To h..l with Luther!

Sometimes I feel that maybe because I am unemployed, “homeless” and single I should be sad, depressed and worried and I should stay at home, not enjoying things and be bored and feel like a failure. I think this is the feeling we in Sweden blame poor Martin Luther for. But you know what… ? I don’t feel that way at all! I feel as good as ever and I am enjoying life to the fullest! I feel sociable and use all my free time to visit and spend time with my friend and family. This weekend I am off to Helsingborg and Copenhagen again and will be staying down south a bit into next week to see a childhood friend I haven’t seen in a loooooooong time, outside of Lund. That will be great! I am also planning a trip to Holland soon, also to see good friends I haven’t seen in a long time. Another good friend is trying to convince me to go with her somewhere in April, around Easter, either to Italy or the Alps for skiing. I know I probably shouldn’t and that I cant really afford it, but I it is so difficult to say no to nice things! I have such a bad character! Or as a friend of mine said; “you have a character like an old junkie”. But what the hell, you only live once!

Today I went out for a long ride in the woods together with my sister and her horse. It was so nice although it was snowing like crazy. It was also a bit exciting as my sister’s horse is still young and a bit nervous and still not so disciplined. Therefore I was riding an older, well educated and reliable horse to calm the other one down. It all went very well until we rode along a road that borders a military training field, where they were practising at the time. My horse got a bit jumpy and nervous and only then my sister tells me that he is afraid of shooting as he happened to set off a signal mine just a while ago. No wonder he was scared! But it all went well and we had a nice ride.

All the snow gave me a nice wintry feeling I haven’t had all winter so far. It really made me want to go skiing!! Any suggestions for an affordable skiing holiday at the beginning of April?

Fear of being afraid

Oh, I got so happy when I read this article in SvD today: http://www.svd.se/dynamiskt/idag/did_14632526.asp. Unfortunatly it is only in Swedish and I can not translate it all, but it is about the importance of taking risks and the danger of overprotection. It is really true that sometimes the most dangerous thing is fear itself!

Lost in a virtual world

This weekend I spent quite some time with a good friend, who for the first time tried the game World of Warcraft. Although I am absolutely ignorant about computer games I had heard about it and knew it is very popular, but I did not know until this weekend that apparently more than 8 million people all over the world play it and I had no idea what it was all about. Fortunately this very good friend of mine has the patience of an angel and obviously didn’t mind having me hanging over his shoulder asking (stupid) questions (Thank you, if it had been the other way around I would have gone mad and killed “myself”). So now I know a little more, even though I still haven’t played it. What fascinates me is the amount of time you can/have to/will spend on games like this. I just don’t understand the attraction of creating a second character and live a virtual life. This is of course even more the issue in the virtual world of Second Life. I have never seen it but read a long article about it over the weekend and as far as I understood it is not even that much about fantasy anymore, but about creating a parallel world that looks quite the same as the real one. Then I am completely lost! What the hell is the point in living a Second Life parallel to the real one?? Aren’t people busy enough with this the first one that we live here and now?? How can life in front of a computer give you more kicks (if that is what it is all about) than real life?! To me it seems a little like having one of those Tamagotchis, if you still remember them. I just don’t get it!

Fear the small

One of my friends commented on the posting Small Town Death, that if the work is interesting and if I shall be true to my motto –Fear eats the soul- I should not hesitate but to go there (in case I am offered the job, that is!). Of course she is right. But it really made me realise that I am much more afraid of having to move to a small town of 18 000 inhabitants in mid Sweden, than being sent to any major town or capital in the world. I never hesitated a moment before going to Manila or Harare and I would not hesitate going back there to stay for a longer time, but this…. Oh it is scary! Strange isn’t it?!

The noble art of doing nothing

Sometimes people ask me what I do all day long when I am not working and if I don’t bored and restless. The answer amazes me just as much as anyone else; I don’t do much at all actually and still I am not very bored. I, queen of restlessness, don’t even get very restless. Which is probably a good thing. I am excelling in the noble art of doing nothing.

I, like I think most people, have some projects that never gets done, things you feel you should do some day when you have more time. In my case there are those plastic bags full of photos that I always say I will sort and put in albums one day, not to mention all the digital ones that I just store randomly in my computer, and of course I could always clean out my closet and send away all clothes I never use. I used to say I would do it a rainy day, then I change it to saying I would do it one day if I get unemployed or slightly ill, like breaking a leg or so. But I can tell you I haven’t done it this far and I don’t think I will. I think I will have to postpone it and start saying I will do it once I retire. Or maybe I should just accept my plastic bags and the chaos in my closet… Somehow that seems easier!

