Homesick

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my new apartment. It is not so long before I really can move in and what once seemed very distant and unreal is actually happening. Now the job-thing actually seems to work out as well, so things are quite good. Still I can’t help worry a little as well.

I think, dream and long for my new flat basically every day. I think about how to place the furniture, about finally hanging pictures on the walls, about really getting things that I like. Longing for my new bathtub, dreaming about getting a dishwasher etc etc. Not to mention the fact that I will be able to live somewhere where I can have a normal life, where I can meet my friends and go out with them and still get back to my own place, not having to sleep over on someone’s mattress or sofa. I will also be able to get active in some organisation or take a evening course or something like that because I know I might actually be around for a while, not constantly on the move. For the first time in a long time (maybe really the first time) I am moving to something instead of moving away from something.

At the same time all these expectations make me feel a bit afraid that I might get disappointed. I still haven’t seen the apartment and what if I don’t like it when I see it! What if it is dark, if I find it tiny and ugly?! What if it has paper walls and the neighbours are loud?! Well, somehow I believe it can not be wrong and it can not be bad, but all the expectation open up for disappointment.