feel comfortable, relaxed and at ease. I wonder how long I can take it…

Different Lives

The last couple of weeks Swedish television has been absolutely crowded with different “galas”, music galas, sport galas, tv-show galas and film galas etc etc. This is absolutely not my kind of shows so I normally never watch them. But today there was really nothing else on TV and I had no real energy to do anything else so I got stuck in front of the screen for a while and I very soon realised another reason to why I don’t watch them; I simply live a completely different life. Not that I expect to identify myself with the sports-/music- or film stars on the shows, but of all the Swedish movies nominated for the different Swedish film awards 2007 I hadn’t seen one single one!! Not even the documentaries or films that were broadcasted on TV!! I felt so out of tune with the rest of the country!! I could only imagine what it would have been like if I would have gotten stuck in front of the sports gala. Then I would not even have known the stars of the gala!!

A Weeping Song

Today I am just so pissed off, frustrated and sad. The project I have been working very hard at for the last couple of months and finally managed to get on track was today cancelled (or at least postponed undefinatly) due to reasons completely out of my control. It is so fucking frustrating. I have been so focused and put so many other things aside to get this high profile project going and then, nothing... Ok, I can understand the reasons, but still not. This is nothing really new, everyone ought to know this, but just because the focus changed, everything obviously changed.
I am talking about the project in Afghanistan. Of course we were perfectly aware of the security situation, but still we made the decision to go there. Then a bomb went off outside a hotel were westerners use to stay and one Norweigan die. More people died, but the Afghans noone counts, but this time one Norweigan died and then of course it is so much worse!!! I still believe it would have been different if it had been even an American, a British or a German. But hey! A Norweigan!! That is almost a Swede!! Then we can not go there!!!
I am not trying to downplay the dangers of going to Afghanistan, but I still believe this is nothing new! Who thought it was perfectly safe?!?! If this risk is too high we should not be there at all and why the hell spend time planning and organising projects there then!!??

And it took away a chance for me to get out of this place for two weeks!!

I am just so frustrated I almost look forward to the funeral I am going to tomorrow. Not that funerals are very enjoyable occassions, but this time I will use it as a legitimate reason for crying out loud over my miserable life!! There is a risk however that my family will take it as a small over reaction to weep that much over my dead uncle, but that is a risk I am willing to take.

A Quitter..

Today I gave up! I gave up my couch slouching lazy life and got back to the gym. I honestly just couldn't keep it up any longer. I seriously had planned not to go there untill after I was back from the trip that I will start next week. My membership had expired and I did not want to renew it now as I am pretty broke for the moment and also because I knew I would be away for two weeks, but today I just couldn't anymore. I feel my body is used to work out and just is not very happe with a longer time of inactivity. I felt my back started hurting and also felt I got more stressed. The last days and this week is pretty busy at work and today I felt a stomach ache I haven't felt in a long time and that I think only can come from stress. So, today I went to the gym, renewed my membership and took a spinning class. I am sure I will feel better!

Who said training is not addictive?!

Trend Breaker

I don't know how I really do it, but somehow I always seem to go against the stream, even if I don't intend to. From always being rather consequent in my fitness training and to do some kind of sport two or three times a week, I have been passive for quite some time and decided that it is ok. I have been thinking about going to the gym basically every day this week, but then changed my mind and decided to stay on the couch and felt absolutely good about that. Then I just heard on the TV that there is a rush to fitness centres all over the country. The centres are over crowded and some even have had there webpages over loaded. Of course this is nothing new, after Christmas and with the promises people make for the new year they flood to the gyms to take care of the over weight and bad consciense.

So now I feel even better about my choice to stay on the couch. I don't have to fight for space in over crowded gyms and I know, that later, when the others already have given up, I will still be fit and happy to take up my old habit. :-)

A Wish for 2008

As I wrote I haven't made any promises for the new year; I do have one wish however. I would like people around me to work less. Or at least to talk less about how much they work. Lately I have the feeling that everyone is complaining about how much they work. Or sometimes not even really complaining about it, but just keep telling you and letting everyone else know how extreeeemly busy they are and how much they have been working. Sometimes it seems as if it was a kind of competition.

I don't doubt they do work a lot. I think most of my friends work a lot and I think my working hours are also not that few, but maybe especially therefore I am so fed up hearing about it. If it really is a problem, if you are on the edge of being burnt out you should do something about it! Let your boss know! If it is just a way to make everyone think you are very important and special; it wont help. You are important and special anyway and would probably be more so if you could talk about something else.

Don't get me wrong! I don't mind people talking about their work. Not even if they complain and are unsatisfied with somethings. I also don't mind people letting others know they are doing a good job. I am just so fed up to ALWAYS hear about the HUGE amount of work load people are carrying. When the first think you constantly hear from someone is "Oh I am so busy! Oh I have been working so much". Not if this is a constant situation. Of cause everyone can be under a extreme pressure at times and sometimes your case load is getting out of hand, but I am talking about those people who constantly talk like that. As if they were the only ones who had a lot to do.

So, for 2008, please sort out your work and realise you have other, more interesting things to talk about!

Happy New Year!

New year, but this far not much have changend. This year however some things must change. For sure!!
I haven't really decided yet how I will do it but something must happen.
Somehow I was so busy at New Years eve I did not make any promises and committments for the new year, but I will try to do some more blogging again. I have been really bad at it latelu, to some extent because I have been spending time on Facebook instead, but seriously, blogging is more fun! I have even been thinking about starting a new, serious blog in Swedish, we will see... Hope you will be with me in 2008 too!

Now; I will go to bed! Good night!