Small town death?

Ok, I did not expect this. Now I don’t really know how to handle it.

When looking for a new job I always say I am willing to move anywhere in the world where the job would take me, except to the northern part of Sweden, but there I didn’t count on finding a job for me anyway. When thinking like that I somehow assumed that all jobs that would be suitable and interesting for me would be in a big city somewhere in the world. Now I have encountered a somewhat delicate problem: I have found a very interesting job. In a Swedish small town! It is still at a governmental authority, but at certain times there has been an urge to decentralisation and I guess that is why you now find this authority in it’s present location. The work sounds really interesting and I was thinking that of course I can live also in a small town - I grew up in a small place - and set out to apply for it. While working at the application I just took a brief look at the official homepage of the town. And I freaked out completely!! I felt such an agony! I remembered all the reasons why I moved away from the place I come from. I just felt I can not move to such a place! I will die!! Now I am seriously considering what price I am willing to pay for an interesting job. I mean there are people who go to some god forgotten place in Kazakhstan for a good job, ;-) but at least that is exotic. I can not find anything exotic in a medium small town in mid Sweden. Help me!

Stressless

Maybe I give you the impression I really enjoy being unemployed and some might even think I am getting lazy and unemployable. That is not true at all! Of course I sometimes worry about my situation and wonder whether it really was the right decision to quit my safe fulltime state employment. That is however quickly cured by a short chat with any of my former colleagues… But of course I also worry about how long it will take before I find a new job and what kind of job I will find and so on. Still I try to enjoy this time of my life as much as I can. It was my own decision that put me here and I don’t count on it to last for very long and it has for sure hade some good consequences too. I feel I have learnt a lot about myself and about life around me.
Being unemployed and worrying is of course stressful, but still I feel completely stressless and relaxed. Getting out of the everyday stress opens up new perspectives. Just travelling the underground during rush hour has a new meaning when you don’t feel tired, stressed, worn out and therefore irritated and annoyed about everything around you. I don’t freak out whenever I miss a bus or a train and have to wait another five or ten minutes, and I don’t get furious when people push themselves around without apologising and I don’t get completely annoyed by people who behave irrational and stupid. Instead I just get a bit curious and fascinated and wonder what makes them act that way. It is a very nice feeling and I am quite sure it is because I am out of the everyday stress! Everyone should try it!

The non-working-people

It is a rather fascinating experience to be unemployed (for a while). All of a sudden you discover the world of the non-working people. Yesterday I went for a jog in the beautiful sunny winter weather along the water here. As the track was covered in snow and hence rather slippery I could not run all the way but had to thread carefully every now and then, which made me more aware of my fellow pedestrians. There were mostly old persons and parents with prams. Funnily I met more fathers than mothers, which made me think of one area where I think Sweden is still on top; Parental leave. Not that this really is any of my main concerns and I don’t really know that much about it, but as more and more of my friends have children and as I was recently talking about it with some non- Swedish parents-to-be I realised that Swedish parents have reason to be happy. (Of course you often hear them complain anyway but… ).
Listening to two of the men with prams that I met, I also realised something else. These men looked like very city smart professionals, but what I heard from their conversation they were not talking about the stock market or the latest merger but about sitting in a café and eating big cakes and buns. In Stockholm we have the expression “caffe latte mums” but there are obviously also “caffe latte dads”. I thought that’s soo cool! It must be so nice also for men to stay at home with their babies and spend time together with other dads, it must mean they discover new sides of themselves too. I feel sorry for those dads that don’t have that opportunity and maybe even more sad for those who have it but don’t take it.

Another category of non-working people are of course other unemployed, or those “in-between-jobs”. As I have never been unemployed before I found it really hard to somehow identify myself with the average image of being unemployed, but now I have met other peoples who temporarily don’t work, but still are so busy. There are so many creative and imaginative people who make a good living without being employed. I whish I was more creative and innovative and had more entrepreneurial skill myself. But I think I will have to settle for finding another employment. Until then I will continue to enjoy sitting in a café chatting away a couple of hours on a Tuesday afternoon! :-)