Anti-Climax and a Dilemma

I am still in chock or at least somewhat confused. Today was the day when all of us working in the office on a time limited contract would get to know if we would have a job in january or not. I felt very sure I would not and was prepared for that. Ok, I admit I was not happy about the possibility to be the only one not getting anything and see all the colleagues get new jobs, but still I was prepared for it.

I did not really realise how prepared I was for it until everything changed. I was offered a job. Albeit a job I applied for, but not my first hand choice and I only applied for it as I assumed it would be in Stockholm. Now the job I was offered is in The Next Somewhat Bigger Town!! That basically made my whole world tumble down!!

I might be stupid, maybe mad and for sure a bit crazy, but still I realise I can not turn down an offer of a permanent job in times of financial crises and recession. And I know I should be happy as many of my colleagues did not get a job at all. And this position might develope into something rather interesting and this position is also exists in the Stockholm office and my new boss knows I would prefer to work there and there might be a chance to be transfered in the future and and and.... Yes!! I know I should be happy and grateful, but still I had to go into the restroom and cry several times during the day and I felt like throwing up at times. I was so disappointed!! The only thing that has kept me going for the last couple of months was the prospect of getting out of here. What ever happened I would not be here anymore. Now I am stuck!

Not only stuck! I have to make decisions on where to live. Should I move to The Next Somewhat Bigger Town altough I don't want to live there either and have no plans to stay there very long?? Should I stay here and commute and hope to be transfered to Sthlm as soon as possibel?! But still, it is 45 km to TNSBT, one way, with poor public transport and this job also has on-duty service. I don't know!! And I really don't feel like moving one single time more than neccessary.

I really was so prepared for not getting a job and getting ready to leave and move away from here. I had even started to plan my dinners and my eating so I would not have to buy more food but finish as much as possible of what I already have! And now, here I am!!