Feeding the Monster

I must be a bit mad or something. Or at least I definitely seem to have a small monster living in my head. Just as things seem to sort out nicely and get in place, I mean work wise and house wise, I start thinking about how nice it would be to work abroad again. The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about where I would like to go and for how long. I definitely suffer from what in Swedish might be called “någonannanstanslängtan”, the constant longing to be somewhere else. I would really prefer to have a contract over one year, maybe two or three would be ideal. I am not so much into the three to six months contracts that could have been an alternative. I really would like so stay a bit longer in a country, to really get to know some of it, learn about the history, the people, politics and culture in a more in-depth way.

But what do I do then when this monster start calling me to get moving again? Do I tell it to shut up or tell it to crawl away back into some forgotten corner of my mind? No of course not. As the kind and generous host I am to this monster, I feed it. I pick up contact with my friends who live and work abroad and take pleasure in hearing about their life. I read about countries where I have been living and keep reminding myself of what fun I had there and then. I look at the pictures and start thinking about where I would like to go and looking for interesting jobs to apply for. At the same time as I feel so relived not having to constantly look for other jobs and thinking about where to go next, that is what I constantly do. Today I found a job that I would really love and that I have more or less been waiting for, in a country where I would really like to work. But I won’t apply for it!! I will have to stop my self from applying for it. I really have things going for me now and should not make it harder for me.

Stupid monster!! Why can I not just be happy and satisfied being in one place? Other people seem to be.I suppose I will have to make some kind of deal with the monster, as I know it will most probably not just go away. I really plan to stay in Stockholm all of 2009 and I think I would also like to stay at least for the first half of 2010. If I try to get to travel a bit during my holidays and if I continue to feed the monster small portions I hope it will stay reasonably calm and docile.